**Please note: this transcript was automatically generated. We're working on going back over this to clear up misspellings as we have time ... but as we all know, there is precious little of that** Chris: There... Maybe now? Travis: Yeah. There you are. Travis: Perfect. Chris: Yeah. Travis: It was just following the Sabbath rules. Chris: Yup. Travis: I shouldn't be plugged in. Travis: Sorry. Chris: Shouldn't be. Chris: It's not nighttime here yet. Other Chris: Exstinguish that f****** thing. Travis: Yeah, that flame is unholy. Travis: Unholy like a vampire. Chris: Yes. Other Chris: No, it's too early for us to get into that. Chris: Okay. Travis: You can immediately segway. Travis: Hello, and welcome back to Rtfb. Travis: This is Travis, and today Chris, other Chris and I are driving a stake directly into the heart of this Dracula book. Travis: Eh, meaning generally that we're covering the middle section, and more specifically covering chapters eleven through 19. Travis: And since it's the middle section, it's also time to renew your status of favorite listener. Travis: Way to go. Travis: We love you, favorite listener. Travis: You are smart and kind and a good dresser and very attractive to whichever genders you prefer. Travis: And also it's time to give you your special password, which in this case is compassionate decapitation. Travis: Compassionate decapitation will be your code for potential upcoming giveaways and such. Travis: So keep it in mind, if you please. Travis: Okay, that out of the way. Travis: Let's get back to my conversation with the Chris's already in progress. Travis: Yeah, we can't am I the only one that really hates Halloween cooking shows? Other Chris: There are Halloween cooking shows? Chris: That Christine McConnell one that was out a few years ago. Travis: I know, I didn't watch that. Travis: But in general, I hate them because everything they make looks gross as s***. Travis: I don't want food to look like it's a dead person. Chris: Did you ever make, like, wonderful crap out of cakes and brownies and stuff? Other Chris: Do you ever see that weird guy that had, like, the tasting menu where you have to eat the foam out of a plate that looks like his mouth? Travis: No, I didn't. Travis: I'm glad I didn't. Other Chris: Or like, people make those Tootsie Roll things in a cat box. Travis: Yeah, exactly. Travis: That's what I'm talking about. Travis: I don't want that, like, eat out. Other Chris: Of a trash can or disgusting toilet. Travis: Especially on the Food Network Holiday Baking Championship. Travis: All the judges get way dressed up and I'm like, you're going to get glitter in your food. Travis: You're testing. Travis: And I no longer trust your opinion on them. Travis: It looks gross. Travis: Take you seriously with like, a zombie face or whatever. Chris: Right? Travis: Like make the themed food or whatever. Travis: But let's have some respect for ourselves, people. Chris: I would agree. Travis: I still want to want to eat it. Chris: Right. Travis: And I don't want to eat catbox cake. Travis: I'm sorry. Chris: Yeah. Other Chris: I just don't not really down for that. Other Chris: Dirt and worms. Other Chris: That's okay. Chris: Yeah, because that's like as a kid we're like maybe it's like cookie crumbles and gummy worms. Travis: That's the line. Travis: All right. Chris: We did one year, like, in kindergarten, we made, like, witch's fingers out of hot dogs. Chris: Those were like, body parts that I can't remember. Chris: Yeah. Travis: But I didn't have to eat it then. Other Chris: I just got peeled grapes in a bowl for eyeballs jello brain. Chris: Yeah. Travis: I don't like it. Travis: Don't like it. Chris: That's as far as I'm willing to go. Travis: Yeah. Chris: The rest of it I'm like, no. Travis: I didn't have to eat it afterward, too. Travis: That was the thing. Other Chris: Well, I mean, everyone's hand has been in that bowl. Chris: It was late eighty s and early 90s. Chris: It's okay. Chris: Yeah. Travis: Disease. Chris: We were all still allowed to catch diseases to both of our immune systems. Other Chris: Yeah. Travis: So it was our only method back. Other Chris: Then, as George Carlin said, because we swam in raw s***. Travis: That's exactly right. Travis: Our colons are fortified. Other Chris: We didn't get polio. Chris: Mine's not. Travis: In general. Travis: We as a species. Chris: Yeah. Travis: That's a generation. Chris: I still think mine was due to undiagnosed condition at the time. Chris: Damaged some stuff, but couldn't worse. Chris: Could have lost a foot or something. Travis: That's true. Travis: Yes. Travis: Do you want to do that? Chris: No, that could have been the introduction of oh, you have this here. Chris: We have to take your foot. Other Chris: Now, having both feet is nice. Chris: It is optimal. Travis: It's above average, technically speaking. Other Chris: I mean, if you really think about. Travis: It, the average person is less than 2ft. Other Chris: That's true. Other Chris: Not much less, but I can't think of a lot of people that have more. Chris: I cannot either. Chris: I'm sure one people had more toes than they were supposed to, but does. Travis: That count as part of a foot? Chris: No, you have to have more than just, like, one extra toe, I think. Other Chris: On your two tenths of a foot. Chris: On your foot. Travis: I believe the average is less than 2ft. Travis: But is the average less than ten toes? Travis: Do you get polydactyl people that are like f****** nothing? Other Chris: No average, just no. Other Chris: I think more people have probably lost toes that have extra toes, because I. Travis: Say that it was exactly the same, and it balanced. Travis: It out balanced perfectly. Travis: It's like one guy, like the light. Other Chris: Side and the dark side of the force. Chris: Right. Travis: One guy with 20 f****** toes. Other Chris: There's a Neil Gaiman style god that's making sure that all of the toe count. Chris: That's where it is. Chris: That's our answer, Chris. Travis: We figured it out. Travis: Yeah. Other Chris: That's just one job. Travis: The god of base ten. Travis: Yeah. Chris: Probably like what's left of some Slovak god or something like that. Travis: Probably true. Other Chris: A Slovak god of tow removal. Travis: Yeah. Chris: A lot nicer than Chernabag. Travis: Yeah. Travis: Well, he's like that Japanese ghost that asks if she's pretty, and if you say yes, then she's like, well, I'll make you look like me. Travis: He's like, Would you want that 15 toes? Travis: You're like, I guess that's good. Travis: But you're really supposed to be like, I have an appointment. Travis: I got to go. Other Chris: It doesn't ask you where you want those toes, though. Chris: They're all right. Travis: Here an extra one on my forearm for, like, holding stuff. Travis: Yeah. Travis: A nice toe right there. Other Chris: Just like, for a shopping bag, right. Travis: So you don't have to make two trips from the car. Other Chris: Like a towel. Chris: Right? Travis: Right. Travis: I'm saying, help you fold some socks or something, I don't know. Other Chris: Yeah. Other Chris: Hang up your coat. Travis: Yeah. Travis: So Fort Worth is a shithole and I hate it. Travis: I literally got out of the car and came inside and turned on my computer and signed on. Travis: So I'm glad I didn't do 430. Travis: I've been panicked. Other Chris: So you're still all covered in Fort. Travis: Worth, the worst place on Earth. Other Chris: You're still breathing it out. Travis: It's in my lungs still. Chris: We'll be up for a few weeks. Travis: I need a blood transfusion. Other Chris: No, it's still too early. Travis: That's probably true. Other Chris: Oh, d*** it. Other Chris: Stop trying to jump into this. Travis: I'm just making reference, that's all. Travis: Because I just got out of the car. Travis: I didn't have a chance to go back over my notes, so I got to remind myself what the f*** we're talking about later. Other Chris: Oh, my God. Travis: I saw a guy die last weekend. Other Chris: Whoa. Travis: He got better. Travis: Well, you were there, like, cut his f****** throat at the Renaissance Fair. Travis: Oh, yeah, okay. Travis: That was your tenants? Travis: Yeah, they didn't do which I was. Chris: That part of what heck was that? Other Chris: They killed our guy in the joust. Travis: Yeah. Travis: F****** Brandon. Chris: You're not supposed to do that in the joust. Travis: I don't know if his name was Brandon, but it sounded like they're saying. Chris: Whoever did that was supposed to be executed then because you don't do that. Travis: Yeah, well, he got better, so justin's Four. Travis: It's dishonourable. Chris: Very dishonorable. Travis: This is in Glad Memorial Times. Chris: Right. Other Chris: The crowd told the bad guy to do it, and so he did it. Travis: Brandon the worst. Travis: You know what? Chris: I just don't know what the order is, what the honor is of this kind of tournament, so I don't let them determine that. Travis: I will not have you besmirch the Renaissance Fair crowd in St. Travis: Louis. Travis: Sir. Chris: They have not experienced nothing in the ways of the late medieval period. Travis: Only the most upstanding and knowledgeable. Other Chris: That's right. Other Chris: Only so many of them were dressed as sexy fairies. Travis: Yeah, Levi was a little confused. Travis: He's like that wasn't in the renaissance. Travis: I'm like, Levi is correct. Travis: At least. Chris: Like the pirates that are usually wandered around somewhere, too. Other Chris: Yeah, pirates and mermaids. Other Chris: And we saw a link. Travis: More than one. Other Chris: Yeah. Chris: Do you see any Star Trek crew members? Other Chris: No, but I made jokes about that. Chris: That's the thing that people say like this, that people show up as away party, and yet I've never seen it. Chris: But I like someone's like my double one to that is then I pull them aside around the side of a tent and show them the combat on the inside of my double it. Chris: I go, hey, guys, you just f***** up, like, five years of research and planning here. Chris: I'm going to report you to prime to rugby. Chris: Get back. Other Chris: It would be really confusing if Valerian and Laureline showed up. Travis: Yeah. Travis: But then people would be like, oh, that's just some guy if you're causing the character from the movie. Travis: Just a guy in the shirt and his girlfriend, I guess. Travis: I don't know. Chris: We were talking about that Yom Kippur break the fast cause some of the J Triad people were there because they're really trying to, like, get a group up going in Winston, too. Chris: And so apparently they're going to the Renaissance Fair here, but that's during one of the wedding weekends, so I can't go. Chris: We all joke we should dress up like medieval Jews. Chris: Then we're like, oh, God, how do we do that? Chris: I'm like, we try to find the weird hats that supposedly we were forced to wear and all the artwork. Travis: Yeah. Chris: Were those ever real or not? Chris: Or were they just stunning the art? Chris: Like the weird wizard conical hats. Travis: Yeah. Chris: I was like, well, for sure one thing we could all wear is wear a yellow circle. Chris: But that's just kind of depressing now. Travis: That I think some people might not quite get the context. Chris: Yeah, like, we're Jews. Chris: This is what happened. Chris: This is the good years. Other Chris: In the middle of the year. Other Chris: You guys could, like, really ironically go as the Inquisition. Travis: No one would expect it, I guess. Other Chris: And no one would expect it. Other Chris: But yeah, if anyone asks, like, no, it's cool. Other Chris: We're all Jews. Chris: It's fine. Chris: We turned it off on their heads. Other Chris: We're taking it back. Chris: Hey, it's not poor yet, everybody. Chris: But. Travis: Honestly, they wouldn't know it's for pure. Travis: And they're like, Wait a minute, let me consult my calendar. Travis: You are a week early. Chris: Months early. Travis: Yeah, exactly. Travis: No one knows. Travis: You could totally get away with it. Travis: They also wouldn't know what you meant when you said that. Travis: No, but you would. Chris: Even though many Americans think they are knowledgeable in other religions, they are not. Chris: I have learned this over the years. Chris: They know jack and s*** about anything that's not really Christianity. Travis: And even that it's kind of sketchy. Chris: Oh, yeah. Chris: A little less sketchy than the knowledge of, like, Judaism or Islam, other than what Fox News hosts have screamed at people over the years. Travis: Well, you got Passover and you got Hanukkah, and that's basically it. Chris: Well, a lot of people only know Hanukkah. Travis: Oh, yeah. Chris: There's way too many that don't even know password exists. Travis: I bet our generation knows about Passover because of rugrats. Travis: Yes, that's probably all good. Travis: Yeah, good old rugrats. Chris: And it'd be happy to go, oh, yeah, like a rugrats. Chris: Yes, exactly. Travis: That was exactly right. Chris: Exactly. Travis: We all just talked about the mac. Travis: Oh, you could dress up as the rugrats instead. Chris: Yes, we should do it. Travis: The Renaissance beer. Chris: Well dressed up as the rugrats. Chris: But we'll have to pick either the Mac, the Hanukkah special, or the Passover. Chris: Or we could have two sets and then everyone's covered. Travis: Yeah. Chris: So hanukkah special ones and passover. Travis: Yeah. Chris: So you got Tommy's moses, and I guess Tommy is due to Mcapee. Chris: I can't remember the Hanukkah one as well. Travis: Dress is Tommy, but cosplay as Charlton Heston's voice but dress is Tommy Pickles. Chris: That would be great. Chris: I would love to do that, actually. Chris: That would be fantastic. Travis: So you got time to plan for Passover now. Travis: Let's go. Travis: Anyway, I used all my good segues already, so, like, no segue did we have to reedit them into no segue at all book? Travis: What did you think about this middle section of the book here? Chris: It's getting exciting. Travis: Yeah, it is. Chris: Things are going down now. Other Chris: It started with more of the same s***, I guess, but that probably just has to do with how we broke it down. Chris: Yeah. Other Chris: But in the draw, if we had cut it, like, one chapter or two chapters later, I think. Travis: Yeah. Chris: Sorry. Travis: Luck of the draw. Travis: Yeah. Travis: I have to remind myself that a lot of s*** did happen in here, but I feel like they sure talked a lot about it. Other Chris: Oh, they really did. Travis: Pages of just, like I'm going to talk for, like, 20 minutes, guys. Chris: If you forgot what happened, you will be reminded. Chris: You won't forget again. Other Chris: One of my favorite authors is Steven Bruce, and he writes books in a couple of different styles. Other Chris: Right. Other Chris: One of them is really sort of like first person narration and very sort of down to earth, I guess, but almost as a joke. Other Chris: He wrote books in the same universe that are written by an in universe author who writes historical fiction. Other Chris: And he writes it kind of in the style of Duma. Travis: Okay. Other Chris: And he had a joke among some of his author friends that they formed a group called the Prejoice in Fellowship. Travis: Okay. Other Chris: And basically all of these books that are written in the style of this historical fiction are, like, 6800 pages long. Other Chris: They have sections of dialogue that are like so are you going to tell me? Other Chris: Yes, I was just about to tell you. Other Chris: Well, then I can't wait to hear your story. Other Chris: Well, then allow me to explain. Travis: Okay. Other Chris: It's seriously like, an entire page of them going back and forth before one of the characters is like, all right, well, you just f****** tell me the story. Chris: Yeah, nice. Other Chris: Yeah, I got a lot of that in this, where they're saying a lot of words right, and not saying a lot with them. Travis: Yeah, well, and I was reminded, like, last time we talked about it again, I would love to read this book without knowing s*** about vampires and of the mindset of someone in the 18 hundreds, because maybe I would need that amount of time to really start digesting what the h*** is this guy talking about? Travis: But for me, I'm like, yeah, he's a g****** vampire. Travis: I know it was him. Travis: Okay? Travis: It's Dracula. Travis: I follow. Chris: Yeah. Chris: The whole time. Travis: Yeah, she's a vampire. Travis: Now. Travis: I'm not going to be shocked into fainting or whatever. Travis: Like, it's fine. Chris: Right, but we're late Victorians and didn't know anything about this. Chris: This was being revelatory. Travis: Yeah. Travis: And in theory, if I'm telling that to, like, a real person, I got bad news. Travis: Your new wife is, like, totally having a pair now. Travis: Yeah, I wouldn't just, like, walk in there and be like, man, we got to do something like, tonight. Travis: I wish. Chris: Could have been cutting off head and stuffing off garlic, though, too. Chris: It's like the heartbroke. Chris: Move on. Travis: Yeah. Travis: Considering the people Van Helsink talking to are kind of like it's. Travis: What now? Travis: Like the bat? Chris: No, sir. Travis: Vampire bats. Chris: Like sciency here, early science here. Other Chris: Let's irrational physiotomy. Chris: We have to go with some of the old beliefs. Chris: Things beyond your science, sir. Travis: Measure the shape of her skull and you can see she's a vampire and, like, look. Chris: Clearly. Travis: So, yeah, if they wrote it today, I bet it would be something like 50 pages shorter. Travis: This whole segment. Travis: Let's just get to the head shopping, guys. Chris: Right? Travis: We don't need to f*** around with setting the stage for people to understand what we're talking about. Chris: But I did find some small bits interesting, especially because my thing is we're seeing a vampires grow fangs. Chris: But no, it's more like no, your gums and shape recede your existing fangs just get a little sharper. Chris: Right, I'm like that's. Chris: Interesting. Chris: That's a neat little point. Travis: Yeah, but only sort of at night or it's less at night. Travis: I don't know. Chris: Right. Chris: Something like that. Travis: Something like that. Travis: Completely forgot what I was about to say, but sorry. Travis: No, it's fine. Travis: It's my fault. Other Chris: Ruined. Travis: Ruined. Other Chris: Stop recording. Chris: Shut it down. Chris: All right, gosh. Chris: Shortest podcasts are down 20 minutes. Travis: We're including all the s*** about Fort Worth, you know, what you did, being all far away from where I live and s***. Chris: If anyone, fort Worth, you can equally complain about him going back to Dallas. Travis: No, you can't. Chris: The plano area, it's just better. Chris: He sounds a little snooty, doesn't you, folks? Travis: So, yeah, basically, the summary of this chapter is like, s***'s going down finally. Travis: But we're going to talk about it first. Travis: What I was going to say before is, like, I probably would have enjoyed this more if I had taken more days to read through it. Travis: I got, like, 30 more pages to finish before I can talk to people about this. Travis: And, like, could you just get to the point? Travis: I'm rushing through? Other Chris: But I'm kind of the opposite, because whenever stuff starts happening in a book, like, I start to read it faster. Other Chris: It's kind of weird how the pacing goes for me, because it is like, when things are slow in the book, I read it slowly, and then when the pace picks up, I read more quickly. Travis: Right. Other Chris: And so the first couple of chapters of this section, I guess I was still reading kind of slowly. Travis: Yeah. Other Chris: And then yeah, once there were events, then basically all of the pages flew by for me. Travis: Yeah, that's fair. Travis: And again, kind of like when all of our characters started being in a single storyline. Other Chris: Yeah, right? Travis: I mean, aside from the part where they were literally composing the book we've been reading. Other Chris: Exactly. Other Chris: Yeah. Other Chris: I thought that was pretty f****** meta. Other Chris: I did like that. Travis: But time out to type our notes up, guys. Chris: Now we have an explanation from at seven. Other Chris: I especially like the part where Mino was like, should I include the stuff that I wrote earlier today? Other Chris: And they were like, yeah. Other Chris: She's like, all right, all right, it's going in now. Other Chris: We were complete up until now. Travis: Yes. Travis: And when they decided to stop including that's where things went south, right? Travis: Women belong places where decisions are being made, guys. Chris: Yeah, totally do. Travis: Anyway, if you can take two things away from this episode, include women and f*** Fort Worth. Other Chris: Yes. Chris: Those are our major themes tonight. Other Chris: Just speaking of that, I do want to throw in just a small point about the old school misogyny in there, because that was entertaining to me, where they were like, she's as smart as a man, she's as gentle as a lady and as smart as a man. Travis: Such high praise. Other Chris: Secret deodorant. Travis: She's page balance for you. Other Chris: Yeah. Travis: Oh, God. Travis: Which, by the way, I'm pretty sure most humans are the same PH, but whatever. Other Chris: Pretty sure. Other Chris: I don't know where you're putting that. Other Chris: Deodorant, though. Travis: Fair. Travis: Very fair. Travis: Who knows where ladies put deodorant? Travis: They're mysterious, but they sure are good to cry on. Travis: Yeah, that part. Chris: The parts were, like learning the Victorians were a little different about their emotion than we are. Travis: I forget who was saying, but some guys like, good thing. Travis: Men only need like, a firm grasp with the shoulder and like, okay, you're good, right? Travis: Your wife just died. Travis: You're good. Travis: Alright. Chris: I feel like that's more than mental. Chris: We're here for you. Travis: Yeah. Travis: Give them a DAP up or whatever and go about your day. Travis: Yeah, that was also fun. Travis: Anyway, do you want to go through some specifics here? Travis: Again, I haven't reread these notes and they're handwritten, so, like, good luck. Travis: But again, did find I read three pages, like, I guess one sentence. Travis: Yeah, they said vampires are not cool. Travis: So where we left off last time was with Lucy, like, constantly getting drained of blood again and again. Travis: And despite being helsing like, could you just wear this g****** garlic? Other Chris: Everyone just keeps taking garlic. Travis: Just keeps taking the garlic away. Other Chris: It smells so bad. Travis: Yeah. Chris: I like garlic. Chris: I don't know what they're complaining about. Other Chris: And the maid who stole her crucifix. Travis: Yeah. Travis: What are you doing? Chris: I read in my source guy again, that was one of the ways they were still trying to hew to the Victorian thoughts on the lower classes and that they weren't really worthy of being uplifted beyond the class they were in, because they were prone to just when you think that someone oh, look at her devotion. Chris: Oh, no, she was just trying to steal the crucifix. Chris: Okay? Chris: That's right. Chris: Keep your servants and service, folks. Chris: Don't try to help them better themselves. Travis: Yeah, they don't deserve the afterlife. Chris: But these working professionals, kind of close to the gentry. Chris: Yes, they're great, right? Travis: It's a very bad thing that they're a vampire now. Chris: That's unfortunate. Travis: Yeah. Travis: So anyway, we reopened, literally, on September 11 with Lucy thinking to herself about how Van Helsing and his garlic like, what a crazy dude. Travis: But writing down, like, I'm feeling much better now, so good night, everyone. Travis: Dr. Travis: Seward Van Helsing check on her the next morning, and Mrs. Travis: Lucy's mom says she's feeling much better. Travis: He's like, yeah, I knew it. Travis: He's like, but hang on, I deserve some credit, too, for her feeling better because I took that terrible garlic off her heck. Travis: And I was like, you dumb b****, you haven't thought of the smell. Travis: So, yeah, this was like the end of that whole section of like, we'll do this one treatment and make you better, and then someone would immediately undo it. Travis: Once again, there's a transfusion of blood, and this time, it has to be old a** Van Helsing. Other Chris: Blood. Travis: Something like four days later, Lucy slept and stronger again, but something is still beating on her window. Travis: And they have kind of an aside to an interview in the Paul Mall. Travis: I guess it's like a magazine. Chris: Is there a call? Chris: It is. Travis: Talking about an escaped wolf from the local zoo. Other Chris: That was fun. Other Chris: I liked that guy's accent and stuff. Travis: Yeah, I'd like him basically checking with his boss. Travis: Me. Travis: Like, she doesn't want me to say this, but f*** her. Other Chris: Yeah. Travis: So he's like, we were visited by this guy who looked a lot like Dracula, right? Travis: Probably not the same by anyway and he was, like, checking in on their wolves and stuff. Travis: And then shortly thereafter that, the wolf just, like, escaped. Travis: Whatever. Travis: He just wanted out. Travis: Kind of came back on his own. Travis: By their surprise, Henry head is cut in full glass, so whatever. Chris: Right? Chris: That happens if you get out. Travis: Yeah. Other Chris: Wolves be doing wolf s***. Chris: Get some glass in your head. Travis: Speaking of that zookeeper guy, I especially liked him telling the story to the interviewer and be like, hey, and when you asked before, didn't I tell you to go to h***? Travis: And the guys like, you did. Chris: Sure did. Travis: You did tell me to go to h***, but I asked you anyway. Other Chris: He was like, Wait until I eat. Other Chris: Then I'll be better, right? Travis: For now, f*** off. Travis: Right? Other Chris: Have a snickers zookeeper. Travis: Then you can tell us about the wolf that took a vacation. Chris: Right? Other Chris: It's like a Clifford the Big Red Dog. Travis: Clifford harasses a young woman whose vampire is feeding on yeah. Chris: His final adventure oh, jeez. Travis: What if Clifford was taken over by Dracula and came under his sway? Travis: He could do some damage. Chris: I think Clifford the big undead red dog. Other Chris: Clifford could f*** some s*** off. Travis: Yeah, Clifford the undead red dog. Travis: I like that. Travis: I want that movie more than the Winnie Two horror movie. Travis: I want that movie. Chris: Clifford one. Other Chris: When is Clifford going to be a public domain? Other Chris: A public domain? Travis: Yeah. Chris: Clifford can eat, like, swaths of people. Travis: His hunger will never be saved by. Chris: No the popular yeah. Travis: Oh, my God. Travis: What if he is Friend Rear and he saw the moon or whatever, like on Judge? Chris: That's the end of the world then. Travis: Game over for me. Travis: For sure. Travis: Anyway, yeah, this wolf got out, but he came back and, you know, Dr. Travis: Seward's randomly attacked in his office by Renfield again, this time with a knife, like, cutting his wrist. Travis: And then he's like, wrapping up the resulting blood, saying, like, the blood is life. Chris: Let's do something up with that guy. Travis: Not normal, but, you know, he's a lunatic. Travis: So yeah, there we go. Travis: Know how they are. Other Chris: All for dying. Travis: I also liked him basically saying, like, I can't afford to lose much more blood, guys. Travis: Like, I just don't. Chris: Right. Other Chris: Just take some brandy. Travis: Fine. Travis: Yeah. Travis: If you've had a shock or any blood loss, the first thing to do is build alcohol in your system. Travis: Yeah, it's great for you. Other Chris: You should get a bottle of brandy for this. Chris: Spread it out. Chris: Yeah, you should. Other Chris: I just need to, for medical purposes, cut myself. Travis: I was cutting up the chicken for dinner, so time to drink. Travis: There is an urgent telegram from Bound Helsing to be at Hillington and an urgent diary entry from Lucy. Travis: She's like, I've got to put all this down before I f****** die. Travis: She's like, Another night with no sleep. Travis: And back is the flapping at the windows again. Travis: That's f****** bad or whatever. Travis: Her mother finds her awake and cozy's into bed to keep her warm, which I guess you had to do back before you had heating. Travis: But it's like a growling outside in the bushes, and suddenly this wolf busts in the window. Travis: Like, where would you find a wolf? Travis: So her mom dies immediately. Travis: It was like a heart attack because. Chris: She had that weak heart attack. Travis: We did talk about that before. Travis: We can't tell her her daughter's turning into a vampire because that would scare her to death or whatever. Chris: Right within the wolf scare window. Travis: Yeah. Travis: If this was Resident Evil, that would be the jump scare right there. Chris: I'd be pretty scared if wolf jumps. Other Chris: Are and then those tank controls would just f*** you up. Travis: Yeah. Travis: I'm never escaping. Chris: No, never. Other Chris: I can't kill the wolf. Travis: No. Other Chris: Can't hit it. Travis: Nope. Travis: She's f****** dead and, like, collapses on top of her. Travis: That's kind of terrifying. Travis: But then some, like, weird dust blows in. Travis: She's all in a daze and pinned under her dead mom. Travis: The maids come in and see everything, and they're like, Some wine. Travis: Let's lessen the shock. Travis: Get some wine for everybody. Travis: But I guess someone had poisoned the wine or, like, it they drugged it. Chris: Probably with opium or something. Travis: I wasn't sure if that was, like, her mom's medicine or just some random chemical they had, but then they all pass out. Chris: It's probably your mom's medicine. Travis: Yeah. Travis: And so she's like, well, time to die now, love. Travis: Lucy signing off. Travis: Got a good case. Travis: Yeah. Travis: So Seaward and Van Helsing arrive as early as possible next morning, have to break in thanks to these lazy g****** servants. Chris: Yeah. Chris: Can't do their jobs, right? Travis: Right. Travis: So they find Mrs. Travis: Lucy dead and Lucy herself nearly dead, but they're like, hot bath and brandy again. Travis: She's in shock. Travis: Get her in hot water, get her liquid up. Chris: And a brandy. Travis: Yeah. Chris: I'm really feeling crazy. Chris: Like I'm missing out now by not having a brandy. Travis: It's a cure all. Chris: Yes. Travis: You can cook with it if you want, or you can cure any medical ill. Travis: Yeah. Chris: Clearly. Chris: Including the ills of stress and depression. Travis: Yeah. Travis: SeaWorld's, like, we're in a stand up fight against death. Travis: Evan Hillsings. Travis: Like, if only that, I would just let her die. Other Chris: Hardcore. Travis: Hardcore. Travis: So they're in need of more blood, but luckily, Quincy enters. Travis: And that's the Texan, right? Other Chris: Yeah. Travis: Our American friend, Quincy. Travis: Can I offer some of his blood? Travis: I guess. Chris: I got some blood. Travis: He probably used a slang term for donating blood, too. Chris: Here you go. Travis: He's like, Put me in, coach. Travis: Opens a vein straight away. Travis: And then Van, helsing retrieves Lucy's last testaments, gets seaward alone afterward. Travis: Listen, what in the wide, wide world of sports is going on, Quincy? Travis: That is, like, you said she needed another transfusion. Travis: You two were exhausted. Travis: I'm guessing that's like four men's blood that's in her. Other Chris: She's fit to bursting. Other Chris: Bursting with blood. Travis: Yeah. Travis: So he's also the smartest one in this book because he already figured that s*** out. Travis: He's like, what's? Travis: Been draining her blood? Travis: What the h***? Travis: Does she have, like, a plug in the back that you need to close before you tump some in? Chris: But yeah, maybe. Travis: Yeah. Travis: He even talks about, like, some story where a horse he had was attacked by a vampire bat and was drained so much they had to just kill it. Travis: In the world of this book, like, vampire bats are, like, on every corner, too. Chris: Oh, they are. Travis: We talk about them all the time. Other Chris: F****** chupacabra. Other Chris: Yeah, those Texan chupacabras. Travis: Yeah, exactly. Chris: Right. Travis: Goatsuckers. Travis: Yeah. Travis: So I had a note, like, right away. Travis: So Lucy does sleep after getting more blood, but seems to be getting worse still. Travis: Plus, her teeth are sharper. Travis: Yeah. Travis: That's weird. Travis: And SeaWorld is very convinced she's not long for the world, so we do get a letter, though, from Nina that's noted that has not. Travis: Been opened by Lucy. Travis: Basically saying that Mr. Travis: Hawkins he works for had them over. Travis: And, like, Jonathan is now his heir because he doesn't have a kid and he wants him to take over for him when he dies. Travis: It's like, yes, when is your wedding? Travis: But it was not to be. Travis: No. Travis: Another correspondence about Renfield getting all agitated when some guys on a cart stopped by to ask for directions. Other Chris: Yeah. Travis: Yelling at them like, you shan't murder me by inches. Travis: Start beating the h*** out of them. Travis: Like, what? Travis: Now I'm thinking about it. Travis: These were the guys that were delivering some of the dirt? Travis: Is that what they were doing? Travis: Why was he so agitated about that? Other Chris: Because Renfield wants to serve the master and they're doing his job. Travis: Oh. Travis: He's like, you're taking away my job. Travis: I got you. Other Chris: He's like you. Travis: F******, yeah. Other Chris: I'm supposed to be doing this. Travis: I have to move the 50 giant crates of clay or whatever. Chris: Right? Other Chris: My favorite part of that whole section, though, is just how thirsty those dudes were afterwards. Other Chris: After being beaten half to death and moving all this craze. Travis: I'm still thirsty. Other Chris: Our throats are so dusty. Other Chris: Oh, my God. Other Chris: If only there was some way to alleviate this, right? Travis: Someone could just buy me a drink, complain. Travis: Yeah, if only someone buys a brandy or something. Other Chris: Yeah. Travis: Yeah. Travis: So he gets the s*** out of them, throws them around. Travis: It's described like kittens, all three of them, before he subdued again. Travis: And then right after that, Mina's like, well, that old guy is dead now. Travis: We have all of his money and we're coming to London for the funeral. Travis: She thinks it's the only funeral she's going for. Travis: Yeah. Travis: We come right back to another journal entry from Dr. Travis: Seward Replace. Travis: Life is garbage and everything sucks. Travis: Talks about Lucy's last moments, luckily, accompanied by Arthur and Van helsing basically note here that she seems dead when asleep and asleep when dead because after she dies, she starts looking great. Other Chris: So fine. Travis: Yeah. Travis: Which they a number of times are basically like yeah. Travis: When you're dying of, like, a disease for several weeks, once you do die, you look awesome because you're not efforting anymore. Travis: All right, yeah, sure, sure, whatever. Other Chris: Or is that just an excuse maybe because she's got, like, super sexy vampire powers now. Travis: I mean, that's how it happened in Twilight. Travis: And Bella finally turned and like, oh, my God, you were hot before, but now you're like, ultra hot. Travis: Ram late. Travis: Anyway, before she had died, she was alternating clutching her garlic and then throwing it away. Travis: Man, her teeth are sharp. Travis: Yes. Travis: But Arthur comes in intending to give her a goodbye, like a last kiss. Travis: But then he'll be like, F****** h***. Travis: You won't, like yeast in the clock across the room. Travis: Not in your life, sir. Travis: Right. Travis: Don't do it. Travis: Which was kind of awesome. Travis: It was awesome. Travis: And in her last moments, Lucy's like, all right, well, could you please protect him because bad s*** is about to happen, then f****** dies. Other Chris: It's like she knew. Travis: Yeah, right. Travis: Dr. Travis: Cesar was well, at least she's at peace and Venuel. Travis: Seems like f***. Travis: She is not so, sir. Travis: And again, strange. Travis: She seems more alive now that she has died. Travis: Also, I don't know if I didn't notice this before, but right around here's when I noticed that Van Helsing like, talks like Starfire from Teen Titans. Other Chris: Oh, you didn't notice that? Travis: Friend John? Travis: Yeah, I mean, I know he had like a foreigner accent, but specifically that formulation of like friend John in your. Other Chris: Head, you should be hearing him as like gold member from Austin Powers, right? Travis: Yeah, well, he's from Amsterdam, of course. Travis: No, I like him. Travis: A starfire. Travis: Yeah, it is the vampire friend John. Travis: Yeah. Travis: So they're like, alright, I guess we have to make funeral arrangements for such a beautiful corpse. Travis: But Van Helsing made sure to put garlic all over the place in her death bed, the crucifix on her lips. Chris: Yup. Travis: Friend John writes to a solicitor friend, and I didn't make a note of this before, but they called back to them being like, let's not get f****** other doctors involved. Travis: So in case s*** goes sideways, there's no evidence of stuff, especially with the corridor. Travis: They're like, we don't want anything crazy happening with this. Chris: Right. Travis: Let's just get somebody in here. Travis: He's not going to ask too many questions. Other Chris: I know a guy. Travis: Exactly. Travis: So he's like, yeah, let's write to his friend. Travis: Also, I'm going to need to cut her head off. Travis: Like right now. Chris: Can't let go any longer. Other Chris: I'm thinking about it and I'm like, can I find a mortuary service that will cut my head off and stuff my mouth full of garlic and steak? Chris: My probably can, but it won't be the one down the street. Chris: No, but if you bet what you. Other Chris: Really want me to do somewhere. Travis: I bet if you cost one of the instagram girls in your cemetery behind your house, they might know it. Chris: They'll do it for you. Travis: They might know guy or you can pay them anonymously. Chris: So you just got to find a state or a place that lets you do what you want for your right. Travis: Yeah. Chris: Not have to adhere to the weird local codes that the mortuary people got put in place to buy from them and them only. Travis: And also bury me on a crossroads so in case I ever rise from the dead, I don't know which way to go. Chris: Yeah, if you're ever interested in that society for the Good Death, caitlin Dodi, she's out in La. Chris: She does really wonderful YouTube videos. Chris: She could probably help her. Travis: But not the cross rower. Chris: They would do that for you. Chris: That's what you want. Travis: Probably not the crossroad burial thing, though. Travis: Probably the stuff you were talking about. Travis: Yeah, probably. Chris: I will have a traditional jewish burial. Travis: Which does not involve head severing. Chris: No, it just involves sticking me in the ground. Chris: So ideally without a lot of chemicals. Other Chris: But yeah, just wrapping you up. Travis: Yeah. Chris: Basically in a shroud stick in the ground. Chris: Like in Israel, they don't have coffin, they just stick in the dirt. Chris: Here, you get a coffee, you just get a wood coffin. Chris: That's what we should do. Chris: Let me go back to nature let me go back into the lifecycle. Other Chris: Yeah, just a box. Chris: Yeah, I really like the one people, too. Chris: They're starting to I think there's one out on the West Coast, but they put you in the field position in a pod that's biodegradable and it has, like, a tree sapling or something with it. Chris: You basically become a tree and it makes cemeteries into forests and I'm like, that's actually a really lovely idea, Mike. Travis: Roll me into the alleyway with a sign that says Free. Travis: Take one, take an organ, leave an organ. Travis: It's fine. Travis: Yeah, it's all good. Chris: As an aside, I am a fan of just let us all return to the earth, so to speak. Chris: Or if you want to be cremated, just have an awesome Viking funeral pyre or something. Travis: Yeah, that would be awesome. Other Chris: I joked about becoming a soup that. Travis: Must be consumed, or yes. Chris: No, I'm not going to do that. Chris: Sorry. Chris: Some places you are allowed to be dissolved. Chris: It's called, like a water burial. Other Chris: Serve me to vegans. Other Chris: Although I have permission to partake. Travis: Yeah. Chris: I am tempted to let science have part of me. Chris: If anyone's interested in finding out what humans taste like. Chris: But just take a leg, that's fine. Chris: I won't miss it. Other Chris: Make some sausage. Chris: Yeah. Chris: See what people taste like. Other Chris: Slow. Travis: Smoked some crisp jerky. Travis: Yeah. Travis: Yeah. Travis: Anyway, like, yeah. Travis: Van Helsing's like, I got to cut her head off. Travis: And Dr. Travis: C is like, that's weird. Travis: He's like, I thought you were a doctor. Travis: Why? Travis: You're a p****. Travis: I thought you were a doctor. Chris: So mired in your one way of thinking, bro. Travis: Yeah, but then they're about to go do that, I guess. Travis: But then he calls it off because the crucifix has been returned to him. Travis: I didn't quite clock why that stopped him, but it's like something's been going on. Travis: Maybe we're too late. Travis: I don't know. Chris: Maybe. Travis: So there's the note that Arthur is now the next of kin for her family, because I guess the solicitor is like, well, you were going to be married. Chris: Yeah. Other Chris: The mom, before she said they were. Chris: Officially engaged so that they carry a status. Chris: You could do that. Chris: Like I said, the mom set it up that way. Travis: Yeah, that's right. Other Chris: So even though they weren't married, they're gunned to me. Chris: That came with the rights, I think. Other Chris: But the lawyer being super pragmatic about it. Other Chris: I'm super glad she did that, because it's so much less work for us. Travis: He was very pleased, wasn't he? Other Chris: Yeah. Other Chris: And then they're like, oh, God, people just died. Travis: Yeah, read the room, bro. Travis: Yeah, I was just about to cut a lady's head off, but I guess it's great you didn't have to do some extra paperwork. Chris: Yeah, well, I mean have a will. Chris: That's all I can say. Travis: Yes, have a will. Chris: My cousin's going to hit two years since he died in a week or so, and it's still not resolved. Travis: Oh, boy. Travis: It's miserable. Chris: Make wills, folks. Travis: Yeah, it's already going to be miserable anyway. Travis: You might as well. Travis: It is. Chris: This painless burn off of people. Chris: Yeah, that's the point of it. Travis: Yeah. Chris: Your loved ones be free to just mourn your loss. Chris: I'll have to deal with all that other s***, right? Travis: Arthur is another one who's, like you said, she's dead. Travis: But she looks awesome. Travis: Yeah, even better than before. Travis: And this is again where the first note? Travis: Men don't need a whole lot as far as, like, morning or expression. Travis: They're fine. Other Chris: Yeah. Chris: Literally the right moment. Other Chris: Well, I mean, you see a hot chick, I think that's your first response, right? Travis: Yeah. Travis: How can I lay my head on. Chris: Her bosom, unburden all my emotions I've been keeping bottled up just for that moment? Travis: Well, yeah, because Arthur's not the only one. Travis: Like Jesus, right? Travis: Yeah. Travis: Anyway, boys get sad too. Travis: It's a true statement. Chris: It is. Travis: And they would appreciate more than just like a high five, right? Travis: Could go on record a bottle of scotch. Travis: Yeah, that would be great. Travis: At least it would. Travis: Yeah. Travis: And like, drink it with me. Other Chris: There you go. Travis: Yeah. Travis: Even better. Chris: Even better. Travis: Penhel sings like listen arthur Bubby Can I call you Bubby? Travis: We both love Lucy, for sure. Travis: But can I read all of her journals and stuff? Travis: Is that cool? Travis: I guess so. Travis: I promise they won't be boring. Travis: Which I think we know is true, but he then, like, patrols the house all night, keeping eyes, especially on the room with Lucy's body. Travis: Another journal entry for me, I guess. Travis: She's, like, picked up to her journaling again, talking about Johnson, like receiving a shock after Mr. Travis: Hawkins'funeral. Travis: See this strange dude just staring intently at some lady in Piccadilly Circus. Travis: He's like, wait a minute, that's f****** Count Dracula, like, right over there. Travis: What the h***? Travis: That's totally him. Travis: He's in London. Other Chris: That was the entire point of you going to translate. Travis: Remember, you bought a house, do your. Chris: S*** and go to London. Travis: Yeah. Travis: Remember that? Travis: And I had also forgotten that the house is literally next door to the asylum until later on when they all remember that. Travis: Yeah, I guess that is probably important to know. Travis: Note that his home base is right next door. Chris: But anyway, good source of food right there. Chris: Crazy. Travis: Yeah. Chris: No one will believe them if they tell you a bats coming in their room at night. Travis: Yeah, unless they're a lunatic like you. Travis: Crazy person. Chris: Why are they getting sick all of a sudden. Chris: I wonder. Travis: They seem very pale and their teeth are so sharp. Travis: But man, they're hot. Other Chris: Some sexy a** crazies. Travis: So yes. Travis: Seward's making like a final entry in his journal after Lucy's funeral, arthur was telling everyone gathered there about the blood transfusion he gave him. Travis: That basically makes me, her husband and the three other guys like, uh oh. Chris: Don'T tell him, don't well. Travis: We were inside your wife as well. Travis: I mean, our blood was inside your wife as well. Other Chris: Which one of us gave her hepatitis? Other Chris: We'll never know. Travis: Doesn't matter now. Chris: They don't know what that is, right? Travis: Doesn't matter now. Travis: Yeah. Travis: Where was I at? Travis: Here. Travis: And a note later on about Ben housing, like breaking down into hysterical laughter like a woman, basically because that's inappropriate. Travis: Yeah, because I think he's thinking back to that. Travis: He's like, doesn't that make her like polyamorous, like legitimate, basically, and in many more words than that. Travis: Talking about how sometimes you just have to laugh whenever King Laugh comes in. Travis: Yeah, keep him crying. Travis: Even though if you cry a little, it's cool. Other Chris: But I enjoyed that passage. Other Chris: I enjoyed his description of that feeling. Travis: Yeah. Travis: And again, it was long winded, but while you're reading it, it's kind of Shakespearean and that kind of thing. Travis: If you're in the flow of it, it's not that bad. Other Chris: In a weird a** accent. Travis: Yeah, Chris, you're right because of that. Travis: And because he's like, I know, I've got it figured out. Travis: So crazy s*** is going to happen. Travis: Then a couple of news articles about children just going missing. Travis: Like third off by the bloofer lady. Other Chris: The bloofer lady. Other Chris: I was trying to figure out what that could have been. Travis: Bloofer bloofer sounds weird, but yeah, they're like, oh, these kids in their games just disappearing for hours at night and then showing up places, like looking all drained and weird. Travis: It's probably fine though, kids probably doing like an e cigarette or something somewhere, I don't know, probably doing the pass out game. Chris: Apparently the internet says on older forms of English, bloofer is slime. Chris: It means beautiful lady. Travis: Yeah. Travis: Okay. Travis: So the hot ladies luring them away like, alright, it's cool, it's beautiful. Chris: Like incognito up from children from that pulling from Dracula. Other Chris: Yeah, interesting. Travis: Also at the same time, Jonathan's freaking out again. Travis: So Mina is like, this is not bad enough. Travis: I'm gonna read his journal from the time of his brain fever and coincidentally, shortly after that getting a telegram from Van Helsing asking if he can come fully secretly. Travis: Don't tell anyone, but I want to pay you a visit. Travis: Having found her letters to Lucy and her stuff, this is a great time to type up all these notes. Chris: Use those skills, right? Travis: Yeah, use those skills. Travis: And I was constantly impressed by like god, they wrote so much s*** very quickly from here on, even if they wrote it exactly as it appears in the book. Travis: This is like 300 pages that they just typed. Travis: Yeah, just typed it up. Travis: So yeah, she's amazing, typist, 100 words a minute, I guess. Chris: Jesus sounds like it, yeah. Travis: And then when he shows up, she's like, well here you go. Travis: But she first is like, here's my shorthand version. Travis: He's like, thanks. Travis: Wait a minute, you ask how am I supposed to read? Travis: She's like, that's okay, I got this. Travis: And like women, right, they like to have their jokes. Chris: Oh my gosh, like to have their. Travis: Jokes or whatever, but yeah, well, you. Other Chris: Know, you got to keep it light when you're talking about your friend that. Travis: Just died and your husband's brain fever. Chris: Yeah. Travis: In the foreign land. Other Chris: You got to throw in some king laugh there. Travis: Yeah, king laugh just comes in sometimes and in fact king hysterical tears pops in right here when he's telling him about Jonathan as well. Travis: My handwriting is s***, I think, to say. Other Chris: Alright, shorthand. Travis: Yeah, it's definitely shorthand. Travis: Like it's so short you can't even read it. Travis: It makes it very fast. Travis: But she's telling about Jonathan. Travis: You're going to think I'm really crazy when I tell you about this, but he's like very, very impressed with her and like keeps praise on her all the time about how great she is again, especially for a woman like Jesus, like you're proving that like heaven is real. Other Chris: Heaven is a place on earth. Travis: Yeah. Travis: And it's Mina. Travis: Yeah, she gives him Jonathan's journal as well to read through, so he later meets with both of them and is like very confident. Travis: He's like, yeah, all that s*** really happened. Travis: Which does wonders for him. Travis: He's like, oh my god, okay, so I'm not insane. Travis: So he like, he has a rally point from there. Other Chris: All it took was a man to say it. Travis: Well, I mean, Mina hadn't read it until then, right? Travis: But someone else being like, yeah, totally, that definitely happened. Travis: Van Helsing is like, we're going to need your help. Travis: He's like, yeah, safe win. Travis: As they're departing, like, van Helsing notes the story in the newspaper. Travis: Kids disappearing is like, oh god, so soon. Travis: So he goes immediately to C word, tell him all the news and give a very long description of what's going on. Travis: Like a breakdown. Other Chris: Yeah, I liked his really long description. Other Chris: I think it was around there when he was telling Dr. Other Chris: Seward about. Travis: I. Other Chris: Don'T know, basically like f****** witches. Other Chris: And yetis in the Loch Ness monster. Other Chris: I don't know what he was actually talking, but he was like, look at all this s*** that science can't explain. Other Chris: And it's basically like, yeah, none of that s*** actually, don't worry about it. Travis: Look at this thing we made up and science has no explanation for it because we made it up. Other Chris: Look at unicorns. Travis: Exactly. Other Chris: How do you explain unicorns with your science? Travis: I don't know, a mutation maybe. Travis: A mutation? Travis: F*** you. Travis: Yeah, so basically he's breaking down, I guess. Travis: The things going on with Jonathan, what he thinks going on here. Travis: And he's like, so that same thing that bit Lucy is attacking children now? Travis: Like, no, Lucy is. Chris: No way. Travis: Yeah. Travis: So, like, the doctor is p*****. Travis: He's like, how dare you? Travis: I loved that woman. Travis: Now you say she's like an undead monster. Travis: He's like, listen, you think I took so long to say that because I hate you or something? Travis: I knew you were going to freak out, so I took a long time to build up to it. Travis: Tonight we're going to go prove it. Travis: So they visit the child in hospital and then do a breaking and entering in the graveyard. Travis: Let's open her. Travis: Coughing up and empty. Travis: Totally empty. Travis: Like, well, grave robbers maybe. Travis: But there's some movement and another child is found just kind of in the graveyard, but unbitten. Travis: So, like, let's just leave this in the heath for the police to come out. Travis: You can't touch it, though, or else the mother won't take it back because it'll snow down. Travis: It made me laugh, especially because it wasn't the only time it happened in this. Other Chris: Oh, yeah. Travis: Just leave it on the side of the road. Travis: Someone will get it. Travis: It's fine. Other Chris: Leave it in the streets. Travis: Yes. Travis: So some white thing that left a child and ran off, but they go back again the next night. Other Chris: They didn't have the safe place back then. Travis: Leave it on a quick trip, like. Other Chris: The fire station where they'll just take any baby, right? Travis: Put it in a drawer at the library. Travis: It's fine. Travis: Yeah. Travis: So I go back again the next night, reopen the empty coffin. Travis: But this time there's Lucy looking better than ever and some jazz about her having traces of blood and whatnot. Travis: That's right. Other Chris: She lost a lot of blood before. Other Chris: She got to make up for it. Travis: That's right. Travis: How are you reading my notes? Travis: Better than me? Travis: Yeah. Travis: There's like blood back in her face. Travis: Yeah. Travis: Again. Travis: So this is where she would start to kind of believe what Van Helsm has been telling him. Travis: But again, Van Helsing is like, now is like the right time for us to cut her head off. Travis: Because what if Arthur wants to see her later? Travis: And so basically we got to get him on board before really do anything. Other Chris: Yeah. Other Chris: Why tell him about it at all? Other Chris: Just f****** over with. Travis: How often in the 1800 would you need to dig up your dead wife, who wasn't even your wife to check on her? Chris: Right. Travis: I guess maybe he was like, one last time I got to see her before I'd say goodbye forever. Travis: But I don't want him to think that we did some s***. Other Chris: They should have given her one of those bells, you know? Travis: Yeah, I'm not afraid of grave bells. Travis: Yeah. Travis: Yeah. Travis: So helsing decides he's gonna wait in the graveyard. Travis: Like I'm not really afraid of Lucy. Travis: But he who made her. Travis: And if I don't make it, the journals are all over here, and it'll be up to you to take care of the rest on that. Travis: Luckily, he's not murdered in the graveyard that night and is able to gather the men folk all together. Travis: So him and Arthur, Quincy and Seaward. Travis: And he's like, Arthur, I want to do something, but don't get mad. Travis: I need your blessing before I do it. Travis: I don't really like buying a pig and a poke. Travis: Okay, fine. Travis: I want to take up your wife and cut off her head. Travis: All right. Travis: You seem upset, but at least come with me. Travis: Yeah, hear me out. Travis: You're going to love this later on, right? Other Chris: You'll be glad you did. Travis: Yeah. Travis: So, Scooby Doo style, they all go in again, reopen the cafe. Other Chris: You just made me picture that. Other Chris: Like, leading the way, holding the lantern and all of them kind of in sync, like tiptoeing. Travis: Yes. Travis: It turns out Lucy actually owned the deed to this island, was trying to scare everyone away. Travis: Yeah, it was old man Lucy the whole time. Other Chris: I would have gotten away with it, too. Travis: Yeah, so they open her, cast it again, and it's like a f****** magic trick. Travis: Like, she's gone again. Travis: Every time you open it, she's back, but not this time. Travis: And she's like, I totally swear she was there yesterday. Travis: Like, all right, well, I guess so. Travis: I guess a doctor wouldn't lie, especially not two doctors, but two doctors totally trustworthy. Other Chris: Yeah. Travis: Here's a technique for battling vampires I'd never heard of before. Travis: He crumbles up Jesus wafer into some plato to put a seal on the coffin, I think. Other Chris: On the door. Chris: On the door there. Chris: You can't get out. Travis: I got you. Chris: Depending what you want. Travis: Yes. Travis: Okay. Travis: They talked about being leaden. Travis: Did you have a coffin inside? Other Chris: Yeah, the coffin inside. Travis: So the Jesus plato is on the door. Travis: Isn't this like a horrible misuse of Christ's body? Other Chris: Sure, but yeah, I like how they're all horrified by it. Other Chris: I was just kind of, like, hot. Chris: I mean, if you use the tools you got against vampires, I think in that instance, it's okay. Travis: All is fair. Travis: Loving vampires. Chris: You like, I'm just like I just got Jewish stuff. Chris: What does that do? Chris: Not even a target. Travis: Like, nothing. Travis: Sorry. Chris: I don't know. Other Chris: Are there Jewish vampires? Other Chris: Where is that seat? Travis: It's because you guys have golems and s***, like you don't need. Chris: Yeah, I guess if we have something like someone who, like, steals souls or something. Chris: Doesn't do blood wrestle, be around that s***. Travis: That's true. Travis: That's probably why he's respectful of your religions. Travis: Like, I know you guys don't f*** with blood. Travis: It's fine, I swear. Chris: It's elite all the time or something that'll keep me safe. Other Chris: Yeah, it's if you keep kosher. Travis: Well, why you got to do it? Other Chris: Yes, that's why I got to do it. Other Chris: Your blood is full of garlic already. Chris: I'll just put some kosher salt around the room. Chris: Yeah, we'll SOP up anything he's doing so he probably won't come in. Chris: That works on Wikipedia. Chris: It does, I learned. Travis: I saw a documentary about it. Chris: Yeah, me too. Travis: They've sealed up the tomb with Jesus Plato. Travis: And again that white figure returns again with a child. Travis: So Van, helsing throws open the light on her face and like, yes, that's her. Travis: That's Lucy. Travis: She eats the child away. Chris: Which is a great way of describing. Other Chris: Forget that the kids like drowning on the ground. Chris: Forget that kid. Travis: That's what happens when you go for the bloofer lady. Travis: Sorry, take the risk. Travis: But it's like, Beckoning to Arthur. Travis: Like, sweetly and voluptuously to come to Arthur. Travis: They said voluptuous a bunch in this section. Other Chris: They really did. Travis: But then Van housing crucifix blocks her. Travis: No answer for you. Travis: And she's kind of trapped between the cross and the jayzudo until it's like, a very small portion of it, she's able to somehow magically slip inside. Travis: So he's like, So now can I kill your wife? Travis: He's like, okay, fine, I agree. Travis: You got to kill her again. Travis: Let's leave this kid where we left the other one. Travis: Come back tomorrow. Travis: Which they do after, like, a funeral, so no one would be curious whether it's kind of hanging around, reopen her casket. Travis: She's there this time, but how things, like, explaining about how vampire nosferatu, like, propagate, which I'm sure we all know by now, but basically telling them how if you would just kill her. Travis: That's what she wants. Travis: She doesn't want to go on spreading all this, like, crazy s***. Travis: Like, she doesn't want to be Demon Lucy. Travis: She wants to be Nice Lucy, get her soul back. Travis: Like, I'll do it if I have to, but don't you think she'd rather, like, you did it? Travis: All right. Travis: Okay. Travis: So he gets the joy of pounding the stake right into her heart, looking very much like Thor. Travis: They noted, like, freezing seemed to take a while, too. Travis: This is hard work, raising. Travis: Yeah, there's much blood curdling screams and stuff. Travis: But when everything is done, they see there is their sweet Lucy again, dominance. Travis: And helsing like, now you can kiss her, like, no, my dead vampire wife just impaled in the heart, like, no. Chris: Now she's free from the curse. Travis: She's got cooties. Chris: Now kiss her goodbye and then please leave. Chris: But we cut off her head. Travis: Exactly. Travis: So, yeah, that's what they do. Travis: Mention that he solders her casket closed. Travis: Don't get me out of this. Chris: Back again. Chris: Already got a lead that's been soldered together. Travis: There's no breaking that, especially if you're undead and strong like a vampire. Other Chris: Yeah, it definitely didn't work before. Chris: She can be pretty weak, though, from the garlic in her mouth and her head not attached and steak in her heart, so she probably couldn't get out. Travis: True, but they didn't burn her or anything. Chris: But dracula could probably free her if you needed to. Travis: Yeah, and I thought they made a mention of this somewhere in here that, like, while she was a vampire, he could, like, use her grave as, like, a base. Travis: But now that she dead, he can't do that anymore. Travis: But I didn't really understand what they're talking about. Other Chris: Well, it has to be what, hallowed in a particular way? Chris: Yes. Other Chris: That's why you had to bring all of the f****** dirt from Transylvania. Other Chris: Blood of the ancestors and whatnot. Travis: I guess, like the secret it doesn't f****** matter. Travis: It's all made up anyway. Travis: Yeah. Travis: It's like, okay, now the real work begins, guys. Travis: So he hands over, like, the Hawkins papers to Dr. Travis: Seward and then tells him to get to reading. Travis: But he's kind of interrupted by Mina showing up. Travis: She's been sent to head to stay with him at the asylum, which is a great place to holiday. Chris: Totally. Travis: In sane asylum. Travis: Yes. Travis: They kind of like swap notes. Travis: Like, she's very interested in his wax cylinder. Travis: They've been recording on super cool journal. Travis: Can I hear that part where Lucy died? Travis: He's like, no, it's my secret journaling. Travis: You cannot read it. Travis: But eventually he's like, all right, it's fine. Travis: I like the note that Mina is like, this is too intense. Travis: Listening to you talk about this is very intense. Travis: I could hear your morning. Travis: Exactly. Travis: Like, recording things down is like the best way to do it. Travis: Right, guys? Travis: You can hear all of our emotional reactions to this stuff. Other Chris: Yes. Other Chris: All of our visceral. Travis: They fill in each other's stories that way. Travis: But again, she's like, I'm going to insist on transcribing this because, like, I can't go to a certain part of your story. Travis: Like, you don't have tracks on this s***. Travis: Can't be like split to the B side is where he talks about the important thing. Other Chris: The B side of the wax cylinder. Travis: Yes. Travis: Brenfield would be the B side. Travis: Not interesting. Other Chris: What's actually kind of weird about it is if you've ever seen somebody recording in a wax cylinder, you have to speak pretty loudly. Other Chris: So I'm just imagining sitting in his. Chris: Office, like just shouting, shouting notes, and then everyone wonders. Chris: And then the patient's going and he says, we're crazy. Travis: Well, she did. Travis: They noted she could hear him from outside the room. Other Chris: Talking to somebody. Travis: Yeah, right. Travis: Yeah. Travis: She's going to transcribe all his notes and she like, I should probably put all these documents into chronological order and make this book that we've been reading. Travis: And she does that in triplicate. Travis: Jesus Christ. Travis: Very efficient. Other Chris: Yeah, well, she does have the brain of a man. Travis: And she learned shorthand. Travis: Yeah. Travis: But Jonathan then arrives and helps with the group project again, points out that Dracula's house is, like, right next door. Travis: And he's like, yeah, and whenever Renfields, like, going crazy, stuff was probably going on over there. Travis: Probably when he was in the house moving. Travis: S***. Other Chris: Oh my god. Chris: Probably. Travis: And they note that actually Renfield is like, great. Travis: He wants to be like set out. Travis: I'm perfectly saying everybody just let me out. Travis: It's fine. Other Chris: Yeah, but we talked and it was really awesome. Other Chris: No problem. Travis: Maybe not the best idea though. Travis: I don't know. Travis: Probably should keep them in here. Other Chris: But he's like, you're going to regret it and it's on you. Travis: Right, exactly. Travis: Just remember that I asked. Other Chris: Yeah. Travis: Be f*****. Travis: So yeah. Travis: Jonathan also tracks down those big boxes of common earth that were delivered to Car Fox. Other Chris: And we get to hear more descriptions of people being thirsty. Travis: Yeah, that's where that came in. Other Chris: Many more. Travis: Yeah. Travis: Mina receives Arthur and the Texan because doctor and Jonathan are out doing god knows what. Travis: Hands them their homework is where you were talking about before. Travis: She's like, she's like the meme at the party. Chris: She's in the coins. Travis: Like they don't know I know that. Travis: They confess their love to Lucy before. Chris: Yeah, I know. Travis: She's dirty secrets, guys. Other Chris: Well, I mean, they're about to find out. Travis: Yeah, they're about to find out. Travis: She knows that. Travis: Should I include this stuff? Travis: And I guess we all should just know what we all know. Travis: It's fine. Chris: Yeah. Chris: There's no secrets between us. Travis: Right? Travis: Right. Travis: Yeah. Travis: That's the moment alone with Arthur. Travis: She expresses some sympathies and just like breaks down. Travis: Because motherly women is the only people that are okay to do this for. Other Chris: Yeah, she's been married for like three weeks and she's probably like f****** 19 years old. Travis: She's like, this is going to be like when I have kids. Travis: Like I have to comfort them too. Travis: Yes. Chris: Better get in now. Chris: Get some practice. Other Chris: She's learned that men are big babies. Chris: Hold them to your bosom. Chris: Let them cry it out. Travis: Even Quincy's, like, I might get in on this. Travis: I'm going to do that and tell. Chris: Them to go play in the backyard. Travis: Calls her little sister, whatever. Travis: Yeah. Travis: Mina decides she wants to meet Renfield because she's read all about him. Travis: Like she's a fan. Other Chris: Who wouldn't be? Travis: Renfield is like, can I tidy up first? Travis: And like eats all his spiders and s***, which I thought was great. Travis: You're not the one the doctor was in love with, though. Travis: So he knows all the notes too, again. Travis: Maybe because he's nearby and could hear him recording on Whack. Chris: Probably. Other Chris: Yelling. Travis: Yeah. Travis: He very commonly talks about his belief in eating life to extend his own before they have to go and meet with Van Helsing. Travis: He's like, goodbye, I hope I never see you again. Travis: So he's a good dude. Travis: He knows what's going on. Travis: Yeah. Other Chris: And I have to say I feel for him. Other Chris: Like having that moment of lucidity in between. Other Chris: Like bounce of craziness. Other Chris: That really sucks. Other Chris: It really sucks. Travis: Yeah. Travis: Especially when you're like it's f****** vampires involved too. Travis: This is going to be miserable for you if things go south when they go south, I mean, right? Other Chris: He's just waiting for the next time he goes crazy too. Travis: Yeah. Travis: Yep. Travis: So they meet together for a council. Travis: Let me tell you a lecture about vampires and, you know, it's basically the usual stuff we already know about vampires. Other Chris: The moonbeam dust. Travis: Yeah, but no sparkling was mentioned. Travis: Just throwing it out there. Chris: That's good. Travis: Yeah. Chris: Only one heretical source has them sparkle. Travis: Because why we have to fight him now. Travis: And we should use all the advantages we have. Travis: We can be awake at day to do stuff during the day. Other Chris: Basically, that's what they came up with. Other Chris: That's our plan. Travis: Yes. Travis: We have to fight them or we shield, as Bruno Mars says, be locked out of heaven because he'll turn us off. Travis: Yeah. Other Chris: Beginning of a f****** zombie movie. Travis: So yeah, they've got daylight, they've got garlic, they've got running water. Travis: And like, not being invited in places. Travis: Those are their weapons. Travis: Quincy runs off all the sudden. Travis: It's like, hold on, I see something. Other Chris: Yeah. Other Chris: Does the most Texan thing ever, right? Other Chris: Just runs outside. Chris: The shoot is done. Travis: Shoots into the window of the room where they're all standing like a guy. Chris: Oh, my bad. Travis: Could you not? Travis: We're all right here. Other Chris: Sorry. Chris: We're already a little on edge. Travis: Yeah. Travis: He's like, I just don't like these bats anymore. Other Chris: Before you do that, though, right. Chris: I guess the bat would hear them and ruin a shot. Travis: I guess he's like, oh, s***, I got to go. Chris: Yeah. Travis: Everyone basically decides this is as far as Nina should go because she's a woman and too dear to lose. Travis: Like, we don't want to lose another someone we can cry for. Travis: Yes. Other Chris: Even though, you know, she's like, such a great help and everything. Travis: Yeah. Travis: She's putting things together. Travis: She's helping out a lot, but whatever. Other Chris: She's the f****** heart and soul of the team anyway. Travis: We're going to go do like we're going to fight vampires and s***. Travis: You go to bed. Travis: Yeah, as if I could sleep. Travis: The undead are roaming around and my husband is going to go fight them. Travis: That's fine. Travis: I'll just take a pill or whatever. Other Chris: But melatonin kind of brandy. Travis: I'll just not look at my cell phone for 2 hours before bed and I'll be fine. Chris: Just dissolve that Melatonin pill in your brandy. Chris: Go ahead and chug it. Other Chris: Have some of that lognum one. Chris: Oh, yeah, they had that back then. Chris: Perfect. Travis: She has some CBD gummies and goes right to sleep. Chris: I want to try CBD gummies now. Travis: You should. Travis: Although I had some that weren't good for me. Travis: But it's a very bad headache. Chris: I have to ask Britney. Chris: She's knowledgeable in such things. Travis: Yeah. Travis: Ask Britney. Travis: Do that. Chris: Help my life out a little bit. Travis: Don't do it now, though. Travis: Like, wait till we're done. Chris: No. Travis: Yeah. Travis: And before they set out, though, there's like, another summons to go talk to Renfield. Travis: He's very eloquent. Travis: But again, very urgent. Travis: He's like, I got to get out of here. Travis: But he knows s*** about everybody. Travis: He's even talked to the guy about Texas. Travis: Recently admitted to the Union and Monroe Doctrine. Travis: That's not the kind of thing I expect a guy in a looney bin to know about. Other Chris: You want of his spiders? Travis: Like, maybe apparently Texan spider. Chris: Yep. Travis: Yeah. Travis: But anyway, once again, he's got to go get out, like, right now and tonight. Travis: And they're like, Would you want to tell us why? Travis: He's like, no, not at liberty. Travis: Like, then I guess you can't come out. Travis: But again, this is where you're saying, like, just remember that I asked. Travis: Yeah, very politely. Travis: And I talked about Texas being awesome, so I'm sure Quincy was on his side. Other Chris: Push it immediately. Travis: Yeah. Travis: Couldn't you just let him out? Travis: Isn't it okay, anyway, right? Other Chris: He's fine. Travis: He equips the team with garlic and crosses in holy water, which is, like, the worst weapon from Castlevania, in my opinion. Other Chris: Yeah, you got to get the dagger. Travis: Yeah, definitely dagger. Other Chris: Or at least axe axe, if not dagger. Travis: Like, the only thing worse than the holy water is, like, the dust. Travis: I don't know what that is. Travis: Maybe that is the Jesus plato. Travis: I don't know. Chris: Maybe. Other Chris: I don't think they had the Jesus Plato. Travis: Well, they should have. Travis: Yeah. Travis: They use a skeleton key to break into Car fox, and not much is found inside, though they all do seem to be, like, seeing faces peering out of the darkness on occasion, because maybe. Chris: There is a face peering at them. Travis: Out of the dark. Travis: They're just nervous or something. Travis: I don't know. Travis: Okay, no, or maybe there is, but yes, but also oh, my God, the stench. Travis: It's like bad breath times a million. Travis: Guys. Travis: Like, it stinks in there. Other Chris: No, gross. Travis: And they do find those boxes of earth and realize that 21 of the 50 have already been moved around. Travis: So dude's, already, like, opening branches. Travis: Dracula near you. Travis: F****** Starbucks over here. Travis: And then, like, a sudden flood of rats just sweep in. Travis: But luckily, luckily, Arthur is like, I brought my silver whistle halls in and summons his terriers that come over and f*** him up, chase him around. Travis: Men are like, okay, good work, guys. Travis: Let's go home. Travis: We did all we need to do. Travis: We counted the boxes, I guess, but time to go. Chris: Yeah. Travis: When they get back, they make a note that there's some moaning in Renfield's room and, like, someone screaming somewhere. Travis: And Man Mina is pale. Travis: I'm kind of confused when he wakes her up. Chris: Oh, no, not Mina. Travis: She's the best one. Travis: Elsie is like, I'm going to interview this Renfield guy. Travis: And I liked him yesterday. Travis: This time he's, like, very sullen and not nearly as eloquent, and he's like, you stupid Dutch guy, I'll talk to you. Travis: Nina writing in her journal about a dream that she had, like, when the guys left, like, a fog came into the house. Other Chris: A fog? Travis: Yeah. Other Chris: And like there's she should have remembered from that meeting the other night. Other Chris: Where did she not put it together? Travis: Yeah, it was like a white face, like materializing out of smoke. Travis: Almost exactly like both in the Bible and like Lucy had said. Chris: I feel like that experience gives you some amnesia. Travis: Yeah, it could be. Travis: And now she's having trouble sleeping, so she's like, doc, can I have like, an opiate? Travis: Yeah, sure. Travis: Great. Travis: But just as she's drifting off, she's kind of like, maybe I shouldn't have been drugged for this part. Travis: Anyway, the end of that section. Other Chris: Yeah. Travis: If Mina dies, I'm quitting this book. Chris: Yeah, agreed. Travis: Mina needs to live. Other Chris: One star. Other Chris: Goodreads review. Chris: Right? Travis: That killed the best character. Travis: She better be the one to turn it around and be like, maybe I'm turning you into a nice guy. Travis: Instead you turning me into a vampire. Other Chris: Oh, man. Other Chris: Dracula, that is a modern take on this story. Travis: What a masochistic lion? Other Chris: Save him. Travis: Yeah. Travis: The lion shall lay down the lamb. Travis: What a masochistic lion? Travis: Or whatever. Travis: Or was it the lamb? Travis: I forget. Travis: I'll stop quoting Twilight as soon as I can. Other Chris: For real? Travis: Yeah. Travis: Although it's like they fell in love and had to hang out at school and then werewolf showed up. Travis: I'd be cool fat, too, as long as she lives or something. Travis: As long as she's happy. Travis: Anyway. Travis: So, yeah, s*** is about to go crazy. Travis: They're off fighting Dracula himself now, probably. Travis: And they need to do it before Mina becomes a vampir. Chris: Otherwise she'll be lost to them forever. Travis: Yeah, she won't be able to go to heaven. Travis: And we need someone to transcribe notes. Travis: If she's like a familiar who's going to write about the book. Other Chris: She has to live because there's. Chris: So that disproves it. Other Chris: It's going to end with her typing up everyone else's journals up until next f****** page. Other Chris: And now I'm done typing. Other Chris: The end. Travis: My boyfriend Dracula just came back and we're going to play piano together. Other Chris: We're going to have a party. Travis: Yeah. Chris: Some blood wine. Travis: Oh, wow. Travis: No, maybe some blood oranges, maybe, because he's pretty exotic. Travis: She made him a vegan now. Chris: Yeah. Travis: He lives on True Blood and blood oranges. Chris: Correct. Travis: Yeah. Travis: So now we got to read the rest of this g****** book. Other Chris: Oh, yeah, we do. Travis: But I expect this part to go much quicker. Travis: Yeah, because I don't anticipate a whole lot of solid liquids. Other Chris: No, but I mean, you never know. Travis: Never know. Chris: It's true. Chris: But I think we need a little more action. Other Chris: I feel like there's going to be a speech. Other Chris: Dracula is going to make a speech. Travis: He had better. Travis: I expect nothing less. Travis: I want to feel guilty about him dying later. Other Chris: Yeah, he's going to talk about his grand. Other Chris: History is like 400 years of murdering. Chris: Right. Chris: What got me here to where I am today? Travis: Right. Other Chris: We started at the bottom. Travis: Now I'm here killing people. Travis: Do you guys have anything else that's good? Travis: No, just nope. Chris: Changes at school, trying to read. Travis: Yeah. Travis: Anything good or just this book? Chris: Just this book, which could be included. Travis: In things that are good. Travis: I just want to throw that out there. Chris: I keep starting Audible Books. Chris: I'm like never finishing them. Chris: But, yeah, I did start the new Stephen King. Chris: One fairytale. Travis: Oh, yeah. Travis: I hear good things. Chris: Pretty good so far. Chris: I'm only a few hours into it, but it's pretty good. Other Chris: Is there a child murder? Chris: No, I don't know yet. Chris: I haven't listened enough yet to get to the weird s*** yet. Chris: Just kidding. Chris: To the old man and the dog that play a major role. Travis: We saw that Dr. Travis: Sleep movie and they literally murdered a kid on screen for everyone to watch. Travis: So it's bound to happen. Other Chris: It's nice to see that in a movie. Travis: Sometimes they're willing to go there. Chris: Something is supposed to be kind of like that. Chris: Like, okay, good, we're here. Chris: We didn't lose that. Travis: Yeah, exactly. Chris: And I've got 6 hours left of Cloud Cuckoo Land, which has been fun. Chris: Oh, yeah, I've been really liking that. Travis: I've seen that, but I've been interested. Travis: But I have not gone further than that. Chris: It's neat about it's about multiple people through different times, all linked together by this one fake ancient book. Chris: I think it's supposed to be an Aristophanes title, but I can't remember. Chris: And it was a silly play thing called Cloud Cuckoo Land when it's translated from the Greek. Chris: All these different characters that get woven in and some of them is the same guy, but two different points of his life. Chris: It's like when he was a young man for a Korean War and then he's an old man as a librarian in this town, and I can't remember where Oregon or Idaho or something like. Other Chris: That is cloud Cuckoo Land. Other Chris: Is it a location in Gullivers Travels or something? Chris: I feel like no, but it's supposed to be something. Travis: I'm thinking it was in Lego Movie, right? Chris: Probably. Chris: Those were pretty good. Travis: Wasn't that where Unikitty lives? Chris: I don't know. Other Chris: You know what? Other Chris: I think you're right. Other Chris: I think you are correct. Chris: Yeah, but I think it's one of those ones that I know of. Travis: I don't know if I'm like ancient Greek and s***. Other Chris: I was like, Why is this so familiar? Chris: But kind of like the oh, God, the one I read from the other guy, like ten years ago, they made a movie about Cloud Atlas. Chris: Yeah, that's it kind of like that. Chris: And that it features different time periods and links them all together in a way, but that's the only thing they share in common. Chris: And the word markup. Travis: Those books are hosted on another server. Chris: Yeah. Chris: Wikipedia here says that Cloud Cuckoo Land is a state of absurdity, over optimistic fantasy or an unrealistically idealistic state of mind where everything appears to be perfect. Chris: So in the modern world, someone who's seen it's crazy or strange, people like that kind of stuff. Chris: Where did you come from? Chris: Tell me, what is your origins, sir? Chris: Okay, so actually it was a real Aristophanes thing. Chris: Wrote and directed the drama the birds. Chris: And we were just pistolaris. Chris: The Middle East Athenian persuades the world's birds to create a new city in the sky to be Nefalakogiga or kow cuckoo land. Travis: Yeah. Chris: So it is an actual real air stopping the birds. Travis: That's from the birds. Travis: All right. Chris: Apparently I learned something, so I thought maybe they made that up for the book. Chris: But all they made up is the details that they have in it. Travis: Nice. Chris: As in this book, it exists clearly enough that people can study it and make plays about it and s*** like that. Chris: So that's how it kind of gets interwoven throughout the story. Chris: And it goes all the way from some people in Constantinople when the church are coming up to way in the future on a generation ship and we're all in between. Chris: It's actually pretty neat. Chris: I've been really enjoying it. Chris: I just don't listen to it all the time. Chris: But I've got most of it done apparently for only about 6 hours left. Travis: I've got credits to spend. Travis: Maybe I'll spend them on it's. Chris: Worth it. Chris: I think it's worth it. Travis: All right, cool. Travis: There it is. Chris: Yes. Chris: What's the latest ones? Travis: I got it's. Chris: Got some books today on Audible. Chris: Oh, the left handed darkness. Chris: I use for my credits to get that. Other Chris: Oh, yeah, definitely. Chris: Yeah. Chris: And then they had one of their produced one things. Chris: They do Audible originals that are Free Space 1969, narrated by Natasha Leone and other people. Travis: Oh, that sounds fun. Chris: That sounds fun. Chris: But definitely Lefthanded Darkness was like, oh, yes. Travis: Got it. Travis: Got it too. Travis: Cool. Other Chris: You really do. Travis: You have to read one. Chris: Listening. Chris: Read to. Travis: That's a good one to read. Chris: Yeah. Travis: Cool. Chris: I figured. Travis: Other Chris, anything that's good. Other Chris: So I started reading a manga called ayasumi Bunfun. Chris: Okay. Travis: Yasumi. Travis: Let's go to bed. Travis: Yeah, okay. Travis: Yeah. Other Chris: Like, good night. Travis: Good night. Other Chris: Good night. Travis: Is Spoonful a character in it? Other Chris: Like a tofu is a character. Travis: Okay, I've sussed out the title. Other Chris: You have? Other Chris: You figured it out? Other Chris: But it is really f****** weird. Other Chris: So the art style reminds me of an oceani or like I don't know, like, who's the other guy who did, like uzumaki and ito. Travis: Yeah. Travis: June. Other Chris: That kind of incredibly detailed, kind of grotesque faces. Other Chris: Unlike normal people. Travis: Yeah. Other Chris: Like how you get these weird close up shots where they just look f****** insane. Other Chris: The way that they're smiling or the way their eyes are shaped, or like just something about their expressions is something just psychologically really horrifying. Travis: You know, people like this. Chris: Yeah. Other Chris: Oh, my God. Other Chris: But it's about poompoon. Other Chris: Poompoon, the main character is actually drawn as this weird kind of formless bird. Other Chris: He looks kind of like a ghost with a beak and little bird legs. Other Chris: And he's, like this elementary school kid and so he kind of doesn't understand the world around him or what's going on. Other Chris: And so it's kind of that kind of dramatic irony of you reading it as an adult and understanding all of the f***** up stuff that's happening around him while he does not. Travis: Right. Other Chris: And so he talks about, in the first chapter, like, his first crush at school is, like, the popular girl and he fell in love with her when he saw her, like, behind the school building, like, sitting on this kid, shoving gravel into his mouth. Other Chris: And she transfers away, and this new girl shows up. Other Chris: So it's kind of about him and her, and it's also about him and, like, his totally dysfunctional home life, like with his abusive dad. Travis: Jeez. Travis: Very uplifting. Other Chris: It was like it oh, my God, it's so weird. Other Chris: So f***** up and I don't know. Other Chris: It's really good, though. Other Chris: Yeah, so check it out. Travis: All right, cool. Travis: Good night. Travis: FinFin. Travis: Yes. Chris: I learned a wonderful German thing here, looking reading about this class. Chris: Vulcan kuku saim. Chris: That's the name of German. Chris: Vulcan cuckootheim. Travis: Nice. Travis: Good pronunciation, I think, too. Travis: I have no idea, but it sounds like it's convinced me. Other Chris: You have to just sound angry. Travis: Yeah. Travis: Fork, coco sign. Chris: Maybe that's closer. Chris: I don't know. Travis: Definitely closer. Other Chris: And we've alienated all of the Germans. Chris: Sorry, germans. Other Chris: I believe the Zambians are still here. Chris: Though hopefully they are Germans. Chris: If you're there, please write in. Chris: Please do follow us. Chris: Yeah, you can have funded our expense for my terrible German because I really don't speak your language. Other Chris: We're so sorry. Travis: Just a complicated compound word that describes exactly how dumb we are. Chris: Yes, please, I would love to know this. Travis: Oh, man. Travis: Well, I've also been reading some comics, actually catching up on some. Travis: So not like obscure comics or anything, but I was reading through Spy Family. Other Chris: Okay. Travis: Or do you say the X? Travis: I don't know. Travis: Spy Family. Other Chris: Usually you don't in those titles. Travis: Yeah, Spy Family, which is really cool for those who don't know, it's, like, basically a spy whose mission is to get into, I don't know, Eurasia or Oceania. Travis: I forget what it's called. Travis: But some made up big enemy country. Other Chris: Yeah. Travis: And to do it like one yeah, to do so what you're going to do is you're going to get a kid and you're getting them enrolled in this really highfalutin daycare or prep school because all of the world leaders from Eurasia go there. Travis: So you can get your target that way. Travis: Yeah. Travis: I don't have a kid, though. Travis: Like, whatever. Other Chris: They'll assign you a kid. Travis: Yeah, so it goes and just adopts as a kid to help him with his mission to infiltrate a f****** daycare. Travis: But it will never work if it's just you as a single parent. Travis: They won't let you in. Travis: So he meets some random lady and he's like, should we get married? Travis: If I remember, it's like the excuses that she's going to be looked poorly upon because of her government job that she's got not being married. Travis: She's like, well, I want to keep working there, and I don't have someone I'm going to marry, so I'll marry you instead. Chris: Perfect. Chris: Good reason to get married. Travis: So they got this family together with the sole purpose of getting their adopted daughter into a daycare so they can do spy s***. Travis: Except the lady that he marries is actually like a brutal assassin. Travis: That's why she hasn't married before, because she killed all these people. Travis: Actually, the kid they adopted is psychic and so knows both of their secret lives while they don't know anything about each other. Travis: Your basic Threes Company situation. Travis: Yeah. Chris: Sounds like your shenanigans there. Travis: Yeah, it's surprisingly cute with that setup. Travis: There's a lot I'm like, AW, that's really nice. Travis: It's nice that that brutal assassin is teaching her how to do karate and stuff in case she needs some murdering for classmates. Chris: Right. Other Chris: There's an anime now. Travis: Yeah, there is. Chris: I've heard about the anime. Travis: Yeah. Travis: So I'm about, I don't know, halfway through this series so far as what's been published. Travis: So I'm digging it. Travis: I'm also catching up on Heartbreakers, which is like British doji, essentially. Travis: It's like about some high school guys that decide that they are going to start dating. Travis: So it's also full of a lot of cute, cute stuff going on. Travis: But it's pretty cool. Travis: I would recommend it to people. Travis: Cool. Travis: Yeah, that's all I got. Other Chris: All right. Travis: And what I don't recommend is Fort Worth. Travis: Just don't forget. Chris: Christmas. Chris: You go down there because you're going to make it. Travis: We're not going that far. Travis: No, we're going to go to Irving and no further. Travis: Okay, sure. Chris: To get some water burger for me. Other Chris: I'm sure we can do better than whataburger absolutely, but you should have some. Travis: It is good. Travis: But we're going to I feel like they're going to burn Christmas. Travis: One meal. Travis: We're not going to use it on water burger. Travis: That's right. Chris: That's true. Chris: If you've done something better, one meal a day. Travis: Okay, that was our session for today homework. Travis: If you're reading along is easy. Travis: Just read until there isn't any book left. Travis: So easy. Travis: Also, some important on second thoughts today. Travis: First of all, that book I was just talking about reading is not called Heartbreakers. Travis: It's called heartstopper. Travis: Heartbreakers, I think, is a movie that I have never seen. Travis: Heart Stopper Singular is the comic series that I'm digging on. Travis: Sorry, old man. Travis: Brain. Travis: Also, Fort Worth is a fine place. Travis: Really? Travis: I've seen some coolass concerts there. Travis: I've enjoyed a beverage at the Flying Saucer over in Sundance Square. Travis: And their zoo is nice. Travis: I really like that it doesn't have a freaking road going right through the middle of it. Travis: Like in the Dallas Zoo. Travis: I just wish it didn't take so long to get over to all that stuff, you know? Travis: Today's episode was mercifully executed before it could yeet any children into the heath with thanks to Chris, chris Ham, Chris other Chris Jacobson, who was edited by me, Travis Row, and was sponsored by no one in particular. Travis: Until next time, keep f****** reading. Travis: Music video and all. Travis: My wives like to eat children. Travis: Unless someone scares them, they just toss them off. Travis: Toss them away, I should say. Travis: They don't toss them off. Travis: They toss them away. Travis: These are children, after all. Other Chris: What kind of podcast is this? Travis: Make a note to let you cut that out. Travis: That's is tasteful. Chris: It's not the podcast you all thought. Travis: Exactly. Travis: Remember we started with jack trucks? Travis: Like, this is exactly where we're always going. Travis: Yeah.