**Please note: this transcript was automatically generated. We're working on going back over this to add speakers' names and clear up misspellings as we have time ... but as we all know, there is precious little of that**


it's okay too much about what's that guy doing?

Is he clapping clapping?

It didn't come across the screen that way.

Okay.

Anybody ever uses those in like an actual real meeting and I don't want to go on and on mute just to say, okay, I hope that you should start sending the clapping guy.

Sometimes I do someone is like, it's there anniversary or something and I also don't want to go on mute and say words apparently un ironically using emojis as a millennial thing.

Yeah, well we're millennials.

The gen z ers make fun of us for using it.

They wish that we could be, they wish they could be so cool as us.

Exactly.

What are those Tiktok.

Okay.

Yeah.

Like I could just post a status.

I don't have to do a dance and have a video of me posting it like right Yeah, exactly.

And I wear jeans that like fit.

Yeah.

Not all my posts have to be a thirst trap guys, like it's fine.

Hello and welcome back to our Tfb.

Well it's that time of year again where friends gather close carols are sung.

Home Alone's one and two are constantly playing on free form and hallmark channel is simply lousy with cheesy rom coms, gentle listeners.

This is Travis and today chris, other chris Danielle and I are back to enjoy a thick slice of holiday ham with all of you this year.

That ham is a movie called the christmas contest based on the book of the same name written by Scarlett Wilson once again, hallmark is weird about how often they play these movies and what is available on their streaming app, but if you're listening to this episode, the day it drops, the movie is next scheduled to air on december 19th at nine a.m.

Central, so dust off your DVRs.

Most of us were also able to watch via sling tv though and you know, I would never recommend anything to land you on the naughty list this close to christmas, but the internet always has ways to watch stuff.

Think of it as christmas magic anyway, make yourself a warm drink, preferably with a shot of something strong in it.

Get cozy and let's get back to my conversation with chris, other chris and Danielle already in progress.

No, no, no, like gen z, like they were like really like baggy types brought back like the eighties and nineties baggy clothes, like my skinny jeans that are form fitting there, like those are like so outdated and you see what they're wearing, It's like you do not get to make comments like you're wearing, you're wearing that older sisters war when we were five.

It's like, okay, DJ Tanner, like that's the style.

Like I never did skinny jeans because they don't make those for large people, but that's okay.

It was nice to have slightly more form fitting clothes, you know, so I don't look like a homeless person that, that low rise jeans are coming back, that's the thing that I saw kind of like those went away a bit.

Yeah.

I told, I told my sister about it because like, that was, that was her thing growing up, right?

And she was like, like I refuse.

And I'm like, I will tell everyone that you said that like, like, no, she, she won't let it happen.

Sorry, you guys, it's shut down.

It's like, listen, you don't, the low rise is not a good idea because then you can't cover the like jiggly bits.

Listen to the trust, trust us.

Like we did all that experimenting for you.

So you don't have to like the high waisted and then like form fitting skinny jeans.

Those are the way to go because that gives you a shape.

Exactly.

The stuff that gives them no shape.

Like when I was a young teen boy, I thought low rise jeans were awesome on girl.

Yeah, girls your age at that time it was probably okay.

Then we got older.

I'm like way better on people.

I can't rock any low rise.

I'm sorry.

That does not work out very few people can rock them with any effect and that's not the majority of people are wearing them, right?

So fashion is so weird.

Yeah.

Really, just stick with real close people.

Just, just don't worry about the rest dress for your body type and comfort level.

And then like, you'll feel so much better about yourself and then you look better than whatever you wear.

Just, let's go back to the Gene Code jeans.

Oh, you have like two to your bottles in my pants at all times.

That's a whole skateboard.

I mean surges back so we can do it man.

If you can get with low rise jeans, like women pockets already don't fit anything.

Like a low rise jean isn't, it's going to be even shorter pockets.

What are you gonna stick in there yourself?

So dumb.

And then, and then they're like, they, they cut your jeans so that your pockets don't work.

And then they're like, hey, you can't bring a person.

Sorry.

Like did you want to come in?

Well you have to put stuff in your pockets.

I'm sorry.

I have no pockets.

Apparently I would have to wear my running belt if I wanted to.

Or you or you can bring a freaking giant clear stadium bag as long as they can see in there.

It's like, okay, well here's all my tampons and my and my, my chapstick for everyone to see enjoy.

Remember you made me show it to you?

Clear bag, yep, sorry, you wanted to see here it is called down the Thunder.

Mm that's right.

Mm hmm.

They're like, you can have the tiniest of clutch or this giant clear stadium bag, but not a normal person.

I couldn't possibly yeah, totally impossible.

Couldn't possibly kids wear real clothes.

That's right.

You did when you were young anyway, the holidays.

Right man.

Because of the holidays now.

Holiday episode.

Didn't you feel festive after reading this book?

Y'all okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

This it was really bad.

Yeah.

Like it's like really bad.

It was so bad that I read the first half of it on the plane ride to north Carolina for Levi's cross country nationals and I had to stop and take a nap.

Like that's literally what I read it all in one go because it was only like 100 fucking pages.

Right?

Yeah, but I had to take a nap.

It was that bad.

So I will say like, like it was it was it last year that it was like the super creepy guy.

Oh, that was, that was the year before.

Oh yeah, last year.

It's time for that one was okay last year.

But yeah, but the, the creep o dude, that definitely uh like still still, I don't know, like it's outclassed this one I think like, uh there wasn't anything like super objectionable in this.

It was just a bad book, right?

The objection thing in that other book was like, oh, that's something that that healthy people don't do.

And this one was like, did anyone edit this?

I don't think they actually actually, I took notes this time.

And I want to tell you since you, since you said that he put his hand in her.

Not, it was supposed to be in hers, but it went in her.

Yes.

Mm hmm.

But no, I I have a note here that says not a single person proofread this book.

I'm not sure the author even read through it again after she shouted out.

Probably true.

Like I really how does this make it out?

It doesn't matter.

It didn't.

I mean doesn't there was there was a girl in it and then the guy and they're like, oh listen, I also want to tell you that like, you look at the cover of the book and I tell you, I'm not picturing those people on the cover at all when I'm reading this, Like, there's no way that those people are the ones in this book.

Yeah.

And also like, it's bad.

It's a horrible book, right?

And somehow hallmark made it worse.

Really?

I thought the movie version was better.

I mean it was bad.

Yes, it was bad.

But like, like all of, at least all of my complaints about the story and and a little bit about the writing were addressed by the movie.

Like not necessarily by somebody competent, but I will say somebody more competent than the person that wrote this book.

Someone at least attempted.

Yeah.

Like 11 of the things that I thought, well I was reading this is like, Oh, they just immediately like each other like page 10 or whatever.

Like, like they meet and they're already like fucking thirsty for each other.

And it's like, where do you go from there?

Where's where's the conflict?

Like, oh no, we're in this contest and we can't like each other.

We couldn't possibly split the money.

You can't you can't start a story with them already.

Like Yeah, it's romance novel 101.

You do not start with like liking each other.

You have to be enemies first.

Well, I think chris and said he had a similar reaction to you from the movie and he's like, I give up for today.

Like, yeah, I didn't read the book.

I didn't finish.

It was terrible of your reviews.

Made the book sound good.

It turns out I was rewarded with time in my life.

He liked is Candace Cameron because I've always liked DJ Tanner even though she's not always the best actress, correct.

So especially in this like I, I feel like Candace Cameron, what's her last name?

Candace Cameron Bure.

She she was really like okay in like full House when she was younger and I feel like she's not as good as she's older.

She's very pretty.

She did great in Fuller House and that's all I ask of her.

She's aged well.

She looks, she looks good, will do that.

Yeah, it's usually helpful having access to like make up artist to accept foreign.

Like the commercials.

Did you guys will none of you like, did you watch like apparently in the commercials.

Her and like the guy who I guess was also in Fuller House?

We learned?

Yeah, we didn't watch Fuller house, so we don't know, but they were like giving us like tips or something in the commercial breaks and like I don't know who told her the bright red lipstick, but that did not work.

No, I know what you're talking about.

That was definitely something that I noticed.

I was like, no, which is a weird thing for me at the, at the end she had a different lipstick color on the red, wasn't working.

No, no, it definitely didn't.

We are getting hit by the way, way ahead of ourselves.

I'm sorry, I just can't upsetting this book.

This book was, but I didn't get to ask the group question right christmas contest um christmas contest.

What would if you're you know holiday of choice contest event have been, if you have to prove that you are the whatever wrist of your chosen holiday, what would your your contest be?

I would love a Latka eating contest because I love you nose may not win, but I will enjoy it thoroughly.

$10,000 if you get the most to win.

Put you out of coney Island and Nathan's with I prove oh man, uh what's uh what is a competition?

I know that I would like to do whatever I could to try and get out of it.

That's that's what I would do it like oh I can't, I'm sorry, I can't go all these people gathering and so that should be the competition avoiding gatherings is like my thing whoever whoever is whoever manages not to show up the day the competition happens like wasn't there like a tv show like that where it was like manhunt like you had 24 hours to start running and then like bounty hunter down and if you can stay hidden for like a month then you got money.

That's right yeah and that's what you should do.

You just you just have to stay away from the road because you couldn't take the horse places like mhm take it downstairs.

Yeah exactly.

I couldn't do it.

Yeah because like Travis will be like oh I missed when we could gather and have like when we had that christmas party that was fun.

I'm like I don't want to do that.

I don't want I mean I had I had white trash Russian so I don't I don't like having to host ever in my house where messes are made and like I have to clean them up so I don't like that.

That's not it's not my love language.

Yeah.

Yeah you didn't make a mess neither did you and Sharon when you guys came and stayed with us so you were all allowed back.

It wasn't it wasn't for lack of trying you were allowed back but like you know if if anyone's ever like oh I would I really need a place to stay like I am never offering.

Yeah that the hotel down the street probably has some space for you here.

They have some good rates.

Like I will pay for your hotel room just so you don't stay with Not even kidding except for you guys who you can come back because you did not make a mess and my mother is allowed to, she does not make a mess.

Well no, he could have, but he never wanted, he always wanted to stay at the hotel, which I actually appreciate it because he would like sleep on the couch and then like have the tv on and it's like just go into like a room and shut the door because gets loud and I don't like noise when I'm sleeping.

The only thing I could think of I thought of because of chilling adventures of Sabrina have a yule competition where you have to keep demons out of your house for the longest night of the year.

Keep your yule log burning.

Oh yeah, that would work.

But what if I love demons.

Well then I guess you're, what if I invite them in by name?

What is this?

But no, not really because they would make a mess and I don't invite that.

Maybe um, maybe maybe your christmas competition should be uh defeating a building full of terrorists slash thieves.

Yeah, saving the hostages.

You know, sometimes barefoot, you know something most, most of the time barefoot.

Just a maze of vents.

Yeah, I like that.

Yeah.

Are you guys referencing like die hard or something?

Okay, because I've never seen, Okay, I figured that out.

I approve of all of these competitions.

So I had to do a little bit of research and whatever I could come up with for this book.

Right.

Uh huh.

So it came out in 2019 as we saw, judging by the cover, it's a book about hats and scarves written by Scarlett Wilson who was described as a rita nominated author.

That's what I said.

What the hell is a rita by the way, By the way.

Um uh what was her name?

Scarlett Wilson, totally a real name.

Absolutely, yeah, I looked at her picture and I'm like, yeah, that's about right.

So I found that a read award.

Um it was recently replaced by the Vivian Award, which is why everyone was probably confused.

I'm sure Vivian Award, but it's an award for english language romance fiction.

There are some of the categories best first book, contemporary romance, erotic romance, historical romance, mainstream fiction with a central romance or novel with strong romantic elements and a notable winner in this category.

Outlander.

Okay, no Way Outlander is like 100 times better than this crap.

So if someone didn't win, I'll remind you that it was only nominated.

You know what though?

She lives on the west coast of Scotland.

So she's sucking winning paranormal romance romance, novella romance with religious or spiritual elements, romantic suspense and like I need 100 books in this category.

Like write suspense.

Right?

And then young adult romance, I don't feel like any of those, what's that one with romantic undertones or whatever that uh so when they, when they say young adult romance, like they mean between young adults, right?

It's not like they basically created 14 year olds in the hunger games making out or something.

I looked at the list of winners and Outlander is the only one I recognized too.

So yeah.

Yeah, so uh Danielle mentioned she lives in Scotland and here's a selection of other books.

I found that she's written okay, christmas in the boss's castle, a royal christmas princess.

Not to be confused with non royal princesses I guess.

Okay, one Kiss in Tokyo.

Oh that's going to be like a dry novel.

That's all you get the boy who made them love again when it seemed to be a series of people like having kids to save the marriage.

Like I think that was another one that doesn't work.

It does not tempted by the hot highland dr oh, I'm sorry highland doc, the italian billionaires, New Year's Bride and resisting the single dad.

So wait, she's written more books and it's still red like that.

I didn't say they were any good.

Right?

Listen, she was nominated for the, when your book is like 100 pages long, you can write them pretty quick.

So but also when you have all those categories, you got to put some books in there.

So some of them just get like a freebie vote.

It's like a whole series of like medical romance.

I want to read the one about the Scottish doc or whatever.

The highland dr by the hot highland doc.

Just know that he was hot and highland.

It didn't look like it.

But you know, I'm sure it happens a kilt and a medical coat.

Yeah.

So anyway, the book, Right?

Uh huh.

Yeah.

As we mentioned before, like this book was so bad.

Like I didn't really take notes on what happens in the book because it doesn't matter.

No, I I didn't take notes on what happened.

It was more just my uh, my indignation.

Yes, yes.

All of my notes when I went back and transcribe them were like examples of very poor writing.

So this cover does not match this title.

Well, he could be a doctor.

Is he is he highland was like Scottish, Right?

Yeah.

But modern day, I don't know.

It doesn't look right.

Highlands now they're still there.

I don't Yeah, they are.

Yeah.

Oh my gosh, I couldn't, I couldn't pronounce the dude's name hard.

It's got too many consonants.

Her name is Christy.

His name is J Gillespie.

Anyway, I'm sorry, 256 pages also published in 2019.

So she just cranking these suckers out there.

So the basics about the book, if you didn't read it and I don't advise you to, there's A radio giveaway, right?

$10,000 to the charity of the winner's choice if they win a series of contests on the radio.

That's it, that's the whole thing, That's the whole thing, yep, yep.

And chapter one, page one, my first note, I hate this book, principally due to exclamation point use and just bad sentences.

For example, it was almost like they realized whatever the thing was like, I hate it when authors say it was almost like something if you're the narrator, was it almost like that or was it like that or was it like something else?

Maybe something completely different.

So, so I was like, like they're doing this for charity.

Like what the funk, why are they so into it then?

Because the Senior center, you can't get money from somewhere else.

I don't know.

Like in the movie, I feel like she could have except for they raised the price.

Yeah.

Well, well, and I I also, I also want to point out that since they're in Vermont their radio call letters are wrong, how are they?

The radio station should have started with a K.

And W.

Yeah, it's true or W.

Instead of a K.

Well, when you're in Scotland, I guess you don't know this, but in texas, we have both because we're in the middle.

We are we have W.

F.

A.

And we have one that's like a L.

T.

Y.

And I think that's really inappropriate.

That's a radio station.

It is christian music to W.

F.

D.

D.

It's also Wake Forest actually drove by it 11 of my forays to their campus.

Yeah.

Yeah so are our principal stars here are laura cartridge who's like some sort of hospital admin baker of morning cookies because she came into work being like I just perfected my recipe like what yep that's what she does Know where of Christmas facts which is described as her one vice.

Yeah.

No I I had a note on that too.

Like what kind of sucking vices that she doesn't know.

What do you know what the word vice means?

Knowing things is not advice usually unless she's like beating her friends down with like hey do you know what they do for christmas in like south America?

What about in new Zealand like or she's she's snorting christmas backs up her nose or maybe masturbating to them.

I don't know.

It also notes that helped her on many bar trivia contests.

Many.

Okay let's get one thing straight.

She is not going to any bars.

No this is her one vice.

So she goes and has water okay her charity, she's designated driver decorating her grandma's retirement home.

That's not even a charity, it is in place because everyone's sad that didn't have a huge tree because some contractors stole it or something or took money and didn't do landscaping work.

So everyone's sad because they don't have a goddamn tree and christmas is ruined.

Yeah.

So right again, like, like, I don't know, maybe the family members of the family members of these residents should like, I don't know, pitching and put up a tree or yeah, figure out something else to do.

Like draw a picture, like do the paper chains or something.

I don't know, there's other options here.

Uh, so anyway, her counterpart, Ben Winters, some kind of like a coach or like a boys and girls club guy, ex baseball player drafted for the majors but injured and scrubbed out.

And I think we later learned that runs a woodshop also a number of useless christmas facts because why wouldn't he, because why not?

Right.

His charity of choice is getting a new floor for the gym, which again is like, I don't know, I think that's in your tax money for the school didn't exactly if, if I'm not mistaken like, like, and, and by the way, like sports programs usually get all the money first one 100% like they're definitely not getting a new theater and they're not getting like, uh, you know, new musical instruments or something like they get the gym floor first.

Yeah.

And uh, even so like Ben totally wins on the charity front, like kids, like who are going to use a gym like for the years to come over, like one christmas that the grandparents are sort of fan.

Yeah, yeah.

Anyway, for those saddled fox I say.

Yeah, so like I said no stakes, no stakes at all.

This is, it's really stupid.

Like nobody needs to win.

Nobody even needs to do this and there's no way that you got however many people to enter.

No way.

Yeah, we'll get there.

Is there even that much population or whatever the hell that have some facts here?

So the radio quiz, right?

Everyone has to sign up for radio quiz.

First.

They say there's 600,000 people in Vermont and 20,000 of them entered a radio contest, three percent of the whole state.

I don't even think that many people listen to the radio.

I don't think you're, I think you're right.

I don't think that many people listen in Dallas, They've got like serious.

Do people really give a sh about the radio?

How old is this play by the way?

Do we know?

She looks like not young.

She's at least older than eight.

Okay.

Because If she's like, like 70, that would make sense.

I liked when they're doing the quiz.

Like one of the kids makes a throat cutting gesture and then like, I had to assume that someone got a question wrong, not that the student was about to murder somebody.

Like what else would he think he was threatening him?

It's like, you better fucking come through dude, that's right.

You better get this floor for us.

Okay I'm just gonna find out how old she is.

You keep going.

I noted that Laura was literally going to ship herself during the quiz like because she was so nervous about answering questions and I also questioned like santa zip code.

This ho ho ho.

Yeah.

What?

Apparently that's only in Canada right in Canada.

It's H.

Zero H.

Zero H.

Zero.

Yeah they got they got letters in their yeah in the United States just F.

Y.

I.

The address is 123 Elf Road, North Pole 88888.

So that's good kids if you're writing your letter late so we're gonna send it yep.

Yeah um they both meet up at a random coffee shop.

Um these people that live in a town of 30,000 people but at the same coffee shop often enough for the baristas to know their orders by the way, they're both fantastically gorgeous and they somehow have never met each other.

Yeah she's worked in the health service for over 27 years as a nurse and a health visitor before this.

So so she's so she's used that makes sense and all her medical doctor romance ones.

She also writes young adult fiction under the name S.

M.

Wilson alias You.

Yeah okay and upon meeting she's like why couldn't her opponent have been ugly so she could hate him, I hate him at all.

It's like sucking radio contest?

Oh my God, it's fine dude.

Like seriously?

Like, like I like the way the way that she was like describing this dude.

Like I seriously thought she was just going to like, I don't know like fall into his laugh or something.

I don't know what's going on.

And like like did she uh speculate about the size of his package at some point?

Yeah, that's what I got out of that.

Yeah.

One of my notes from later on like these two people are like tingling and buzzing all the damn time.

It's like they've done like rails of cocaine on the off screen.

Like people are going through fits or something.

Like seriously?

They were super fucking horny in that coffee shop.

And every other time Laura's like I should just vote for Ben.

I like him better.

I vote based on their looks.

Also how many people are voting on a radio competition that they're not.

Do they even have internet in this town?

Yeah.

Even if the most popular radio station here is like christmas contest.

Your vote wins.

I don't care.

Yeah.

I've already forgotten what you said on the radio.

Like come on.

But anyway, I guess it's because of the super exciting challenges.

Like the first one decorating a cake.

Mm mm mm.

Mm mm.

Mm mm.

Mm christmas cake and it was like he has giant dumbass hands and minor small and delicate.

So it's gonna be just great men can't decorate cakes.

How do they do anything with their giant hands?

Seriously?

And again, it's a small town and they go to the one bakery store and they're shocked that they run into each other there and they've never seen each other before and they both know the old lady who works there.

Yeah, it's so weird that no one mentioned the other one to each other before.

Like the most eligible bachelors in town.

Like yeah, no one, no one thought thought it fit to like uh, like mentioned that like, oh, hey, you know, there's this other person that really likes christmas trivia during the guys have the same vice.

He has to the killing puppies and knowing christmas things, uh, when they're doing the competition, like she says his hand brushed the bottles of food coloring and sent them flying.

Okay.

Uh huh brushed them.

Yeah, just grazed, you know, and somewhere in here, she also describes Ben as being hunky handsome, rugged, like a triple threat.

Those are, those are all the same thing.

Like yeah, no, I was, I was gonna say those aren't, he's good looking and he's hot and I want to bang him.

Triple threat.

Yeah.

Anyway, Laura wins.

I forget why it doesn't matter her girlfriends like, hey, want to go out for victor drinks like I'm covered in food coloring bitch.

Speaking of girlfriends uh huh They call each other girl all the time and I'm just mystified because I've never heard anyone do this before.

Like does we do it to like our kids who are not girls but also like yeah, if you're, if you're having like a I don't know if I say it as much in person but like in a text, if you're talking to like my girl group and we're talking about something, you're like girl, what are you talking about?

Like, you know, like in that case it just depends on the situation.

You're not in the girl chat so you don't understand.

But yes, sometimes it is bitch or uh Oh honey Yeah, that's that's the other option.

But like yeah, I've like never heard anyone say girl.

I'm sure I can scroll back and find an instance girl girl.

It must be a regional thing.

Maybe it is challenge number two build the tallest snowman but first dinner interview I guess and falling hard on your ass.

Yeah.

Another crappy sentence.

Uh Laura's thinking about how she'd never have another chance I guess to talk to Ben or whatever, you know, to earn the money for the charity.

Not unless you won the lottery and the chances of that we're a million to one.

It's actually more like 38 million to one or something.

I don't I don't know the exact numbers but it's definitely worse than a million to one millions is still right.

But again, we I think we know how lotto's work.

Also everything Laura wears is described as being wool I guess for coziness factor.

Like they always everything she wears in this book, like it's a wool whatever, which is fine.

But why does she always call it out word count padding?

So you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, she's supported by like the wool council or something.

Oh, you know what she has in Scotland.

Yeah, that's right.

Right.

See found found an instance immediately from yesterday girl sounds like santa's getting a piano that's in my girl chat girl.

They're uh They're building the snowman in a in a central area illuminated by four bright lights.

It was a bit like being under a spotlight.

Exactly.

And the contest is to build the tallest snowman and then they just vote on it like which is it like best no matter tallest doesn't matter.

It's all about the votes and like that it's rigged depending on who your voters are.

And like it sounded like they could vote more than once and they did didn't think this was like MTV like what what was it?

Total recall or what did they used to play the videos like everyone would just go on and just vote, vote, vote, vote, vote Oh yeah, yeah.

Trl total recall.

Sorry, total request live and you could just vote as many times until they like cut it off and it was like if you have the same like desperate person voting for like Backstreet boys are in sync 1000 times an hour and you had all these old ladies on their grand pads, like Yeah, but that's not first of all there, that internet service, the wifi in the nursing home is gonna not be good.

Also those people are not going to know how to use those devices in small town Vermont here, like, all right, that's fair.

Like Siri vote for my granddaughter, grandma was just like, I have the phone, the dialpad memorized, that's all I need.

I'm like, you're right, that works.

So they kept the event off with with Snow Angels of course, and Laura says she liked it, she might have even loved it.

They were having fun.

But uh nope can't do that, she might, you can't have fun.

I don't know, I'm the omniscient narrator, but I'm not quite sure.

But anyway, Laura wins and I said, please win round three so we can just be done right?

But round three write a Christmas story in an hour and this is the secret origin story of this book.

I wrote this book in an hour and turned it in and that's what I Thought I could do.

20 pages up to 20 pages in an hour if I had to, but it's not very easily.

Yeah, I'll get to that at the end of this discussion.

I really, I have some things that I want to talk about the the writing of this book in the industry.

Anyway, keep going.

Ben writes a story about a leftover pumpkin that's used as a present box.

Right, first of all.

No, that's terrible.

2nd of All, No, Laura writes like basically the shock plus with a ghostly hitchhiker.

Uh huh And she says the christmas contest became more interesting every day and hard disagree.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Was she?

If she was talking about the book, definitely not, definitely not, but Against all evidence, Ben wins round three, challenge four, get acquired to sing your favorite christmas song.

The old folks argue over what song, but the kids are like, what if we wrap?

Oh my God, I'm so glad that they didn't write a rap for this book.

Like, I'm so glad that there was not a rap.

Like, like, like if it was, if it was J.

R.

R.

Tolkien, like there would have been a rap, you Know, there would have been, there would have been like 20 pages leading up to it and then there would have been a wrap and then there would have been like.

I don't know more pages about bathing in the river, but like but yeah, I'm so glad they didn't write the kids wrapped in this book.

Oh my God, there's Like 18 words in that song, We don't hear those because no one cares, especially in this section, A lot of characters given names for no reason.

Yes, I don't know who that person is because he said the kids said this, it's fine.

Uh then there's like a time out interlude where laura comes over to Ben's workshop and uses her super administrative skills to help him get caught up on his emails.

Like just jumps in and does it like for free of charge, the height of romance.

Like listen, I got to get you organized because I cannot deal with you in your current state.

And he got so hard.

He sure did.

He was like, yes, free labor.

He had 140 unopened emails.

Those are rookie numbers Guys, 40.

I want you to know that I have zero emails in my inbox zero I zero zero mind becomes just the repository for every email that sent to me.

It's my to do list.

I look at it and move it into a folder and goodbye.

Yeah, that's going through an archive.

Them all like I did a few years ago, their auto archive After six months.

It's not my problem anymore.

That's what the company makes us do.

Anyway.

Anyway.

Anyway, some choice sentences from here.

He wasn't fool enough to look the proverbial gift horse in the mouth period and his gift horse was the gorgeous laura coverage.

Um, I don't know.

So he wasn't going to examine her teeth I guess.

But why not?

They did that in Britain.

You sure did I guess.

Also Ben was tempted, oh boy, he was tempted, 90 year old man lemonade on the porch.

She's like, oh boy, he was, you don't even know if he's got a waiter, but we suspect, we suspect we can't, we can't assume That they go through and the old people have a traditional silent night and the young people have rap version.

So just think of like the end contest and sister Act two Yeah, with the overalls and the backwards hats and colorful and then wins challenge five.

Make an original ornament for the tree in santa's Grotto.

Yeah, I immediately, we went to the grinch's Grotto last year and what was that?

It was like a room with the grinch in it.

That's what I think when they say grotto, I think of my kids standing there in their masks holding a sign that said stink stank stunk and that about sums this up.

There used to be a bar in Rolla called the Grotto was just a dingy basement bar Grotto in Disney world.

It is, yeah.

The important thing to note in this section is they finally kiss and when that happens, the baby jesus ornament and bends pocket feels like it's burning because they're fucking sinners.

We're going to hell.

I must have missed that.

Yeah, his, his ornament is like an activity and when they kiss, he feels the ornament burning a hole in his pocket.

Well, because like he's got a great ornament and here's a ship.

It's made of glittering construction paper and he's like a master carver or whatever.

He's like, I'm gonna win and she's gonna be upset and I can't, I can't um some more choice sentences.

Like we already covered this one after they kiss.

So do I.

Ben says as he slipped his hand in her At one point says quote, but I want meeting you to be happy time.

Oh really?

Oh my God.

But I mean the thing is that uh, I don't know, like you're missing out on all of this hate experience.

You can't, you can't understand it without experiencing this part of her was full of men.

Guys, not the good part.

No.

So in the end they do the gift of the magi ending that always works.

All of them are like, let the other person win instead of doing their ornament.

Like I guess we're a thing now.

It's like the opposite of the prisoner's dilemma, right?

Yeah.

And Laura does the smart thing.

Finally, she's like, I figured I could just call a christmas tree lot for a donation.

Yes, exactly.

That if you have a charity, if you have a charity that you can donate money to, any local business would take the right off and the publicity.

Exactly.

Surely just ask them.

They will give you something.

Yeah.

Same thing with the gym floor.

Like what was that guy's baseball friend?

Like?

Surely their team would be like have a charitable arm.

They could find, yes, back to the community Vermont syrups or whatever.

The Vermont syrup or whatever.

Yeah, so anyway the winner is both of Them my God!

10 $1,000 for each of you.

God bless us.

Every Where did they get the extra $10,000?

It's a radio station laying around, you know the radio stations ridiculous because because of all the internet traffic contest.

Yeah sold so many heads.

Oh my God.

Ah so movie notes.

Right?

Oh we're doing that.

No, I wanted to talk about the story a little bit.

Okay, good.

Okay so so after after reading this, like I said I really thought like I can't believe that somebody got paid for this, I can't believe that somebody made money off of this, like given the state of it, given like the shiftiness of the story is everything about it, you know like and I had a thought after talking to one of my friends that you could have a deep learning algorithm, read all of these shitty christmas stories and then have it generate them.

Yes and you could, you could crank out one a week just like she is and maybe that's what she's doing.

I would not be surprised.

Yeah like the almost english that pervades this whole book, like definitely seems like machine learning to me, you guys figured it out.

Ah Yeah because like there wasn't even anything interesting that happened like romantically like at one point he's like I would like to pull her onto my lap.

Oh, Like I said, like I said, they wanted to Bang each other since, since age 10.

Mhm.

So there's like no conflict.

Yeah, There's no stakes in the radio competition because like $10,000, you can get that anywhere and it's for charity.

Like who gives a suck, like, like there was no point to any of this.

The better thing would have been like if they immediately wanted to bone, but they're like, we can't until after the contest is over because it'll be a scandal.

Like they sort of tried to do that or like uh you know, they could have been doing the no nut november, like they just, they just can't hook up like until the competition is over because they need to be hungry to win, you know, Because that would have been more interesting to read about.

Like, it would have been really being tempted to and like, no, but we really can't or we'll lose the competition.

Yeah.

Yeah, but no.

Yeah.

So anyway, the movie, Right, okay, so we already talked about DJ from Fuller House and they noted in the commercial, one of the commercial breaks that they were gonna be easter eggs from that in this movie, but the one lady said she had a full house when they're playing poker and maybe that was it.

And then he didn't have a full house.

It didn't look like he had a full house when I looked at the cards.

He had like hair be great if he then said, nope, I have a wolf pack instead.

We didn't, we didn't like him though because he like started out awful.

Oh, he was a total jerk.

But yeah, but see, but but here's, here's the thing though, right?

Unlike, unlike the other book where he's just a super good person the entire fucking time.

Like at least in the movie, he starts bad and becomes better.

Yes, that's true.

Like there is development.

Like I said, somebody at least more competent did something on this movie.

Yes, agreed.

Some of the changes I liked, like I liked Laura not just being a random, like an admin.

That's a great thing that there's anything wrong with being an admin, but making her the Ceo or whatever, having to stop down for a busy lifestyle to do christmas stuff.

That at least seems more hallmark ish.

Trying to reconnect with the holiday spirit.

She's not like a bundle of cuddles or whatever.

She's kind of like, I don't give a sh it about any of this, which I like that better.

Mm hmm.

And I thought it made more sense to have them have been dating because now there's a reason for both of them to know christmas, trivia.

Not just two random, insane people in the same.

Exactly.

By the way, The town there in Okay.

Yeah.

So, so I definitely the entire time was thinking like Denver Alberta.

Oh yeah, like it's definitely, yeah, they definitely filmed it in Canada and like, you know, photoshopped Denver Denver community center, whatever.

I did not like the voice over and I didn't like the theme of like the meaning of life is christmas, the meaning of christmas is life, life is the meaning of life all comes at christmas.

It was too preachy.

Very, I didn't like that man.

Yeah, the mother was toxic, toxic relationship with that mother weird.

But I guess again they wanted to give some some sort of character nuance.

Yeah, but I didn't really pick up on her being like, you're always pushing me to be the best.

Like was she?

No, I didn't get that until the very end.

That's right.

She, uh, I guess she pushed her to be in the competition, but her mom's like, listen, you need to, you need to get this for this retirement, you need to do it.

It's on you.

It's like mom, I could just like give you the money.

I'm a ceo of a company and she's like, no, she Called out, she couldn't donate enough.

It was $50,000 in the movie.

So it's almost like there's something at stake.

Well at least I didn't want to just put up a christmas tree, they wanted to like fix the cabinet handles.

Yeah.

Yeah.

At least at least it was like, it was for the, and it and it was and it was for like a public organization and not like a private old folks home, Right?

You know?

And then they switched it and he had the grandma because she did not have the grandma.

He's a grandma's boy, by the way.

Great movie.

It's one of my favorites.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

Uh, Ben looks like the love child of David harbor and any scars guard.

Yes.

He sounded like, um, she noted that her parents were immigrants from America to Canada.

Right?

Maybe from Denver colorado to Denver Albert.

No one in this movie had an accent.

Not the grandma, not the mom, not anything, nobody said sorry or anything like that.

Missed opportunity.

Not at all.

General advice.

Never use a Ted Nugent quote in your movie.

Alright.

Just don't, I don't know what this white buffalo is supposed to be, but if he said it was probably bad.

Yeah.

It's probably about a 14 year old girl or something.

Um, why did all the kids have vaginas on?

They're elf hats.

They did too.

Those are supposed to be ears, but they didn't look like and vaginal.

Uh, I was not paying attention to that.

Well, you should have for pointing it out.

It would have given you a chuckle.

Any random Tiktok could have done both of their song dance routines better.

Yeah.

They didn't even know neither one of them used the correct song.

Like, what was that crap?

And their dance was like 10 seconds like Oh yeah we nailed it guys right?

Yeah and and we didn't get to see the biker guys know we wanted to see what rebel was doing, what was Rebel doing?

What's that guy's name was Rebel by the way?

Also like that that gingerbread man was 100 times better than that messed up yule log.

So I don't know why that girl had to go home.

That lady like she got cheated racism.

Yeah well because she was like vegan or something and they're like we're not going to have you on anymore, you're not very photogenic and this lady just put her boobs into her.

You log.

Yeah she's got cake on her boobs.

So we like that better.

Laura was ceo for like two weeks and it's like this is gonna be a consultant and she didn't even do the job.

She immediately entered the contest by the way by the way.

Like she got that text about like oh those quarter four reports or so if your ceo aren't you like reading reports, other people writing reports for you.

Yeah was like role reversal.

Like she was she was getting walked all over as a ceo apparently she has she has like like one person that she is like you know beholden to and like why is she texting her everyone else is beholden to her and yeah wasn't she one of those that decided to know that was in the book and the books he pushed her to do the contest and the movie was her mom.

Yeah again it's like I'll just pour this onto one of my directs.

Like you guys do it like I get paid to do nothing.

That is how this works.

Welcome to America.

The climax of this movie was like a roller coaster ride for me because Ben is like, hey, instead of this we can just do this charity thing all the time.

And Laura's like no you're just being a.

D.

H.

D.

And you'll just lose interest.

He's like, you know you're right.

I'm just getting excited about the idea and she's like you son of a bit which I'm tired of begging you to be with me.

And even later he's like talking to her mom was like you're right, Laura's mom, I'm not right for her.

And she's like, what the hell go fight for her.

Yeah, there was a lot of confusion like I didn't know what I was supposed to be feeling lines they wanted to put in but they never actually wrote the story behind it.

Well they only had an hour and a half.

I felt like it's like a haiku you can't you can't have any last words.

There's got to be efficient, yep.

I also just want I can't close out this section without noting like I'm saying the most embarrassing day of your life so far stolen from the Simpsons movie so far.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They thought we wouldn't notice.

But I did.

Yeah.

Anyway, It was yet another movie where I felt like every 20 minutes before a commercial I'm like, this surely is almost over and and I was angry.

We even got movie, we got popcorn from the theater and we're eating at home while you're watching it.

And like even that didn't help.

I made myself an eggnog and bourbon and I was getting all festive and then I had just just switch to straight bourbon like yeah, that would have been good.

I wish I had something like that.

Like Yeah, like the thing is like, I'm very tolerant of shitty stuff I guess.

Like I, I I don't know, I have a high pain threshold I guess that was stuff that's supposed to be entertaining.

Like this time It's still entertaining to me though.

That's the thing.

It's still very entertaining to me.

Like, like me there, there was actually one good line in this movie with the one about beating kids.

Oh yeah, I can't believe what just came out of my mouth.

I did laugh at that and you know what though, at least at the end of this horrible book that could have like put her cookie recipe or something that we could have, like they had pizza and I've been watching a lot of holiday baking championship on like the Food Network and honestly I'd rather watch that on repeat forever than watch this movie ever again agreed totally.

I'll see that lady make ugly sweater cookies.

Yeah, I'll listen to those judges be like ridiculous and annoying.

Yeah.

In loop.

As long as I don't have to read this book or watch this movie ever again.

Well, you know what?

You have to, thankfully you don't have to ever again done and done.

Yeah.

And you know, just next year we have to do it again with a different one.

Well, we are going to mark this author off our list.

Yeah, I'm making a declaration now we have to get a Hanukkah look for next year.

We have to get one that there, that's a book that they're going to put on like netflix or something better.

Well netflix has got to adapt some books that I know because netflix, christmas movies are like so much better than hallmarks they are.

That's actually sad that christmas prince didn't have a book.

Oh man.

And like single all the way was so cute.

Even Love Hard was like decent compared to this.

That's what I wanted to kind of close out with is like what other holiday movies of note this year.

So you were talking about Love Hard, we saw that one, that one was entertaining.

It was a portmanteau of their two favorite christmas movies.

Love Actually and Diehard.

Yes.

Oh, that's fun.

It turned out to be okay, cute.

Nina Dobrev from the Vampire Diaries and and and a funny asian guy, I don't remember his name.

He was, he was funny.

He was also one of those Degrassi kids like drake Yeah, it was, it was very cute.

I enjoyed it.

We had princess switch, whatever number we're on now three.

Even that, even that one was decent and Vanessa hudgens times three.

I feel like I'm the only one getting this like, like it's supposed to be bad, you're supposed to hate it.

Like that's the entire point of this.

The point the point is to suffer for everyone else is enjoying.

No, I agree with you.

Like definitely there is something wrong with the people that that read and watch this stuff for real, but like, like a good holiday movies, You're not supposed to like it again.

I feel like I'm, I'm talking to a wall supposed to be bad again again, it's not that they're supposed to be bad.

It's that they are bad.

If they're, if they're supposed to be bad, then it's then it's not entertaining.

I think so.

I think they are genuinely trying to make something you think so Yeah, I think they're putting real effort into it, but they have to crank out like 100 and 60 of these because there's like three new christmas movies on hallmark, every friday saturday sunday, absolutely Mass production and they've got like the same like six actors and actresses on repeat.

They're tired.

It's just like Eggnog, You guys, eggnog doesn't taste good, but once a year I want like two glasses.

Yeah, that's, that's two too many will be like, this is enjoyable.

But even drink, I'm good now, right until next december with alcohol.

Uh We did watch single all the way.

That's been my favorite.

That was pretty good.

That had the guy from Michael Yuri, the gay christmas love story.

Yeah, It's just like any other hallmarks of gay guys.

So it's like doing refreshing.

I enjoyed it a lot.

It was adorable.

They did at least subvert the trope of being like, oh, come to my parents for the holidays and pretend to be my boyfriend.

He's like, yeah, I'm not gonna do that, I'll come, but I'll just be your Yeah, holidays.

I think it I think it would have been really uh like, like what if it was the other way where it was like a gay guy asked his gay friend to come home with him and pretend to be his boyfriend.

So that they think that that's what happens, that's what he wanted to do and he's like, no thank you and your friends like, okay, maybe we'll do it.

And then he's like, oh, but then they wanted to set the other guy up with like a blind date.

And so he's like, oh yeah, you should go and he's like, hey you ended our relationship before it even started.

He's like, I didn't agree to that relationship or something.

That was it was very cute and they danced to Brittany in it so that was that was cute to and she is like aging so well.

Like I can't believe how good she looks.

Yeah, we also watched a castle for christmas which which is fine.

The only the only thing that I didn't like is that like, like I don't prefer to watch like love stories with like grandparents.

It's not like my jam, I don't think I want to then either.

Okay, I'm gonna be like Leonardo Dicaprio where I want everyone younger.

I don't want to watch my own age, Want them all to be in their 20's still like that should be on if we make the next round of shirts sometimes Like that's that's my goal.

I don't wanna I don't Wanna watch like 60 some things like getting ready to do it in the castle.

No thank you.

No thank you.

That's what it was.

But it was still it was still better than that.

Yes it was, it was even with Wesley trying to pretend to be Scottish.

He looks way better than she does.

I wondered how the people in Dunbar Scotland thought about them being like well here's your castle and some lady just bought it.

Why do men always age so much better than women.

So unfair.

We don't always usually though they do, doesn't he about the same age as Brooke Shields?

Yeah and he looks great.

What is the secret sign up now.

Um You know what?

I didn't watch the new Home Alone for that movie that we did actually watch.

It was horrible.

It was british.

Uh Well there are british characters.

It's the one drop rule.

If there's any british in it, it's totally british british british.

There's some like there's some like uh self awareness to it that like it, you know, you might like it or you might hate it I guess.

But like it's still kind of the same thing.

It's basically a cartoon.

Um It's it's just really fucking weird the reason that they're like trying to break into this kid's house.

That's well they they were saying that an adult, well cully Colton should just play the part and like do it all over again and not say anything about the age and honestly that's what they should have gone with.

We all wanted to see that version.

They need to make the one where he grows up to be the jigsaw killer.

Oh my God.

Alright.

We gotta put our kids to bed.

Well, quick last call.

Did you guys see anything else that was worth recommending as far as holiday movies?

No, I haven't really watched many.

We watched all the christmas.

Prince movies and that was it because then matt and Brittany started their jobs at amazon and that night anymore though.

I have watched other movies.

Did you watch christmas.

What was that?

There's a whole market?

Uh Hanukkah one.

It gives a veronica you didn't watch it at all.

I watched this week.

I've watched News of the World and uh finally and then I watched Kingsman again because I hadn't seen the first one in awhile.

Merry christmas.

Does that have Taron Egerton?

Does that have Taron Egerton in it?

Yeah, I like it.

I enjoy him.

He's a good other chris like Die Hard Marathon or no.

I mean we did watch Die Hard.

That's a yearly thing for us.

Um That's what I will be doing on like christmas Eve christmas time.

I have a whole list of movies I watch.

Yeah.

Including Die Hard and we're throwing Krampus for some horror fare and a few others.

I like the night before.

That's always a good one.

Mhm.

We already watched Mickey's christmas carol.

So that's checked off the list.

We love that one.

We also watched Rudolph more than once.

What?

What a what a horrible movie.

Like I can't believe that this year, the sequel, they made christmas in july and it's totally depressing.

It's all the same.

Like claymation puppets getting exploited for this like Dilapidated circus and like Frosty fucking and his family melt.

And I'm like, what the hell is that scary?

Yeah.

Like no wonder like this is never aired like the air the first like Rudolph every year.

They should stop though.

Like Rudolph is not a good message.

Your deformities are only okay if you're useful validation from others.

It has to come from within.

Yeah.

And also be a fucking dentist if you want to.

That's right.

You don't need anyone's permission to be a dentist guys right?

It doesn't matter if you are an elf or not right?

You do what you want what you're good at whatever.

Yeah.

Yeah but we had watched that already by like thanksgiving so it doesn't really count like I don't know.

I also feel like the relationship between Rudolph and Clarisse is like way out of proportion because like Rudolph sounds like an eight year old and clarice sounds like a 40 year old opera sit here like something, something's wrong there.

There's like there's like an age, an age differential that is I don't know.

It just it just made me Just six months old anyways right?

Oh anyway let's move quickly on from that.

Yes.

Oh merry christmas, everybody merry christmas Happy festivus for the rest of us and whatnot.

Okay, that was our session for today as always your holiday homework is it just bear down and find a way to enjoy the season?

The best way that you can.

The Chris's Danielle and I are wishing you all the best and hoping everyone has a great 20, Happy holidays.

Today's episode was secretly smuggled into denver Alberta by chris chris hamm chris other chris Jacobson Danielle.

Neither chris roe was edited by me Travis Row and was sponsored by creepy robot version of tim allen in the santa claus too yikes until next time.

Keep sucking reading.

Yeah, we did it.

We did it.

So go have a glass of wassail or whatever it's done for a year.

Mark it off.

I don't I don't have any shit.

I'll have to go ask all of my neighbors for some as long as you ask them in song.

I think you're covered.

Yeah.

Stand on their front porch and yell songs with them until the goddamn all right, I'm hitting stop.