**Please note: this transcript was automatically generated. We're working on going back over this to add speakers' names and clear up misspellings as we have time ... but as we all know, there is precious little of that**


Danielle: Chris Jacobsen, Did you take your smoke detector down?

Other Chris: Yeah, I did.

Danielle: That's not safe.

Other Chris: There's one in the hallway right outside.

Chris: The door that will catch it.

Other Chris: I got to clean it out or something.

Chris: So how are you going to know if you have a fire in the room with you if there's no tech to tell you?

Other Chris: Oh, man.

Other Chris: I mean, that's a question, isn't it?

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: Hello and welcome to a special holiday one shot of Rtfb.

Travis: Around here, we try to focus on the most highly regarded book to movie adaptations, but we wanted to do something to change things up for this episode, to flip the script, as the hip kids would say.

Travis: So, in the spirit of doing the opposite, Chris, other Chris, Danielle and I made up our minds to take on a Hallmark Christmas movie.

Travis: For reasons unknown to God and man, we chose to read The Mistletoe Secret by Richard Paul Evans and watch the hallmark special of The Same Name, featuring Kelly Pixler and TV s Patrick Duffy.

Travis: Usually, this is where I'd warn you about spoilers, but as I can't in good conscience recommend you actually read this, I will grant you a pass to just listen if you do want to subject yourself to the same pain we endured.

Travis: However, while the book is available basically everywhere, the movie proved to be difficult to scream.

Travis: At the time I'm recording this, the only streaming service we were able to locate that had it was Sling TV, though the Hallmark Channel will be playing it over the air on Christmas Day, and I've got to think they'll eventually post it to their streaming app afterwards.

Travis: Once you're ready.

Travis: We'll get into it straight away.

Travis: Hey.

Danielle: Who are you texting?

Chris: My best friend Alex.

Danielle: Okay.

Danielle: Hey, Alex.

Travis: Hey, best friend Alex.

Danielle: Is his last name Bartlett?

Danielle: Like the pair?

Other Chris: Oh, God, no.

Chris: Not at all.

Travis: Starting really?

Travis: Whose g****** idea was this anyway?

Danielle: Yours.

Travis: Was it bad?

Other Chris: I think it was mine.

Other Chris: I pushed hard for it.

Travis: I blame others the most.

Danielle: I just think that we just chose the wrong book.

Other Chris: We chose exactly the right book because it was awful.

Chris: Because I didn't even finish it.

Chris: I couldn't connect with it.

Other Chris: Oh, my God.

Danielle: It's because you are like a 60 year old man who was, like the author of it.

Chris: Apparently.

Travis: There was no right book to choose the same.

Travis: None of the books have been the right book.

Danielle: I don't know if it would have had a duke in it and been in, like, England in the 18 hundreds that have been all right, they say.

Chris: Silly thing.

Chris: I agree.

Travis: What it have been, though?

Danielle: I've already read two or three books about dukes and earls and stuff since then and I've already forgotten this book.

Other Chris: What if it was about a time traveling night?

Danielle: You know what, I heard that.

Danielle: That's a Netflix movie I watched.

Travis: It's a possibility.

Danielle: It has Vanessa Hutchins in it.

Danielle: Anna said it wasn't terrible.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: But Anna said it was Netflix.

Danielle: It was Netflix as opposed to Hallmark.

Chris: Yeah, netflix's quality apparently is better for their sappy Christmas to watch.

Chris: I am a fan of the Christmas print series of movies, so I enjoy those every year that got Live from a Zombie in them.

Travis: Of course.

Danielle: Did you both watch the movie?

Travis: Yes.

Chris: You kinda have endured the movie as we all well, anyway.

Travis: It'S like our holiday episode, right?

Travis: I wanted to ask everybody about some of their favorite holiday stuff.

Danielle: Okay.

Travis: We'll do like a round robin and you can tell me your favorite holiday movie.

Travis: Song and tradition.

Travis: We're going to start clockwise.

Danielle: What.

Travis: What clock are you looking at?

Travis: Clockwise.

Travis: So Daniel is first.

Danielle: What do I have to answer?

Travis: My favorite holiday movie song and tradition.

Danielle: Okay.

Danielle: My favorite holiday movie is obviously the holiday.

Travis: Okay, fair.

Travis: Which one?

Travis: Not the one Chris watched?

Danielle: The one with the one with Judah.

Danielle: Of course.

Travis: Paltra.

Danielle: Cameron Diazlet.

Danielle: Kate Winslet.

Danielle: Cameron Diaz.

Danielle: Jack Black.

Chris: I love that movie.

Chris: It's delightful.

Travis: It's pretty good.

Danielle: I always turn it on when I'm decorating for Christmas.

Danielle: I'm like, I'm just going to have this plan in the background.

Danielle: And then it takes me like 3 hours to decorate because I stop when I wash it.

Danielle: So it's tradition.

Danielle: My favorite song.

Danielle: I guess it's All I want for Christmas is you.

Danielle: It's number one now, guys, for the first time ever.

Chris: For 25 years.

Other Chris: The first time ever.

Chris: 25 years since it came out.

Chris: Yeah, it finally made it to number one.

Danielle: And she can't sing it anymore, so there's that.

Danielle: I know.

Danielle: Sad for her.

Travis: What's my tradition?

Danielle: My favorite tradition?

Travis: Yes.

Travis: Holiday tradition.

Travis: Down the hill on a shovel.

Danielle: No, I already told you that.

Danielle: I feel like my family didn't ever give me any insightful, anything.

Danielle: I feel like I missed out.

Danielle: I don't have a tradition that's my favorite.

Danielle: I'm sorry, I don't have one.

Other Chris: You make your own, right?

Chris: Exactly.

Travis: Lack of tradition is still a tradition.

Danielle: That's right.

Travis: All right, so continuing the clockwise pattern, it's Chris.

Danielle: Chris.

Danielle: Yes.

Other Chris: Oh, me.

Travis: Clockwise from my vantage point.

Travis: Yeah.

Other Chris: So it was movie first song and tradition.

Other Chris: Okay.

Other Chris: So movies die hard.

Danielle: I hear that's a Christmas movie.

Other Chris: Got to go with Diehard.

Other Chris: It is a Christmas movie.

Danielle: I've never seen it.

Chris: Yeah, you should do that this Christmas.

Other Chris: Yeah, that can be a new tradition.

Danielle: I'm not going to do that.

Danielle: But the recommendation anyway.

Other Chris: Song is probably that Paul McCartney simply having a wonderful Christmas time.

Travis: Sounds pretty good.

Danielle: Oh, that's a good thing.

Travis: I like the synthesizer on that.

Other Chris: Yeah, it's out of nowhere.

Travis: Was it Paul McCartney or Wings or.

Chris: It'S the same thing.

Other Chris: Wings is Paul McCartney.

Chris: Yeah.

Travis: Don't confident post beetles Paul McCartney.

Danielle: Okay.

Chris: Yeah, but the majority of his life, Paul McCartney.

Other Chris: Tradition.

Other Chris: Probably the Lego Winter Village.

Other Chris: I got to build some of those every year.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: Okay.

Travis: We were building the gingerbread house earlier today.

Other Chris: Yeah, I still got to do that.

Danielle: Yeah, I was in the other room.

Danielle: So I can't use that as my favorite tradition.

Chris: Lego.

Chris: Thing I know of is I keep seeing ads on my phone for the Lego Friends that they put out this year, the Central Perks.

Danielle: They're really proud of it.

Travis: Oh, the TV show friends.

Travis: Not like The Lego Show friends.

Chris: No.

Chris: You too can now have a Lego Guntheream.

Other Chris: It was 100 people wildest dream.

Other Chris: I guess that's how that works.

Chris: Intrigued about it.

Chris: I never tried to get that.

Travis: Cool.

Chris: It's my turn.

Travis: It is.

Chris: Well, for a more positive movie, I like The Night Before.

Chris: Very fun one.

Travis: I think I've seen a lot of who's right?

Chris: With Seth Rogen drinking Seth Rogen and some other people.

Chris: I only remember him because he's the Jewish guy, wears fun Jewish sweaters and ends up tripping on shrooms in church with his wife or something, which was funny.

Chris: And for a weird choice that I really like, I like Krampus.

Chris: The best Christmas horror movie has no happy ending.

Danielle: I think that will be Simon's movie when he's allowed to watch it.

Chris: Probably, yeah.

Chris: My song is Happy Hanukkah by modest yahoo.

Chris: In the last decade, my favorite tradition is traditional Jewish Christmas movie and a Chinese.

Chris: And this year my movie selection will be Star Wars.

Travis: Nice.

Chris: So that's what I like.

Chris: It's really fun.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: I was bummed out because the last few times they've done Star Wars, like on my birthday, I can go watch it, but send me the latest.

Danielle: I need to amend.

Danielle: I have a tradition now.

Travis: Okay.

Danielle: Is going to the movie theater on Christmas Day after we're done doing all the stuff you're supposed to do, then do something for fun and eat the popcorn.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: There.

Travis: There you go.

Danielle: You go.

Danielle: I have one.

Travis: Good.

Danielle: We're going to see Jumanji.

Danielle: We have tickets.

Chris: Excellent choice.

Chris: A good time.

Chris: You got to do it.

Chris: That's on my list to see.

Chris: I would like the first one.

Chris: So I'll beat this one.

Chris: A lot of movies I'm like.

Chris: Star wars.

Chris: That has to be it.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: Cool.

Travis: So for me, I don't really have a favorite holiday movie.

Travis: But I do always watch the same, like, Christmas episode of cartoons.

Travis: Like I watch the first Futurama Christmas episode every year with a robot Santa.

Other Chris: Robot.

Travis: Xmas, trees.

Chris: Perfect.

Danielle: Don't let him fool you.

Danielle: It's actually, Mickey's.

Danielle: Twice upon a Christmas.

Travis: I'm getting to it.

Chris: Including axe things too.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: You must be using an archaic form of the word.

Travis: Like when you say ask instead of axe kills me.

Danielle: It's a great episode.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: Nikki's christmas carol.

Danielle: That one's good.

Travis: Mickey's once and twice upon a Christmas.

Travis: Which is weird because it's both two D and then 3D.

Danielle: But they haven't had them on this year.

Chris: It's weird because they're on Disney Plus.

Travis: Disney plus now.

Danielle: Disney junior.

Danielle: We have to watch Vampirina instead.

Chris: Hi Kitty.

Travis: Got you.

Chris: Are you going to sit in on our session?

Chris: That's fine.

Chris: Yeah.

Chris: Now I can't see you guys.

Other Chris: Whatever.

Chris: It's the time of night for that.

Travis: That's what she does for cuddles if I sit here.

Chris: Purn gypsy.

Danielle: She's cute.

Travis: So for a son.

Travis: I think if you're talking about like an actual Christmas carol christmas Shoes.

Travis: No.

Danielle: God, no.

Travis: I'm not going to be able to come up with the name of it, but it's look it up.

Travis: Oh.

Travis: Knight divine or whatever.

Travis: If it's a really good orchestration.

Danielle: A holy night.

Travis: A holy night.

Travis: Okay.

Travis: It's really, really good.

Travis: I like that.

Danielle: Cool.

Travis: Yeah, cool.

Travis: Or more modern one is like whichever one.

Travis: They're using all of the trailers now.

Travis: It's like this Christmas will be very special.

Danielle: Christmas.

Danielle: Sure will.

Travis: I like when they used talking about shaking hands.

Travis: I don't know what that song is called, but cool, I put it on.

Chris: Good deal.

Travis: And then tradition.

Travis: Every year we go in Texas, right?

Travis: There's no snow.

Chris: Right.

Travis: So every year we go to the G****** Texan and we go to see Ice, where they do ice sculptures and stuff.

Travis: And they always do a random Christmas special like Charlie Brown Christmas or Grinch.

Travis: The Grinch.

Danielle: Or night before Christmas.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: Or Madagascar Christmas one time.

Travis: That was pretty bad.

Travis: But they like import these Chinese ice sculpture artists and pump the room for freon.

Chris: Cool.

Chris: Try to give you some cold tricks.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: It's not so much the ice sculptures, but they have a room that's ice slides that you can go down.

Travis: And that is my favorite thing.

Travis: Yeah, that was flooding as I can get.

Danielle: It's like so cold though.

Danielle: Like I don't do that.

Danielle: My bike gets cold.

Travis: Yeah.

Danielle: Even through the big heavy coat.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: Give you a parka and stuff.

Travis: But it's eight degrees in there.

Danielle: 13, I think.

Travis: 13.

Danielle: No, it's nine.

Danielle: I think it's nine.

Danielle: Okay, let's be accurate.

Travis: Okay.

Travis: The first thing they say is like, don't touch on the ice.

Travis: And the first thing anyone wants to do is go up and touch the ice.

Danielle: Everyone touches the ice.

Danielle: It's Texas.

Danielle: No one pays attention to rules.

Danielle: Just like guidelines.

Travis: All right, so once more around now your least favorites.

Travis: Go.

Danielle: My least favorite what?

Travis: Everything else, same questions but least favorite.

Chris: That's too much.

Chris: I don't want I don't know.

Danielle: My least favorite.

Travis: I don't know.

Danielle: I wish I would have had to I want to go first.

Travis: All right, well, we'll shortcut it.

Travis: Cause all I want to do is talk about this.

Travis: On Christmas shoes is my least favorite Christmas song.

Chris: Okay, that's fine.

Chris: I'll have to say this movie I just had to watch is my least favorite one.

Danielle: Yeah, me too.

Danielle: Agreed.

Travis: Fair.

Other Chris: I've seen worse movies.

Chris: Yeah, this is just my least favorite Christmasy one I've watched like in a long time.

Danielle: Hey, do either of you actually watch hallmark movies for fun.

Danielle: Is this how they all are?

Other Chris: Yes, I have watched them and they are kind of all like this.

Chris: The last one I watched was with Sharon and Chris.

Chris: We watched that Wolf Feral one they put out like five years ago.

Other Chris: Well, that was a Lifetime one.

Chris: Sorry, Lifetime.

Danielle: Will Ferrell is a movie on Lifetime.

Other Chris: Yeah, like Wolfarrell and Kristen wig.

Chris: I think that was them.

Other Chris: But the thing is, it was just a straightforward Lifetime movie.

Other Chris: Like they were just playing it completely straight.

Other Chris: It was phenomenally.

Other Chris: Intentionally hilarious, I think, but really weird.

Other Chris: One of the weirdest ideas I think anyone's ever had.

Chris: And they're usually this bad.

Chris: That's why I liked all the 20 million ads I had to watch.

Chris: Dana Keller was like, I can watch these with my family.

Chris: Like, I didn't advocate I'm like, yeah, because they're all s***.

Chris: They're not bad at all.

Chris: I mean, I didn't even get my hot spring scene, but come on.

Danielle: I'm not entirely sure that the person that made the movie actually read the book.

Chris: No, I don't think they did.

Chris: The guy was like, fine.

Other Chris: They took some things from the books of the characters and they got the name of the town and they had this idea of going on a quest to get a plant.

Travis: Yes.

Danielle: Not the right plant.

Other Chris: No, of course not.

Travis: They just switched from German to French.

Travis: They were going to go get the Mistletoes of the Atlantic.

Travis: It's very, very weird.

Travis: Like, why even call it the same thing?

Travis: I guess just because they used the character names, like everything else was completely different.

Other Chris: They paid for it.

Other Chris: Yeah, we already bought it.

Other Chris: I guess we're using it.

Other Chris: I don't know.

Chris: Although I think the town they built was the same one they ended up using in The Night Before Christmas for Netflix.

Other Chris: For the Christmas fair.

Travis: Yeah.

Other Chris: I guess they got to assembly line these things because they made like 30 of them, right?

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: Apparently the book was part of a series, like Mistletoe Diner was one because in my book, at the end, it was like, here's the winning recipe from the last book.

Danielle: Also, the myth is so in.

Danielle: And that movie was on Hallmark.

Danielle: On demand.

Danielle: I could have watched that one anytime I wanted.

Danielle: Yeah, I didn't watch it.

Travis: Kills me, too.

Travis: Is like they recycled the same actors, too, because that guy who was Alex is in every movie on witches.

Danielle: I mean, on Hallmark.

Danielle: Hallmark, yeah, they do.

Danielle: Actually, I read an MSN story the other day that popped up because the Internet overhears you and knows your life.

Danielle: And it was like, which actresses has been in the most Hallmark Christmas movies?

Danielle: And like tied for number one is like, Holly Robinson, pete, who's going to be in one tonight or tomorrow.

Danielle: And Candice Cameron.

Danielle: Bureau.

Travis: Bureau.

Chris: Oh, I'm not surprised.

Danielle: Whoever the actress was in Nicholson isn't a couple, too.

Danielle: I don't remember what her name was.

Danielle: But so, I mean, I read that story.

Travis: Well.

Danielle: Yeah, it was a slow day at work.

Other Chris: So they take, like, 20 actors, and they ship them up to Canada for, like, a winter.

Danielle: Bust out.

Danielle: 20 movies?

Other Chris: Yes.

Other Chris: And then they put them all on TV.

Other Chris: Regardless of the quality, they do it.

Danielle: Quickly, and it shows occasionally.

Travis: Point Patrick Duffy, like, you walk through the scene, go get some things to say.

Chris: All right.

Chris: Here's $50,000.

Danielle: Patrick and they're like, Listen, we've got one take for every scene.

Danielle: Like, we cannot redo it.

Travis: Should we get any broll?

Other Chris: If it's the case that they did this in one take, all of those scenes, like, I would actually have more respect for a few of these.

Other Chris: They're surprisingly solid.

Other Chris: Now, granted, some of them are truly awful.

Danielle: Some of them are, like, B list.

Danielle: Maybe not even B list.

Danielle: Like cersei list.

Danielle: Country singers, not actors.

Travis: She didn't even sing well.

Travis: No, and that's, like, her thing.

Danielle: Yeah, she hasn't been, like, doing that for a while.

Danielle: She looked kind of like Carrie Underwood with too much makeup.

Travis: Did she, though?

Chris: I will have to say, the Matt and his girlfriend and our roommate were all watching together, and he had to look her up.

Travis: Why did you find out that she.

Chris: Was younger than we are?

Danielle: She doesn't she didn't look at she was looking old.

Chris: We were like, I thought she was, like, 40.

Travis: Why would you subject other people to this irresponsible?

Danielle: And you know what?

Danielle: I think it was the makeup person's fault, because they just put too much on.

Danielle: It was, like, caked on, and so it was like, all of her creases.

Danielle: It was just poorly done.

Danielle: They needed a different makeup person.

Danielle: We'll just say that.

Chris: We all agree that okay, that was a Hallmark movie.

Danielle: We were, like, seriously angry that it was not over.

Chris: So when I watched it the last ten minutes, eight of those minutes were commercials.

Chris: 32nd jump in.

Chris: I'm like, this is ridiculous.

Other Chris: Am I the only one that thought it was fine?

Other Chris: Yes, it was fine.

Other Chris: Main guy, whoever was playing Alex, like, he was actually charming.

Danielle: I guess we decided.

Danielle: Yeah.

Danielle: He was CVS version.

Danielle: Nathan Fillion.

Danielle: Yeah, like, the great values Nathan Fillion.

Danielle: That's what he looked like.

Danielle: He was eating in every scene.

Travis: He was for sure the best part.

Other Chris: That's in his contract.

Danielle: He always had a snack.

Other Chris: Like Brad Pitt in the Oceans movies.

Other Chris: No, listen, it's just always got, like, a burger or something.

Travis: Yeah, as a Hallmark movie, it was very inoffensive, and it was fine.

Travis: Yeah, but it had nothing to do with the books that we read.

Other Chris: But it was still better.

Other Chris: The reason it was better is that they took out all of the horrible garbage from the book, all the massage.

Other Chris: What was left over was all they could use.

Other Chris: Names.

Other Chris: We have the name of the town.

Other Chris: Listen, guys, basic idea, falling in love.

Danielle: As soon as I read the Internet, as soon as I read where they're like, oh, Alex Bartlett like the pair, I'm like, this author is one a man and two must be old because there's no way a young person would.

Chris: Say that what a Bartlett pair is.

Danielle: And I was correct.

Travis: Pairs that often like the pair.

Chris: The movie had the Internet in it too.

Travis: Yes, there was an Internet connection.

Danielle: So here's what they decided.

Danielle: I've decided this is what they've decided.

Chris: You already left.

Chris: You can't come back.

Danielle: They decided that, okay.

Danielle: This book is about this guy who reads this blog.

Danielle: And he's like, oh, I really have a connection with this person.

Danielle: So I have to go find her and tell her all my feelings are like, that's not believable.

Danielle: We need to switch it.

Danielle: And the guy needs to be the one writing.

Danielle: And the girl has to be all like, oh, I love what he writes.

Other Chris: No, it isn't that.

Other Chris: It's not believable.

Other Chris: It's that it's creepy as f***.

Danielle: Yeah.

Other Chris: Imagine you are that girl.

Other Chris: You're like, writing something on the Internet.

Other Chris: And then randomly out of nowhere, some dude from across the country shows up and like, I love you.

Other Chris: You hear all of your friends around.

Other Chris: You talking about a special dude looking for you around town.

Other Chris: And he read your blog and he really likes you or something.

Other Chris: You wouldn't know the f*** out of that situation, right?

Danielle: Also, it wasn't very healthy for him to be like, I really connect with this person.

Danielle: This is beautiful.

Danielle: What she is writing is depressing.

Danielle: And someone needs to give her the suicide hotline because I'm concerned for her mental health.

Other Chris: And wellbeing, that would have been a better plot.

Other Chris: I'm really concerned about this girl.

Chris: I'm trying to find her to save her.

Other Chris: Yeah.

Other Chris: I have to give her the number to see if I know.

Danielle: He's like, man, loneliness is hot.

Danielle: We can be not lonely together.

Travis: That did come off to me as like, she's probably pretty desperate.

Travis: This is low hanging fruit in the.

Danielle: Book since she I don't know we're supposed to like but since she's writing this, like, her character was not at all like what she was writing.

Other Chris: I fully agree with that.

Danielle: I knew from the beginning it was going to be her because, of course, it was very believable.

Travis: They took their hand by having her in the first section.

Travis: I'm like, well, wonderful.

Other Chris: This isn't going to come back at all, right?

Chris: Yeah.

Chris: The minute they start describing her, I'm like, oh, that's the girl.

Chris: That's what he's looking for.

Chris: That's it.

Chris: I should talk about her.

Chris: So that's it.

Travis: I'll just have a random character for mood setting like her.

Danielle: I don't know.

Danielle: Maybe our levels of intelligence are not what normally reads these kinds of books.

Danielle: And so they have to spell it out a little more for those people so they can go back to it.

Travis: Intelligence aside, that's not what people are reading these books for.

Travis: They're not wanting to be challenged by anything.

Other Chris: No.

Danielle: Well, honestly, this book was a total let down because there was nothing interesting happening with the characters in terms of intimacy.

Chris: Right.

Danielle: It could have been much more.

Chris: It could have been a lot steamier, at least.

Travis: Like an actual man.

Other Chris: I mean, the book was a little too Mormon for you, is what you're saying.

Danielle: I'm like what even happens?

Danielle: Did anything happen with them?

Danielle: It's hard to tell.

Other Chris: There was literal steam.

Other Chris: They did go to apps.

Other Chris: It was mentioned before.

Chris: But even I read I read the plan of the Kfair book when I was like college.

Chris: Those seem sexier.

Danielle: Everything I read is like 100 times.

Other Chris: Describe that as sexy.

Chris: You're right.

Other Chris: The first one is not, but yeah.

Chris: The rest, the third one there's a lot of facts in that one.

Danielle: I don't know what you're talking about.

Travis: Clan of the cave.

Chris: It's like six books.

Danielle: Clan of the Cave bear.

Chris: They have different names after that, but it all features the same character.

Danielle: Is it about a bear?

Chris: No, it takes place back in the.

Danielle: Place that did go.

Danielle: That's a little farther back than I like to go.

Chris: She grows up with her own people, things like that.

Other Chris: This took a tangent.

Other Chris: This is a topic for a future podcast.

Chris: Actually, we could because there is a movie.

Other Chris: Yeah, we could watch that.

Chris: I was going to say 1980 star Daryl Hannah was the main character in the movie, man.

Other Chris: And I've never seen it, but I've heard it's really weird.

Travis: It is.

Chris: I used to have it on DVD because I really liked the book.

Other Chris: Yeah, I love that book.

Travis: All I know about it is the cavewoman from Chrono Trigger is named after the character in that book.

Other Chris: That's all you need to know.

Travis: That's all I know.

Danielle: I know nothing and I think I should probably keep it that way.

Danielle: Doesn't seem like my thing.

Travis: Oh, boy.

Danielle: No, I want it to be like 18 hundreds in England.

Danielle: That's really all I need.

Chris: It's still the same kind of life.

Chris: You don't have guns in 1800 instead of stone stuff.

Chris: Otherwise it's the same.

Chris: People die from disease all the time.

Chris: People get hungry.

Chris: There's rich people, there's poor people.

Danielle: Do they eat, like, 70,000 courses of food and wear all these articles of clothing?

Danielle: Because that's really what it does.

Chris: They wear lots of furs and they have to go out and kill things.

Travis: Yeah, it's the same.

Danielle: I mean, it's not quite, but oh, boy.

Travis: So do we want to at least?

Travis: I'm so torn by this because I wrote, like, eight pages of notes.

Danielle: I cannot believe how many notes you have on this.

Chris: I couldn't do it in the first five minutes and that was about it.

Travis: I could not help myself be like, sentence to sentence, this book makes no g****** sense itself.

Travis: My reading veil hate messages to women and oh, Jeez just populated with bad characters.

Danielle: Well, it's because he reads it at home and he can do that.

Danielle: I read it at the gym when I'm on the treadmill.

Danielle: I just wanted it to be done so I can move on to a real book that I enjoy.

Other Chris: Did it make you walk or run faster?

Danielle: No, it made me feel like my time was dragging.

Danielle: My God, I've only been doing this ten minutes because it wasn't a good story.

Danielle: When I read my real books that I like, I'm like, oh, my time is up.

Danielle: No, start again.

Danielle: This one I'm like, God, I want to go back to work.

Danielle: And that's really depressing.

Travis: You would rather be back at work instead of reading.

Danielle: It took me three gym days to read that book, and I was just struggling the whole time.

Danielle: I was so glad to move on.

Other Chris: Yes.

Other Chris: So, I don't know, for the benefit of our one listener, maybe we should actually go.

Chris: They know all they need to know.

Other Chris: Like half an hour of ragging, actually do something informative.

Other Chris: I don't know.

Travis: I've got at least 40 more minutes of ragging on this, but he can.

Danielle: At least do it chronologically.

Travis: Yes.

Travis: Let's walk through the book a little bit.

Travis: Like I said, we start off right away.

Travis: Meeting Aria.

Travis: So again, no question, this is the secret lady.

Danielle: I didn't like her name, and so I was kind of already out at that point.

Travis: Didn't you know that it's Italian for air?

Danielle: Oh, God, we went through with books.

Other Chris: It's also a casino.

Other Chris: They didn't talk about that.

Chris: Mormon, I guess.

Chris: I don't know.

Travis: So, wait, is this guy Mormon?

Chris: He's from Minnesota.

Travis: He at least knows them.

Chris: Well, he's not from there.

Chris: He's aware of, like all right, that's fine.

Chris: It's all snow and Mormon.

Travis: He's the king of holiday romance novels.

Danielle: You should look him up and look at his picture.

Danielle: You need to see what he looks like.

Travis: He looks exactly as you might expect.

Danielle: Yes, he looks exactly like I forgot I had to look it up.

Travis: He's the widest of guys.

Chris: It's not Brett.

Travis: So, anyway, arya, right?

Travis: Cleaning up after a wedding at a diner, which, again, I'm like, classy joint, Utah.

Travis: Yeah, well, we didn't know that yet.

Danielle: Okay.

Travis: And she's already questioning how long that marriage would last, which, again, real awesome.

Travis: If I ever made it home, would anyone care?

Travis: So, yeah, that's exactly where I started.

Travis: Like, this is a suicide case from the first page.

Danielle: She totally changes her personality through the entire rest of the book, right?

Other Chris: Yes.

Travis: I guarantee she's got black and white pictures of coffee on her Tumblr page probably for sure.

Other Chris: No, she's got serious depression, and everyone around her knows it.

Travis: Yeah, and it's cool, though.

Other Chris: Yeah.

Other Chris: Are you showing the picture?

Danielle: Yes.

Danielle: Look at him.

Danielle: He really is proud of himself.

Danielle: Oh, my god, doesn't he look exact?

Danielle: Of course he wrote this book.

Travis: Of course.

Chris: He's like a blurry mountain behind, like tall hill behind him.

Danielle: Yeah, he's got a family, too, so like, that's kind of weird that you have him.

Travis: Yeah, I like that.

Chris: Right next to the picture on my browser there's Barnes and Noble.

Chris: You can buy that book for a dollar $99.

Chris: Way too much hardcover is worth a dollar 99.

Travis: The whole book was littered with these bullshit.

Travis: Like, I'm 14 and I know deep things type quote.

Travis: Like this one I picked out, when wisdom does not require a change, it is wisdom not to change.

Danielle: Honestly, I skimmed over all of that.

Travis: Now that I know that, what do I do?

Danielle: I did not give a s*** about those blog entries.

Danielle: I'm like, Next, she wrote some stuff and he was into it and I'm not.

Danielle: We can move on.

Other Chris: I think the problem is that to write a character that's a good writer, you have to be a good writer.

Other Chris: Yeah, he wasn't, so it's just not convincing.

Other Chris: If like, a mediocre writer writes something that's supposed to be really good, it's just unbelievable.

Other Chris: It's like anytime they do a TV show where it's like, oh, this character is supposed to be a great musician or something and the music is not that good, you don't buy it.

Travis: Right.

Danielle: I'm also going to go out on a limb and tell you that he should probably just find a different genre to write for because usually men are not very good romance writers.

Danielle: Just going to go out there and tell you about sexism as a woman who reads them, it was, like, the worst.

Other Chris: Okay, I'm still a text.

Danielle: You should totally do, by the way, take a survey.

Other Chris: When we get to it, I just want to say, like, the twist that I had in mind for this book better than this guy.

Travis: I will wait.

Danielle: That I look forward to that.

Danielle: But still.

Danielle: He was focused on details that I was not interested in reading about.

Danielle: When I read the romance novel that I read written by women, the details are much more attuned to what I'm interested in.

Danielle: This guy did not mesh, and personally.

Travis: I was very attuned to details I'm interested in when I write things, which like his tricks of formatting things differently.

Travis: So he fills up more pages just to turn as an assignment.

Travis: I'll put a bullet point here and a new chapter heading so that's an extra page.

Other Chris: Does that even work?

Other Chris: Because I thought they'd do that stuff by word count.

Travis: I don't know.

Danielle: His chapters were not chapters and it.

Travis: Was obnoxious and each one had that big box.

Travis: On my version.

Danielle: It was like one gym session.

Danielle: I'm on chapter 26.

Travis: Yep.

Danielle: It's like, how many chapters are in the actual books I read?

Danielle: 26 total.

Travis: So, like, the second page, we meet Alex.

Travis: He starts in.

Travis: He's like, this is.

Travis: The story of my jump.

Travis: A time when I did one of the most bizarre things I've ever done.

Travis: Hunted down a woman I didn't know.

Travis: Like, my note was, oh, boy, here we f****** go.

Travis: Like, page two.

Danielle: Yeah.

Danielle: And I was like, oh, God.

Danielle: This is from the male's perspective.

Travis: Yeah.

Other Chris: It doesn't have to be bad.

Travis: But it was.

Travis: Sure, it could have been better, but it wasn't.

Other Chris: He's like the whole thing.

Travis: Yeah, this all happened this time last year.

Travis: So the level set.

Travis: We are only one year out from this whole event.

Other Chris: Oh, man.

Travis: And again, he's got how you know that they're meant to be from the get go.

Travis: Because, like, someone wrote said, solitude is among the greatest of all suffering.

Travis: It's true, I think.

Other Chris: I think.

Travis: And I wrote, I hate this man.

Danielle: Like a school, right?

Travis: I don't know him at all, but I hate him.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: So he lives in Daytona and he works at one of those unromantic jobs you've never heard of.

Travis: Traffic tracking software, which I'm going to go on record.

Travis: I think that's really interesting, actually.

Danielle: I know what that is.

Danielle: I don't know that any jobs are romantic in general.

Travis: One of those unromantic jobs making s***** movies.

Travis: Nothing romantic about them at all.

Other Chris: When are we going to get that Hallmark movie, right?

Other Chris: Like, two people meet on the set of a Hallmark movie.

Chris: Phenomenal.

Travis: As soon as this is released, they're going to steal that idea.

Travis: We need to write it now.

Travis: Tonight.

Other Chris: Yeah.

Chris: Quackety Clack.

Chris: It's done.

Other Chris: Best selling Christmas novel.

Travis: So he's like a salesman.

Travis: He is a salesman.

Travis: I was never quite clear.

Travis: But he has all of the money in the world, apparently.

Other Chris: It seems that way because he's got no 401K.

Other Chris: But he's not all that worried about it, right?

Danielle: He's like, she ran off on my four LM Cam.

Danielle: Like, well, what more can he possibly do than nothing?

Travis: So he has to travel a lot, which takes him away from his loving wife, Jill.

Travis: But then five years later, he decided to come back home, and Jill's just distant.

Travis: He travels with her friends a lot, and he finds this really poorly written note from a Clark in her pants, I guess, while doing laundry.

Travis: Which is no, no, I was just holding it for a friend.

Danielle: Totally.

Other Chris: Yeah.

Chris: Likely story.

Other Chris: It's totally not mine.

Travis: It's the balloons for a party.

Travis: But a week and five days after that, Jill disappears, leaving a note, being like, Alex, I can no longer be held in this cage, gilded though it may be.

Travis: Peace out.

Travis: Yes.

Travis: I took all your money.

Danielle: And he's like, this is fine.

Danielle: I've tried nothing, and I've all out of ideas.

Chris: Again.

Travis: I'm like, is this bad writing, or is she supposed to be really this stupid?

Danielle: Maybe both.

Travis: Did she hear that on some other movie somewhere?

Travis: I can't stay in this gilded cage again.

Other Chris: It's hard to tell because the rest of the writing.

Other Chris: If you had a basis of comparison, it would be really obvious.

Other Chris: Like, oh, she's supposed to be a bad writer.

Other Chris: They put, like, the spelling mistakes or whatever, the grammatical error on the other notes.

Other Chris: That's really obvious.

Other Chris: But I'm not supposed to I don't know if this was supposed to be profound or whatever she was saying.

Travis: Right.

Travis: And then shortly thereafter that, some pictures appear online with Jill and Clark.

Travis: And Clark looks like a cross between a man Drill and Tom Selic, which, you know, that puts him right in frame of mind.

Travis: Got it.

Danielle: I know what Tom Sell it looks like.

Other Chris: Yeah, exactly.

Other Chris: And Rafiki, so he has colourful cheeks.

Travis: He's always wearing athletic chaps for both parts of that description.

Travis: Assless chaps, he says really short shorts.

Other Chris: I don't know.

Travis: Yeah, the lies hurt more than her betrayal, which a that's the same thing.

Travis: The lies and the betrayal are basically the same.

Travis: So they both heard.

Travis: Thank you.

Other Chris: I don't know.

Other Chris: I feel like the 401 is probably those things.

Danielle: Right.

Other Chris: I don't know.

Travis: I would have to say the disrespect.

Travis: That's what you're disrespect.

Travis: Well, aside from the other thing.

Travis: So, you know, you start staying late at work and on Friday night before tea, gives his coworker buddy pal Nate hanging out.

Other Chris: Nate a single syllable guy.

Travis: Yeah, he's bald and he's got a fork blonde beard with many tattoos and a beautiful wife.

Travis: Was that Nate or was that Dale?

Danielle: They both did.

Travis: Both of them had really hot wives.

Other Chris: Yeah, one of them I remember they used the word a stunner.

Danielle: This is how people I think the stunner was the other guy's wife.

Travis: Dale was the funny one.

Danielle: No, there was one that they talked about.

Danielle: They talked about somebody they worked with that was not attractive at all.

Travis: We'll get there.

Danielle: Okay.

Danielle: I don't want to leave that guy out.

Danielle: His name I don't recall or care about.

Other Chris: Yes.

Travis: So another example of writing that just drives me insane.

Travis: And like, he's a former Marine, except he's quoted as saying, once a Marine, always Marine.

Travis: And then the next sentence so he left the Marines like, God d*** it.

Travis: God d*** it.

Travis: And I picture him as wearing one of those T shirts with like, you touch my daughter, I f*** you up, or whatever.

Danielle: It's okay.

Danielle: He doesn't have any kids, I don't think.

Travis: Yes.

Travis: I don't know.

Danielle: Luckily.

Danielle: How old are these people supposed to be?

Travis: I have no idea.

Danielle: Okay.

Chris: I felt like he was supposed to be like 40 and she's like 25.

Travis: Yes.

Other Chris: No, he said at one point he was like 32 or 30.

Chris: Yeah, he did.

Danielle: Alex did.

Danielle: But what about his friends?

Danielle: Are they the same age?

Travis: Hard to say.

Chris: I feel like one of them is supposed to be kind of a little bit older than him.

Danielle: You're right, though, because Alex was 32 when I read that.

Danielle: I was like, no f****** way, this guy sounds a thousand years older than me in his words and actions.

Chris: Right?

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: And it was hard to place because Nate had a cane, but I wasn't sure if that's, like, a guy cane or injury.

Danielle: He.

Travis: Goes out to drinks with Dale as well.

Travis: Were they the other sales guy?

Travis: No, they were at the Surly woman pub and cafe.

Travis: Oh, right, the surly woman.

Danielle: Again, a detail that I'm like, I'm not interested in this.

Travis: And Dale is busy talking like a pirate because he's the funny one and he is basically your parents'facebook feed.

Danielle: Yeah.

Other Chris: Why was that not in the movie?

Travis: I know.

Travis: I don't know.

Travis: He needed that talk like a pirate day.

Danielle: He only had the one friend in the movie, and it was just the dumb guy.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: They kind of roll.

Other Chris: He was barely as friends, too, right?

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: But that guy looks like a short Michael Keaton.

Travis: And I'm like, how dare you, sir?

Travis: You take Michael Keaton's name off of your book.

Danielle: Right.

Danielle: Don't talk about him.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: And at this early woman pub and.

Danielle: Cafe, in case it's daytime hours, this.

Travis: Is where we start getting into troublesome, misogyny situations, right?

Travis: Like, we got to talk about your women's troubles, bro.

Travis: It's been, like, a year, bro.

Other Chris: Man.

Travis: Come on, bro.

Travis: She was sucking the life at you.

Travis: I'm like, in what way?

Travis: Where was this established?

Travis: All we know is that he was never home and then she left him.

Other Chris: They're establishing it now, I guess.

Other Chris: Yeah, that's what they're doing.

Travis: You need to do this Internet dating thing because here's a long, boring story about this other guy whose wife quit wiping.

Travis: She stopped doing all the stuff women are supposed to do, but then he went on plenty of fish and then found, like, shakira or something.

Danielle: Right?

Danielle: There's some Spanish lady, right?

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: And she appreciated him.

Travis: She was nice.

Travis: These other f****** women.

Other Chris: Right?

Danielle: She, like, left him and just drank all the time.

Danielle: Right?

Danielle: Is that what happened to the end?

Danielle: That lady left him and just was drinking all the time?

Danielle: Left him with the children.

Danielle: Do they have children?

Danielle: I might be making that up again.

Danielle: It was not that memorable.

Travis: It literally doesn't matter.

Travis: So Alex decides to try out this whole e dating thing, but I do not give a s*** about this.

Travis: And just click B or whatever through eight pages.

Travis: It's like me when I took the as bad test.

Other Chris: Why did they spend so long describing the intricate process of filling out a dating profile?

Danielle: I'm pretty sure it's not even that detailed.

Danielle: Like, if you were to go on door, you answer, like, two questions and put pictures.

Other Chris: Yeah, it really depends on the thing, I think.

Other Chris: But I really didn't need to read all that.

Danielle: No.

Other Chris: And again, you were wise not to.

Danielle: Yeah, I was.

Travis: Like, the formatting of these questions is doing a lot of filibuster in here.

Other Chris: Got to fill those 50,000 words or whatever, right?

Travis: And he asked himself, who would really choose to admit to being bossing on a dating profile?

Other Chris: Many people.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: See the Internet for subdomb relationships, and you're about to learn.

Travis: Open your eyes.

Travis: So hold a world, my friend.

Danielle: He should have just, like, gotten into p***, probably.

Other Chris: I mean, that would have been a better book.

Other Chris: Like, depressed guy, just watches a lot.

Danielle: Of fun.

Other Chris: And then his friends get really concerned.

Chris: Right?

Travis: You're spending all these money on these live cams.

Travis: They don't love you.

Other Chris: And then they can make that into a Hallmark movie, a very special Christmas.

Travis: Hallmark movie, except they'll change it and just put Patrick Duffy in there.

Danielle: Yes.

Danielle: It all rolls Patrick Duffy.

Travis: Yeah.

Danielle: I wish we could have watched Step by Step instead.

Travis: I would have rather read a novelization.

Danielle: It ever decide.

Danielle: They kept previewing other Hallmark movies that were going to premiere, and a lot of people that were on TGIF, they're in these Hallmark movies now.

Danielle: This is what they've done with their lives.

Chris: Well, you know, not everyone can be a star.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: So yeah, after he's done, like, half assing his way through a dating profile, he didn't even finish it all onto a blog.

Travis: After Googling Lonely, he must have skipped a lot of p*** to get there.

Danielle: Why does Google lonely?

Travis: Lonely?

Travis: I don't know why.

Travis: He just did.

Danielle: It's just the dumbest thing.

Danielle: It's so unbelievable.

Travis: So that's how he finds L-B-H and she's got oh, my God, so many deep thoughts.

Travis: Just a beautiful soul.

Danielle: How did you know it was a woman?

Travis: There was a silhouette picture.

Danielle: Oh, that's right.

Travis: Back up picture.

Travis: Which no one can lie on the Internet or use someone else's picture of Silver.

Chris: Right.

Chris: That doesn't happen.

Other Chris: That also would have been a better book.

Travis: Yeah, I would have loved to find out.

Travis: I was like a dog at the end.

Chris: No, it turns out he's still in love with his catfisher.

Chris: Like, Well, Steve, I guess you're the one for me.

Travis: Yeah, it's something I kept coming back to reading it.

Travis: I'm like, since the Internet is involved here, I would have rather it turned out to be like, I don't know, the old grand granny or like, the actual first guy he meets.

Travis: Like, oh, yeah, I pose as a 20 year old woman to get guys interested, and then we hang out and watch hockey and eat hot wings.

Travis: It's amazing.

Danielle: Honestly, it seems like it should have just been Ray because he was just always talking to him all the time.

Danielle: He didn't have anyone to talk to.

Danielle: It should have been Ray.

Travis: It could have been Ray.

Travis: All worth it.

Travis: But yeah, deep thoughts.

Travis: Like, if you blog and no one reads it, did you make a sound?

Danielle: No, because you're blogged.

Travis: I think if you blog and no one reads it, you're 98% of bloggers.

Chris: Yeah, right.

Other Chris: You're this podcast.

Travis: Exactly.

Travis: No one reads this podcast, though.

Chris: Yes, we have 67 followers, remember?

Other Chris: I don't know what that means.

Travis: So I like to even get some immediate matches on Plenty of Fish or whatever, but EW, they're all ugly.

Chris: That's what you get with Plenty of Fish.

Chris: Crazy people or whatever.

Danielle: I think you know personally, Travis.

Travis: Yeah, I do.

Other Chris: I mean, you to have just wait long enough for your standards to be lower.

Chris: Right.

Other Chris: That's what it is.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: So quick aside for story time, okay.

Travis: I have to level set this, though.

Travis: I got on Gmail back in the day, so I have a six character Gmail account.

Travis: So because of that, a lot of people type their email address in wrong.

Travis: I get a lot of random people's email.

Danielle: He sure does.

Travis: Including a guy who's subscribed to some surf shop in Australia and some lady who I always get her statement each month.

Danielle: Oh, we got somebody's.

Danielle: Medieval Times.

Travis: Yes.

Danielle: Confirmation in Georgia.

Travis: I should change the time and put it in my name and go, I.

Other Chris: Can go to Medieval Man.

Travis: And one of the people likes to sign up for dating sites like including, like, Chubby, Friend, Finder, and Plenty of Fish.

Travis: So one day I got a notice from Plenty of Fish.

Travis: I was like, I wonder if I go in and change his password, if I could look around on it.

Travis: Do the forgot password thing.

Other Chris: Oh, man.

Travis: And then Danielle and I were looking through his matches and clicking yes on all of that.

Danielle: We were clicking yes on the worst possible one because we thought it was funny, but we didn't think of the implications because it's attached to his email.

Travis: Yeah, the thing I forgot about is it's attached to my email, not his.

Travis: And Google Hangouts is a thing, so a lot of lonely women started texting me directly on my phone through Google Hangouts.

Danielle: I thought it was hilarious.

Travis: And they still do that.

Travis: Leave it alone, Delete.

Travis: Hangouts off my phone because we're all in.

Danielle: It was, like, the best thing.

Danielle: Yeah, we did it together.

Danielle: And then he's like, oh, God, this person has tried the message to be like, oh, you should talk to her.

Danielle: And he's like, Where are you?

Travis: Anytime.

Travis: I got into my email after that to be like, hey, baby, I forgot to sign out.

Travis: I was hanging out.

Travis: Anyway, my advice is don't do that.

Danielle: Yeah.

Other Chris: I agree with that.

Travis: So Alex is like, EW, uggos on my matches.

Travis: And he even finds his ex.

Travis: So that relationship with Mandrill Seleak didn't last very long, apparently.

Danielle: Also, apparently he didn't have a stunner if she was a match with him, and he was only getting ugos.

Travis: Take that, Jill.

Danielle: Yeah, Jill.

Travis: He's like, I'm going back to LBH.

Travis: And let me read about this beautiful statement.

Travis: When you're lonely, even your body doesn't want to be around you.

Travis: So beautiful.

Travis: Her soul.

Danielle: It's such a beautiful soul.

Danielle: No, she really needs some mental health.

Travis: Also, she has posted, like, four times in one and a half days.

Travis: So this lady has a lot of random things to say to the universe.

Danielle: Which also didn't seem to match up because she was always working.

Travis: Yeah, no.

Danielle: Yeah, she was always at work.

Travis: No, you don't know that yet.

Travis: That's not true.

Danielle: Until later.

Danielle: It doesn't add up.

Danielle: He didn't fact check himself.

Travis: Well, she's microblogging on her phone on smoke Breaks.

Travis: It's specifically only about loneliness.

Travis: And she's got, like, 19 posts about it.

Danielle: She needs a different hobby.

Travis: Yeah, but she mentions, like, the guy who brings the eighta wise being like, the guy he's like, was I the kind of man who would bring eight?

Travis: A wife?

Travis: I hope so.

Other Chris: I guess you can decide to be that, right?

Other Chris: Like, you can make that decision.

Travis: You really can.

Danielle: Where do you get a wife?

Travis: Apparently up the mountain, according to the story.

Other Chris: Yeah, it's like, up there or just from a store or something.

Danielle: One in 100 flowers, probably just send it to us.

Danielle: Going to order it if you deliver it in Midway, Utah.

Other Chris: Yeah.

Other Chris: I'm not the kind of guy that goes and gets it.

Other Chris: I'm the kind of guy that orders it.

Travis: I have prime, though, so it'll get here quick.

Other Chris: A man of means, right?

Chris: Indeed.

Travis: So they go to T, gives dinner, and that's again where we meet everyone's.

Travis: Hot wife.

Travis: Yeah, yeah.

Travis: And Nate says he bet $100 that Alex would marry someone he met online, and Dale gave him ten to one odds.

Travis: I'm like, Dale, don't you know you're in a Hallmark movie?

Travis: You're making a mistake, friend.

Danielle: Famine.

Travis: And then Nate's wife tells this long horror story about internet dating and how terrible it is, including a time they had to break into a lens crafters and then got caught by the police with her date b*** naked.

Travis: And when I wrote that from my transcribed that from my notes, like, did somebody find my notes laying around and just make that up?

Danielle: No, that was Danielle.

Travis: Found it.

Travis: See if he writes this down.

Travis: Like, this actually was in the book, but no, that was in the f****** book.

Travis: Breaking into a lens crafters.

Danielle: Yeah, he was going to get her a discount, right.

Danielle: But he didn't actually, like, work there.

Travis: So romantic.

Danielle: Yeah.

Other Chris: What a cool dude.

Chris: Yeah.

Danielle: Helping you with my vision impairment.

Other Chris: Thoughtful.

Travis: Then Nate's wife also thinks internet stalking is pretty creepy.

Travis: And so say we all.

Chris: Yeah, say we all.

Other Chris: Absolutely.

Travis: Speaking of creepy, then the next post mentions Swiss days.

Travis: And he for chance that s*** to be like, okay, Swiss days.

Travis: Who had Swiss days?

Travis: Sort of around this post.

Travis: And where would that be?

Travis: And where would there be snow and s***?

Travis: Okay, Utah.

Travis: I'm off.

Danielle: I'm off forever.

Travis: I'm off.

Danielle: I'm off.

Danielle: For how many weeks?

Danielle: What is your job?

Travis: So no sales happened after the holidays?

Danielle: So you just could take, like, three weeks off.

Danielle: Like, I wish I could do that, apparently.

Danielle: Unbelievable job.

Travis: He wouldn't be missed too much or something.

Danielle: Oh, my God.

Other Chris: Or something.

Travis: Yeah.

Chris: Well, he can just do his sales from his hotel room.

Other Chris: Yeah.

Travis: Surely they have traffic in midway.

Travis: No, they don't appear.

Travis: Yeah, but before he goes, the boys try to dissuade him and they're like, hey, you know what?

Travis: It might be a boy.

Other Chris: Yeah, that's what they try to tell him.

Chris: They're already like, you need to get on this and do all the dating.

Travis: Yeah.

Danielle: And they're like, oh, don't wait for something.

Travis: What if it is a boy?

Travis: And what if I love him more than anyone I've ever known because of his beautiful soul?

Danielle: Right.

Chris: Exactly.

Travis: Don't be so close minded, guys.

Danielle: Maybe that's why it's a better book.

Travis: Way better book.

Travis: But they're like, yeah, it's a really stupid idea.

Travis: And again, so say we all.

Other Chris: Yes.

Travis: He goes to Utah anyway, drives out to the Blue Boar Inn, which was formerly known as the Hunkeleberry Inn, which I guess we need to know that we did not.

Travis: And he stays in the Shakespeare room, and then he eats a meal.

Travis: And, boy, is it good.

Danielle: Oh, man, he eats all this manly s***.

Other Chris: That this book was like, really?

Other Chris: A travel brochure?

Travis: Yeah.

Other Chris: I wonder if these places are real.

Chris: Well, we know Park City is or whatever it's called.

Danielle: So this is how you can tell it's a man, because he put more details into, like, the food that he ate than the actual feelings and emotions these two people were feeling together.

Travis: True.

Travis: He is a man, so he doesn't have feelings or emotions.

Danielle: That's right.

Travis: You can focus on and the history of a made up in and a lot of times potentially made up in.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: You know what?

Travis: You might have just cracked the code between why the movie was the way it is.

Travis: Maybe he's like, well, I don't know if you don't want to use my story.

Travis: It's like, I actually did visit this place.

Travis: I just wrote it because of that.

Travis: So I don't know, make it a.

Other Chris: Travel plug or, you know, he got paid.

Other Chris: Either way.

Travis: Yeah, do what you want.

Travis: They meet the German innkeeper, Ray Hare or whatever, and they talk about the winter Olympics and s***.

Danielle: I could not get through any of his conversations with Ray.

Danielle: They were so boring.

Travis: Ray, all of them.

Danielle: I think we just had two kind of boring men chat.

Danielle: No one was interested.

Travis: They had man talks.

Chris: Yeah, no doubt.

Travis: Next day, he heads out to city hall and just asks the first random lady he meets like, hey, I want to find a woman.

Travis: Can you help out?

Danielle: I know nothing about it.

Travis: That lady is actually the mayor, and she's like, you should go to city records.

Travis: Also, can I take your picture just in case?

Danielle: No, she just did it.

Danielle: Yeah, the mayor was awesome.

Other Chris: Yeah, the mayor was awesome.

Danielle: She called him Mr.

Danielle: Pear.

Travis: I missed that.

Danielle: She sure did, though.

Danielle: See you later, Mr.

Danielle: Pair.

Travis: The city recorder doesn't help him either.

Travis: So he just like, I don't know, gets a phone book.

Travis: It's like, well, who's got these initials?

Danielle: Why do we have to go through 50 pages?

Danielle: And then he's like, here's a phone.

Other Chris: Book, instead of who's in the phone book anymore?

Danielle: This is midway.

Danielle: Also, this guy's old that's writing it, so it's his demographic.

Danielle: He's also using, like, a map.

Travis: Steve Martin is in the phone book because he's somebody.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: And somewhere around here someone made a note that LBH.

Travis: Is like internet slang for let's be honest.

Travis: Yeah, that might not be a name.

Travis: And I'm like, I love it when a book gives away its twist.

Danielle: That was Nate, of course.

Travis: Right away.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: So then he does the only logical thing he can, just starts going around knocking on doors.

Danielle: Because that's what normal people do.

Chris: Totally get worse.

Danielle: All these dumbasses invite him in like, what, have dinner with him?

Danielle: I'm like, what is wrong?

Chris: Everyone is they're just being friendly.

Chris: Come on.

Chris: No, clearly when he's telling her he's looking for someone, it's fine.

Danielle: Bad life choice all around.

Chris: He's totally safe.

Chris: You don't have to worry about him, especially he pretends to be a plumber.

Danielle: Oh, my God.

Travis: I liked all these little vignettes where he's just like, are you a candle, bro?

Danielle: Yeah.

Travis: I like the guy who's like, oh, well, I'm not a lady, but you want to watch hockey or something?

Danielle: You want to come over on some brats?

Travis: On some brats.

Travis: Or the lady who's like, oh, good, you're the plumber.

Travis: So he fakes it, really just needs.

Chris: Some guy time, still takes a check.

Travis: From her and then passes the real plumber who is for sure going to charge her again just for coming out.

Travis: I'm like, come on, guy.

Danielle: It was only $10 for him, but.

Travis: He'S going to shut to pay him again.

Travis: And then the old lady chats his ear off and he's like, well, this can't be LB.

Travis: Eight.

Travis: She's old.

Chris: Right?

Danielle: He's right.

Danielle: I'm sure she didn't even know what the Internet was.

Travis: She could have dictated it.

Danielle: Yeah.

Chris: What is the Internet?

Travis: You can't Google.

Other Chris: My grandparents are on the Internet.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: Seriously?

Danielle: They don't do it well, though, right?

Travis: You don't know his grandparents.

Other Chris: They do.

Danielle: That's unusual.

Danielle: So good for them.

Travis: Yeah.

Other Chris: So we stopped saying it's not outside the realm of possibility.

Danielle: My friend's grandma is like a big fan of mine, like my children, and she's like 80, I think.

Danielle: And the other day she shared like 1500 of my pictures, and so I.

Travis: Don'T think she's an exaggeration.

Danielle: She like, shared it.

Danielle: Like, what has happened here?

Danielle: So, like, that's what I'm speaking of.

Travis: I see.

Danielle: Yeah.

Travis: So after a day of not finding his lady, of the Internet stops the Mistletoe diner and meets Aria.

Travis: And they have the worst flirting on record.

Travis: Yep.

Other Chris: Oh, man.

Danielle: It's pretty bad.

Other Chris: Oh, man.

Travis: Yeah.

Other Chris: I don't understand.

Other Chris: What about this dude is appealing.

Travis: He was like an eight out of ten.

Travis: Don't you remember his boyfriend?

Travis: Like, you are hot, dude.

Other Chris: Why?

Other Chris: Was like, oh, man.

Danielle: Small township, that's all she had.

Other Chris: Just in what world, though?

Other Chris: Hitting on someone at work?

Other Chris: What the h***?

Danielle: I don't know.

Danielle: But in movie, flirting was equally as terrible.

Travis: I loved his moment of clarity.

Travis: He's like, she's been glancing over here a lot.

Travis: It's probably checking to see if I can get a drink refill or something.

Travis: Okay.

Travis: Probably just doing her job as a waitress.

Danielle: Probably she just left it at that and straight on.

Travis: Yeah.

Other Chris: End of book.

Travis: Yes, I stayed friends with the old lady and I joined.

Danielle: I never found anyone else.

Chris: Right.

Chris: I found a true family at last.

Chris: Yeah, I'm still looking for LBH.

Chris: One day I'll find her, or none, it doesn't matter.

Chris: But until then, I know the meaning of life.

Chris: I don't know.

Chris: I know the meaning of happiness.

Chris: A quiet town in the Utah mountains.

Chris: Good friends.

Travis: So often when I'm reading books, I'm thinking that I'm very smart.

Travis: And then I find out I'm a page smarter than the book.

Travis: For instance, she had a ring on in the scene.

Travis: I'm like, okay, I called it.

Travis: Now she's keeping Randos from hitting on her.

Travis: Like this guy the next page.

Travis: Yeah, that's just trucker repellent.

Travis: I still count it.

Danielle: But just also, maybe she just was like, I'm still just not over my husband leaving me.

Danielle: I have to still wear my riding ring.

Danielle: Like, she would admit that, but she seems like maybe that could have been the case too.

Danielle: I like to pretend that was the case because I didn't like her character.

Other Chris: Well, I mean, that's also more clever than what happened.

Other Chris: Again, points against the author.

Travis: So he's talking to Ray again, and I just made a note because he's talking about some Polish women in general.

Travis: Like, he's really into Polish women.

Travis: I'm like, wait, so Ray was German and he's just really fond of.

Other Chris: Appropriate.

Travis: Anyway, back to the trail of creepiness.

Travis: So he meets the one person who actually just got cremated the other day.

Danielle: Oh, my God.

Travis: And so Ray knows everyone in town, but I guess forgot that one of the LBHS.

Travis: Was f****** dead.

Chris: Yeah, she was dead for like two weeks, I guess.

Travis: And then the one lady who correctly IDs him as a liar and then sprays him with mace.

Travis: That lady.

Chris: She was supposed to be the crazy lady, though.

Other Chris: That should have been all of it.

Chris: She's the weird one.

Chris: Oh, look at her.

Danielle: Yes, I liked the one that I don't know if she was in or not, but she was like a drug addict or something.

Danielle: But then he got to pet a dog.

Danielle: Because in every Hallmark movie, there's a dog, and I was getting concerned because there was no dog, and then there was a dog.

Travis: I totally forgot about that generator thing.

Danielle: She fed the dog twice, and then he left, and he shut the gate.

Other Chris: And didn't do anything.

Chris: Right.

Travis: So back to the place, back to the Miscellan Diner for that chicken pot pie they heard was so good.

Travis: And I really identified with Alex because he's like, this is flirting.

Travis: Right?

Travis: Like, I always prided myself on being able to read women, but I felt illiterate.

Travis: I'm like, I'm right with you, buddy.

Danielle: This is why.

Travis: Who knows what women could possibly be like?

Danielle: This is a man writing a romance novel.

Travis: Yes.

Danielle: A woman knows how to do it.

Travis: But I crossed in for at least considering that she might just be doing her job, like, pretending to be interested, because that's what you have to do.

Other Chris: Right.

Travis: And to make a random date, though, to go to the ice Castle, which is weird.

Other Chris: That is super weird.

Other Chris: Again, hitting on someone at work.

Travis: Yes.

Travis: But she's into it.

Travis: She's like, all right.

Danielle: She's like, Listen, this is a small town, and I've already done everyone else here, so he's my only option right now.

Other Chris: But why would she possibly be into it?

Other Chris: That's what I don't think that bothers me the most about this.

Danielle: She's lonely.

Travis: He's an eight out of ten in Dayton, Florida.

Travis: Can you imagine what that is?

Travis: In Midway, Utah?

Other Chris: But she's like, obligate Gale.

Chris: Right?

Other Chris: Okay, so again, back to this whole character thing.

Other Chris: She is lonely.

Other Chris: She's depressed.

Other Chris: Where is that?

Danielle: Nowhere.

Other Chris: Where did it go?

Danielle: It's so that we don't know.

Other Chris: But we know she turns into this manic, pixie girl whose job is to show him around town.

Travis: Yes.

Danielle: They have a great time, and she's very cheerful and happy.

Other Chris: It also lends credence to this idea that this book is a travelog.

Other Chris: Let's convince people to go to Midway, Utah.

Travis: Right?

Other Chris: Look at all the cool stuff we have.

Other Chris: There's a hot spring, but a guy might shoot you.

Travis: It would have been way better to find out that LBH was somebody different.

Other Chris: Yeah.

Travis: The character inconsistencies were not an issue anymore.

Danielle: Right?

Other Chris: Okay, again, I'll get to my preferred twist at the end of this.

Travis: All right.

Chris: What the truth?

Travis: So the Ice Castle, right?

Travis: So they sneak in the back door.

Travis: I'm like, Watch out, Alex.

Travis: This lady's a freak.

Travis: She knows everybody.

Travis: And they're like, mmhmm.

Danielle: They turn the lights on.

Travis: There you go.

Travis: Yep.

Danielle: They can't get out.

Travis: And he was talking beautiful.

Travis: He's like, wow, it's beautiful.

Travis: But now as beautiful as Ari.

Travis: I wrote a new line for there was like, I wanted to f*** Ari way more than that ice Castle.

Travis: And they head back to the hotel for hot chocolate and nomadic determinism, and they make the note that there's a boar statue there that they used in.

Travis: The Harry Potter movie.

Travis: And in Hannibal.

Travis: Whoa.

Danielle: Timeout for learning.

Travis: This is why we tried this book.

Danielle: Time out for Learning.

Travis: Hannibal Lecter and Harry Potter.

Travis: Then she tells the tale of Wade, the ex husband who had a coffee shop.

Other Chris: She's a single syllable dude has a.

Travis: Coffee shop, but Utah has Mormons.

Travis: So that didn't work.

Travis: They mentioned there's like, no Starbucks in Utah as Mormons, right?

Chris: Well, there's like two in Salt Lake City.

Travis: There's fewer.

Chris: It's a lot of diversity in the main city of Utah.

Travis: So that didn't work out.

Travis: He's like, I know snowmobile rental place.

Travis: I just need $100,000.

Danielle: And she's like, I'll sign for this loan.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: And then Prince from Nigeria is like, I will help you get this money.

Travis: Basically, I take out a loan and she signs for it.

Travis: And then he disappears.

Travis: So she has all the debt.

Danielle: She's got all the debt.

Danielle: And she's like, what else could I do?

Danielle: But nothing.

Danielle: Again, all out of place.

Chris: She has no solutions, remember?

Travis: Right?

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: So yes.

Travis: Then we get some f****** hot Bible camp hand holding.

Other Chris: Oh my god, yeah, this is so great.

Travis: But then after that, he's like, this is pretty cool, but I'm worried about my search.

Danielle: Yeah.

Travis: Just like when I travel, if my bag doesn't come out before the last ten or so, it's probably not going to come out at all.

Travis: I'm like, you've learned how chance and percentages work, my friend.

Travis: As your options dwindle, your chances get less good thinking.

Other Chris: Or they're equally the same with it.

Chris: Your bag doesn't get.

Other Chris: There could be any position among all of them equally.

Chris: I had to deal with that s*** in another country where they didn't speak the same language.

Chris: Fine, it works out.

Travis: If I haven't won the lottery before I stop trying, chances are I won't win the lottery.

Danielle: He means they have a better outlook on life.

Danielle: He mean this lady are perfect for each other.

Danielle: Some negative attitudes.

Travis: Yes.

Other Chris: Then they are the blog writer, not this lady, right?

Travis: Not fun.

Travis: Ari difference who knows everyone and loves fun, right?

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: Speaking of fun, to go on a secret bathing suit adventure in the freezing temperature.

Danielle: He forgot a towel though, right?

Chris: He thought they were going somewhere that had them jokes on him.

Travis: Supplied towels when they arrived.

Travis: There was a line that the way she looked.

Travis: I would have eaten.

Travis: I was like and he's like, through a fence.

Other Chris: Like, oh, wait, what?

Other Chris: Was there a page break in there?

Other Chris: Because that would have been fan.

Danielle: Yeah, this is romance.

Travis: So they take a time out for the Hot Springs episode.

Travis: I'm like, there's probably some good fan service ahead, but no.

Travis: Cal shows up pointing a gun at Alex.

Danielle: She's like, he's fine.

Travis: And he's like, okay, single syllable guy.

Travis: Also, I noted that people are probably f****** amazing at treading water in this Warm Springs.

Travis: Certainly just kind of treading water and making out and almost getting shot.

Travis: And fine, so Sweet snoozes back to her place for details about her f****** crazy mom who was schizophrenic and made her lie about her dad abusing her.

Travis: Plus, all the laws in this country are against the dads, and, I mean, surely the lies have nothing to do with that.

Travis: Also, my first boyfriend was 17 when I was 14, and I married my first husband at 18 and for, like, six months.

Travis: And now I'm a spinster, and I'm, like, 20.

Chris: I thought it was six years.

Travis: Was it?

Chris: I thought that's what I read.

Chris: I could be wrong.

Danielle: That she was married for six years six years ago.

Travis: That they got divorced.

Danielle: She might have been 26.

Travis: Yes.

Travis: I don't know.

Danielle: What honestly, it doesn't matter.

Chris: It doesn't matter.

Travis: Our second date is a great time to unload all this s*** on you.

Danielle: There's a lot of stuff going on in my family, but please be with me.

Travis: Hey, they got hot springs together.

Chris: They're clearly in it in the long run.

Travis: It wasn't a hot springs.

Travis: It was a warm springs.

Travis: There's a different, apparently.

Travis: Thanks.

Travis: Look.

Travis: So more sweet.

Travis: Sweet smooches, though.

Travis: It's crazy, but I'm looking for this LBH.

Travis: Lady, and I was like, yeah, tell me more.

Travis: Interesting.

Danielle: In her mind, she's like, okay, crazy.

Travis: I need to get this man out of my house as soon as possible.

Travis: My life has been nothing but tragedy thus far with men.

Chris: Just why not this one?

Other Chris: Yeah.

Travis: If I haven't been murdered by a random guy on the Internet yet, chances are I'm going to be very shortly.

Danielle: Right.

Travis: So anyway, Ray, turns out that the fact there is another LBH.

Travis: Because she's a guest player from out of town, but sometimes she's in town.

Danielle: But he forgot about her until now.

Danielle: He's like, go get a massage.

Travis: She goes and gets a non happy ending massage.

Other Chris: Yeah.

Other Chris: And once again hits on a lady at work.

Danielle: Yeah.

Danielle: And you know what?

Danielle: There was way too much talking during this massage.

Danielle: This was so unbelievable.

Danielle: Wouldn't talk that much.

Travis: I've never had a massage where I felt, like, comfortable in the least, let alone wanted to talk to them.

Danielle: And he took off everything he said stripped down to your comfort level.

Travis: So he's probably used to these kind of massage parlors.

Travis: He traveled a lot.

Travis: Great.

Danielle: I'll make you an appointment.

Travis: Wink with Lynette.

Travis: And he's like, all right, how about a date?

Travis: So he's like, I'm already sort of cheating on this lady I met and had sweet smooches with.

Travis: And they drive up to salt Lake City, but he was supposed to be.

Danielle: Cutting down a treat with her.

Travis: Well, he decided to change plans, but his phone is dead, so he can't really say.

Travis: And there are no other phones in the world, so he couldn't possibly call.

Danielle: Her or go by the night that was right down the street or, like.

Travis: Have race under a note or something anymore.

Travis: You don't have your own sent to a raven.

Chris: He received a raven.

Travis: They have a pleasant shopping time of where he's just like, I'm going to randomly buy this one $200 necklace from Tiffany.

Danielle: Yeah, that's fine.

Chris: Which, again, guys, that's totally affordable.

Other Chris: It's got no, like, big mistake.

Travis: Because you know women, right?

Travis: They see that blue bag and they're like, clearly.

Chris: Yes, that's totally fine.

Travis: The one thing I value as a woman is Jules.

Chris: Not weird at all.

Travis: So, like, it's a noble star pendant or something.

Travis: All right.

Danielle: I don't remember.

Danielle: It was sounded down.

Other Chris: Sure.

Travis: He comes back, his phone's charged, and he has all the messages from Aria.

Travis: And she's like, I'll leave you alone forever now.

Danielle: Yeah.

Other Chris: He's like, okay, that sounds more like it.

Other Chris: Yeah, that sounds more like a lonely person validation.

Chris: Yeah, I didn't hear from you.

Chris: Therefore the world is ending.

Travis: All right, dude, I got the advice for you.

Travis: It's time to seal the deal.

Travis: Goes to dinner with new LBH.

Travis: He's like, here you go.

Travis: Here's the eight of us in the Tiffany bag.

Travis: From the Tiffany bag.

Travis: She's like, wait a minute.

Travis: What the h*** is that?

Travis: This isn't my LBH.

Travis: I'm in a terrible mistake.

Danielle: He's been hacked.

Travis: Rushes off, rushes off to the diner.

Travis: And then arrived friends whose name I didn't write down is like, listen to you, m***********.

Danielle: Yeah.

Travis: Going to f****** shut your nuts off.

Chris: Thou art a b****.

Chris: Thou hast hurt my friend.

Chris: Thou must suffer a thousand cups now.

Danielle: Yes, that would be great.

Travis: And slaps him in the face of it.

Other Chris: Yes, perfect.

Travis: But he's like, oh, no.

Travis: So he rushes back to Arya's place and doesn't quite say anything to her, but they apologize.

Travis: She's like, let's cut down a tree.

Travis: Get a f****** permit, right?

Travis: She goes back to move him from the Shakespeare room to the Jane Austen room.

Travis: And then the author gave himself a b****** because he's so f****** smart.

Travis: Look at this great metaphor I came up with.

Travis: Life isn't a tragedy anymore.

Travis: Now it's romance.

Chris: Yeah.

Travis: So they go tree cutting.

Travis: I know.

Travis: He made a joke.

Travis: He's like, I think Valerie is going to poison my food.

Travis: I'm like, is that a good idea?

Travis: Didn't Arya just tell him that his mom or her mom made that kind of a story up about her food being poisoned?

Other Chris: Right?

Other Chris: Yeah.

Travis: And this tree cutting is like a thinly veiled metaphor for sex.

Travis: This is the closest we got to, like, penetrative sex in this book.

Travis: He's like, he saw it and saw it and saw it and re clapped when his wood finally fell and he dragged 100 yard furrow into virgin snow.

Travis: I'm like, sounds like it was awesome.

Other Chris: Wow.

Other Chris: You know, I didn't put that together.

Other Chris: I have, like, a really damaged mind.

Danielle: Just really passionate about cutting trees down.

Travis: Remember Mormon?

Danielle: Gross.

Travis: It's like, what's that mistletoe for?

Travis: It's like the secret.

Travis: It's a mistletoe secret.

Danielle: And that was a title they said.

Travis: The thing the note I had here was like, I have taken too many notes about this stupid, s***** book.

Chris: Yes, you did.

Chris: I'm sorry.

Danielle: But you said we've been talking a long time.

Danielle: We're not done.

Danielle: No, it's almost like the movie.

Danielle: I'm angry that we're still not done.

Other Chris: So anyway, still so much to say, though.

Chris: Less than half an hour.

Travis: Then they cut you like, what should we do tomorrow?

Travis: And he's like, More of this.

Travis: And she rolls off him like, hey.

Travis: Did they f***?

Danielle: Yeah.

Danielle: I don't know.

Travis: Jump cut.

Other Chris: They definitely didn't.

Chris: Yeah, we did pick, like, the crappiest romance.

Travis: It was on top of the pants touching.

Chris: There was like no explicit side.

Travis: Heavy petting.

Other Chris: There weren't even tongues.

Travis: No, maybe not even heavy petting.

Danielle: No, it was bad.

Travis: He's like, so anyway, about this at a wise, she's like, oh, well, actually, I was LBH lonely, broken heart.

Travis: And he flipped the f*** out.

Danielle: And he's like, how dare you lie to me.

Danielle: I'm a f****** creepy a** stalker that came here to try and find a lady.

Travis: How dare you run the Internet?

Danielle: But how dare you?

Other Chris: That reaction was totally unjustified.

Danielle: Totally.

Other Chris: What the h***?

Danielle: And she's like, you know what, and get out of here.

Danielle: You're crazy like your mother or something.

Travis: No, he said just like when you lied about your father.

Travis: By the way, that has never been the right thing to say ever in the history of ever to anyone.

Travis: You're just like your mother.

Other Chris: If the author had done more to actually establish that this guy is hurt by lying I don't know, maybe having someone lie to him earlier in the book and have a f*** out about it, yeah, maybe this would make sense.

Other Chris: But no, it's just out of f****** nowhere.

Danielle: It's like a bike baggler.

Other Chris: It's not even that.

Other Chris: He's, like, momentarily completely insane.

Other Chris: He's been insane from the very different way, right?

Other Chris: I don't know.

Other Chris: Anyway, it didn't make any sense.

Travis: He's like, now I knew why suicides go up during the holidays.

Travis: Like, Jesus f****** Christ, man.

Travis: Come on.

Danielle: But then she's like, I don't ever want to see you again.

Danielle: Don't call me.

Danielle: Don't contact me.

Danielle: Don't want to see you.

Travis: He runs the f*** back to Florida.

Travis: And Nate comes over.

Travis: He's like, let me tell you this vaguely religious story about war and s***.

Travis: Also like, you're an idiot.

Travis: She was probably afraid you were going to kill her because she's mostly normal right now.

Danielle: I'm all for this lady, but I thought that you were an idiot for going.

Danielle: But now I'm on her side.

Danielle: Yeah, she's got some flaky friends.

Chris: Yeah, right.

Danielle: That just kind of go back and forth.

Travis: So he rushes back to Utah anyway and realizes that what she was saying when she's like, I'm going to go be with my dad because her dad is super dead.

Danielle: Super dead.

Danielle: We learned it from the diner friends.

Travis: Right?

Travis: So maybe she meant she was going to commit suicide and like that's what I said on page one, right?

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: Way to catch up with me, Alex.

Travis: And then there are like two paragraphs of suspense where he's rushing back to her house and patting on the door, but she's there, it's okay, everything's fine.

Danielle: And she's all happy.

Travis: Yeah.

Danielle: I knew you back, even though I told you never to come back.

Travis: Because I am the vice.

Travis: This is the dumbest s*** I've ever read.

Travis: I am the eight of ice, she thinks.

Travis: What if I found myself revelation?

Travis: So it's six months later, right?

Travis: They are married.

Travis: They've been married in two ceremonies, both in Florida and Utah in six months.

Travis: Six months after that.

Danielle: Oh, God.

Travis: So again, this all started a year ago.

Travis: Six months after that they got married and now they have two houses, one in Florida, one in Utah, where they winter, of course.

Danielle: The winter where it's cold.

Danielle: Dumb.

Travis: So again, the dude has all of the money and Dale are debating whether someone actually won that bet and who's going to get the s*** beat out of them if they don't pay.

Travis: Yeah, they somehow track down the ex husband and they're like, you're going to take this loan back over?

Travis: Which is not a thing that I know of.

Danielle: All right, I guess.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: Okay.

Chris: No, it is if it comes with a pipe, is the other factor.

Chris: That if you don't, then your knee caps get broken and then again, Alex.

Travis: Just pays for the rest because he has all of the money, right?

Travis: Did he keep all that money, his checking account or something?

Travis: And that's why it doesn't matter that your savings is gone.

Travis: I don't get it.

Danielle: And then also, why would she take his four hundred and one K and not all the savings accounts in like she was a dumb.

Danielle: Actually, both.

Travis: But apparently he had all been checked.

Travis: Thousands of millions of dollars in like, coffee can back in.

Chris: Good.

Chris: Because he knew she was going to leave him eventually because she was a gas.

Danielle: Right?

Chris: Here, have this amount of money that I'm letting you have.

Chris: Wink.

Travis: Yes.

Travis: They make sure to go back to the Tiffany necklace that ends up with Arya.

Travis: And like, hey, do you know that the Noble Star is another name for Edelweiss?

Chris: Everybody likes Edelweiss too much.

Other Chris: He did it on air.

Danielle: There's a song about it and the Sound of Music sure is.

Chris: I know.

Travis: And then LBH changes to sing it.

Chris: To me as a lullaby.

Danielle: It's a very nice she changes her.

Travis: Initials to Love by Him.

Danielle: And then I threw up in my mouth and I'm like, I'm glad this.

Travis: F****** Christian bumper sticker I've ever thought about.

Danielle: On to Duke's interrogs, please, I've had.

Travis: Enough of this bullshit.

Other Chris: Okay, before we move on to the next thing that's your twist out there.

Other Chris: Yes.

Other Chris: My twist that I'm so excited to.

Travis: Share with you guys, it's been built up.

Travis: It's going to be f****** great.

Danielle: I'm ready.

Other Chris: Oh, man, you're going to be so disappointed.

Other Chris: No, what I predicted and what I would have actually like to see happen is she finds out really early on that he's looking for LBH.

Other Chris: And she decides to help him look for her in the eyes of spending time with him to make sure that he's not a murderer.

Other Chris: And also this is how they get to know each other.

Other Chris: If that was the case, maybe his flip out about her lying would have actually been justified.

Other Chris: And also I think that that would have made for, like, I don't know, more of an emotional connection.

Other Chris: Like, we went to a hot spring and we made out for a while.

Chris: Right.

Other Chris: If they spent time talking about his emotional problems and we're actually getting close to them while they're looking for this other woman.

Other Chris: And the whole time you're supposed to be thinking like, oh, she has no idea who it is, but she's decided to help him for some reason.

Other Chris: I don't know, that would have been.

Danielle: Wait, didn't the description of the book say that she was encouraging him?

Danielle: I got to look this up now because I feel like what you're saying is what it seemed like was going to happen in the book and then that didn't happen.

Travis: Cursing him by being like a filthy s*** and holding hands with him?

Chris: Ouch.

Travis: No, that would be way more interesting, where she's like, okay, I'm going to keep a safe distance on figuring this out until it's like, okay, yeah, but, yeah, the book that we got was not clever in any way in the least.

Danielle: No, it's part of the missile token election.

Travis: But, yeah, I would have been okay with that kind of a twist.

Travis: Or again, you found out that it was like someone who's completely different age is like, you know what?

Travis: It was the old lady.

Travis: And I really did like her as a friend, but I wasn't going to date her.

Travis: So then I was going out with Arian.

Travis: Right.

Danielle: It says in here, blah, blah, blah, makes his way to Midway just after Thanksgiving, determined to find LBH.

Danielle: Maybe she's a Lisa lawyer luanne and said he finds a woman named Arya, waitress at the Mistletoe Diner who encourages Alex in his search while serving his pile, along with some muchneeded sympathy and companionship.

Danielle: Makes it seem like she was in.

Travis: That person didn't read the book?

Danielle: No, this is the description.

Danielle: This is on Amazon.

Danielle: This is what it's telling me.

Travis: They didn't read it either.

Danielle: I read this and then read the book and I'm like, I don't feel like we got the book that we were supposed to get.

Other Chris: No, definitely not.

Danielle: And eventually he finds his LBH.

Danielle: A woman who is beautiful and kind, but how can he tell her that he knows her secret.

Danielle: What's holding him back?

Danielle: Could it be a feeling for Arya saying f****** person.

Danielle: This doesn't make any sense.

Other Chris: No, it doesn't.

Travis: He did find Nlbh, just not the LB.

Danielle: He finds his LBH.

Danielle: This is all misleading.

Danielle: It's not a good summary.

Travis: This is like the Usual Suspects level twist right here.

Danielle: It's really bad.

Danielle: Anyway, I read that.

Travis: Oh boy.

Travis: So the movie, right?

Danielle: Oh God.

Travis: Basically completely different, as we've already established.

Chris: Completely.

Chris: Patrick Duffy for day.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: So dad got resurrected.

Danielle: The first thing we're like, oh God, dad is alive.

Danielle: I thought he was going to be right.

Danielle: Also was curly haired lady, the mayor, because she was like giving speeches and like poorly.

Travis: I don't know.

Danielle: What was the thing that happened?

Danielle: It was the wind.

Danielle: What did you say?

Danielle: That was?

Travis: She was like lighting the Christmas tree and she had her cue cards.

Travis: Oh, no.

Travis: Mystery wind knocked it out of her hand.

Danielle: But she called it like something because it was like pinpointed on the I.

Travis: Have to go to my handwritten notes.

Travis: I didn't get a chance to transfer.

Danielle: It was really funny when he said targeted.

Travis: Mystery wind.

Danielle: Targeted.

Other Chris: That sounds like a euphemism for flatulas.

Chris: I want to remember to try to use it for that.

Travis: I really need somebody to explode.

Travis: Okay, so backing up a little bit.

Travis: Two minutes in.

Travis: A note I have this is a quote from Danielle.

Travis: Two minutes in.

Travis: This is terrible.

Danielle: Did you guys like how they had the Christmas council and they had a table reserved?

Danielle: There was no one else in the f****** restaurant.

Danielle: Yeah, sorry, dad, you can't sit here.

Danielle: You have to sit at the counter because we're having a super important we need it.

Danielle: Every other table is open while they're.

Other Chris: Talking about how they have no business because people just stop coming there because of the big ski resort.

Other Chris: Yes.

Other Chris: Table reserved.

Travis: Table reserved.

Travis: So can someone explain to me exactly what was going on with Sterling Masters?

Travis: Why was this such a big mystery that he had a ghost writer.

Chris: Bombing it off as himself?

Danielle: Right.

Other Chris: I guess that's the point of a ghost writer.

Chris: Nobody else knows, though.

Chris: They kept it a secret for some reason.

Travis: Why can't they just set it up from the beginning to be like, well, I do the interviews and stuff and go visit the places and then this guy writes about them.

Travis: It's like my scout.

Chris: Because I guess, I don't know, trying to make it a more we need.

Danielle: To have a conflict because he'll get.

Chris: The real taste to get the real taste of the town because they don't think he's the same guy type of deal.

Chris: Yeah, he's the actual writer.

Chris: I don't know.

Danielle: I would like you to know that I feel like Alex had more chemistry with the popcorn that he was eating than he did with Kelly Pickler.

Other Chris: Yeah, I blame Kelly Pickler for that.

Other Chris: I think this guy was nice.

Danielle: Yeah, she wasn't good.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: I would watch one of his other movies to see if a better costar would have helped him out.

Travis: But Kelly Pickler looked like a southern fried version of Shayne Woodley.

Travis: And it threw me off the whole time.

Danielle: Also, she was blonde and Aria was brunette.

Danielle: And that really bothered me.

Danielle: Like, they could have dyed her hair or something.

Other Chris: Really important detail got the worst.

Travis: So yeah, they switched up the whole thing.

Travis: And it's like, he's got to scout out this town for the travel log.

Travis: And it's like a big deal, but it can't be seen, or no one can know that it's him, even though, again, these are the stupidest people in.

Danielle: The world because, oh, Sterley's Masters is here.

Danielle: He must be up to him.

Danielle: But we're a small town and we know everybody, so surely somebody should have seen him.

Travis: He wrote about all the stuff that Alex did yesterday.

Travis: That's interesting.

Travis: Well, probably just a coincidence.

Other Chris: Very interesting.

Danielle: I don't know when Patrick Duffy's the smartest one.

Danielle: Like that's an issue.

Travis: Oh, he's not here.

Travis: He's in a secret cabin that no one knows about.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: So they're making a big decision about what the Christmas city is going to be.

Travis: Either Tokyo, Austin, Texas, or f****** nowhere, Utah.

Danielle: Off the beaten path.

Travis: Off Tokyo.

Chris: Let's pick nowhere, Utah.

Travis: Let's pick somewhere.

Travis: Off the beaten path.

Travis: Tokyo.

Travis: No one has ever been there.

Other Chris: No one.

Danielle: Oh, my gosh.

Danielle: He's like, all right, go there and write a story.

Danielle: I guess I'll stay for three weeks.

Danielle: What the h***?

Travis: If you want to block out of town in a short amount of time, it's just a fact.

Danielle: He had to do his Christmas passport.

Travis: They were explaining the ghostwriter set up.

Travis: And Daniel I was like, could we watch Ghostwriter instead of this?

Travis: That would have been better.

Danielle: Or ghost.

Travis: Dad.

Travis: Or ghost.

Travis: Dad.

Danielle: Anything would have been better.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: So that was the thing.

Travis: I was like, travel blogging as a two person job.

Travis: Question mark.

Travis: Okay.

Travis: But he's shortly thereafter, he's in Utah, and Kelly Pickler singing into a big curtain enos.

Danielle: I was like, where's her head?

Travis: The acoustics were great in that curtain.

Travis: Anas, though, he just came in and.

Danielle: Made himself right at home too.

Travis: Yeah.

Danielle: Wound up on that ladder with me.

Travis: I sold on him right away.

Travis: He's like, give me pie.

Danielle: He's always eating.

Danielle: He was always hungry.

Danielle: And he's like, can I have the rest of the pie?

Travis: They also moved Arya to a North Carolina person instead of Kelly being her.

Travis: Instead of Michigan.

Travis: It was Michigan, right?

Chris: That was Minnesota.

Danielle: Might have been Minnesota.

Travis: Oh, yeah, you're right.

Chris: I could be wrong.

Danielle: One of those end state.

Danielle: That's cold.

Chris: Yes.

Travis: They switched the idle vice to mistletoe man.

Danielle: She was looking for her mistletoe man.

Danielle: Honey, you're never going to find anyone.

Other Chris: No.

Chris: Was that actually mistletoe, or was it.

Other Chris: That'S what her friend told her, yeah, like, lower your standards.

Other Chris: You're never going to find this guy.

Danielle: So she didn't have a diner friends.

Danielle: She had a hotel friend, sugar Plum Lodge or whatever friend.

Other Chris: Two ladies who run, like, semi successful.

Travis: Businesses and seem perfectly happy.

Danielle: And the black guy, he was our favorite person.

Travis: Craig was my favorite.

Travis: Skip ahead.

Danielle: Yes, let's skip ahead.

Travis: He showed up to drive him to the airport, except not to the airport.

Other Chris: Right?

Chris: Right.

Danielle: Yeah.

Travis: He's pulling out, and Craig's like.

Danielle: I.

Travis: Can'T even say he was like, I'm going to miss you.

Travis: I'm going to miss you too, Craig.

Chris: With your family, though, they had more.

Danielle: Chemistry than he and Kelly Pickler did.

Travis: Seriously, he was very concerned about Craig.

Travis: Like, I could just go to the airport.

Danielle: Craig, I'm really going to miss you.

Chris: I have to drive you.

Danielle: We had to pause it because drivers last forever.

Travis: I also thought it was crazy that they're like, man, this is way down.

Travis: In every scene, the diner is filled with people and shows the hotel every day.

Chris: Isn't that what they said?

Travis: I guess it's because they live blog posts.

Travis: And so Sterling Masters changed everyone's fate.

Travis: Yeah, they had the whole plot device.

Travis: Get your passport stamped.

Travis: You got to do all this s***.

Travis: Get your passport stamped.

Other Chris: I mean, that was a nice contrivance.

Other Chris: They didn't have anything like that in the book.

Travis: No.

Other Chris: A reason for them to do all of the s*** that they did.

Travis: True.

Danielle: Also, Kelly Pickler was the president of the Christmas Council, and she was winning every f****** event that they had.

Danielle: I feel like she should have been exempt.

Other Chris: She won every kind of conflict of interest.

Travis: The Mullion squad.

Travis: Come on.

Danielle: Their ugly sweaters were not that great.

Danielle: The other guy was a snowman.

Travis: He showed ugly sweater making, party making.

Danielle: And they just happened to have a sweater in his size.

Danielle: When is this nonsense?

Danielle: This gave it to him.

Danielle: He didn't have to pay for it.

Travis: Yes.

Travis: And they were judging it.

Travis: Like, Craig and the other lady like, oh, the president wins.

Danielle: We're going to give you both this award.

Danielle: Here's some snowblown.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: It's like Kim Jong UN wins.

Travis: Surprise.

Other Chris: It's another hole in one.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: Wow.

Travis: So, yeah, zombie dad came back from the dead, so he's got to be in every g****** scene.

Danielle: And he sure was like, have you.

Travis: F***** my daughter yet?

Travis: Please.

Chris: Why haven't you?

Travis: Yeah.

Other Chris: You really watched this for her?

Danielle: He really did.

Chris: Yes.

Travis: I appreciated their marshmallow toasting scene.

Danielle: Oh, my God.

Travis: The secret marshmallow toasting technique.

Travis: And then they pulled the marshmallows away, and they are not touched at all.

Danielle: They were terrible marshmallow toasters.

Travis: Perfect.

Travis: Barely even more trying to read these notes.

Travis: Oh, so, yeah.

Travis: And then his buddy shows up.

Travis: He's like, this town seemed pretty cool, so I'm going to actually be there.

Travis: Also, this chick seems pretty cool.

Travis: I'm going to try to bang her too.

Danielle: This is fine.

Danielle: I'm going to outbid you on this ornament and I'm going to try and, like, hang out with her.

Danielle: And then in the end, he's like, oh, man.

Danielle: Like, you should go for her.

Danielle: Like, you should have her change of heart over.

Danielle: Also, I'm going to go ahead and make you my partner and you can write your own stuff under your own name.

Danielle: What has happened?

Travis: I feel like we missed a spin off movie about Sterling Masters where he was visited by three ghosts.

Danielle: Yes.

Travis: And the next day he's like, I've had a change of heart.

Travis: The spirit is giving me a second chance.

Danielle: He just had a bad date.

Danielle: And it was like, s***, I changed my ways.

Danielle: It didn't make any sense.

Travis: Yeah, it really didn't.

Travis: So we are talking about the Christmas council president winning everything, right?

Travis: You need to take more time for the things you love.

Travis: Like, she's done every f****** event in town.

Travis: She's never working.

Danielle: Unlike the book, she's like, working.

Danielle: But she was baking pie since dawn.

Danielle: Pie.

Danielle: Also, I really missed whoever was supposed to be the pie maker in the book.

Danielle: Like, it wasn't her.

Travis: Yeah, it was not her.

Chris: It's the diner lady mom.

Danielle: If you look at her, you're like, there's no way that she cooks anything without burning it.

Danielle: You just look at her and you know.

Travis: I made a note.

Travis: There was a quote she had talking to her dad.

Travis: Like, you always told me to let my guard down again.

Travis: He wants you to get f***** in.

Danielle: This movie by this one specific guy.

Travis: One specific guy.

Danielle: The one specific guy.

Travis: It's like, if we have to have any more fourth grade reading of notes, this is not going to work out for me.

Travis: Yeah, he outfitted on that one ornament because he just wanted to show off.

Chris: Yeah, he wanted to show off, I guess.

Chris: Trouble was, I'm the popular rich one.

Chris: I'm going to show off.

Travis: But yes.

Chris: Do you need to go out?

Danielle: Okay.

Travis: Okay.

Travis: So they again have the reveal.

Travis: Kelly eventually puts it together.

Travis: It's like, wait a minute.

Chris: You're not the one who read yeah.

Travis: Wait a minute.

Travis: Something's not right here.

Danielle: But then she has a totally ridiculous response.

Danielle: They switched.

Danielle: And I guess that they feel like that's better.

Danielle: The woman should obviously be more hysterical.

Travis: Legally required to not tell me this.

Travis: And so that is upsetting to me.

Danielle: That's it.

Danielle: I just can't trust you.

Travis: I can't trust you.

Danielle: All right, well, I'm going to the airport, I guess.

Danielle: No, they stuck around.

Danielle: They all stuck around for a while.

Travis: Even after they were p***** off.

Travis: He's like, well, I'll just hang out.

Travis: I guess I was always lucky.

Travis: Who was going to write something like sat on the couch cross legged with his laptop like this, right?

Danielle: He's like, listen, I'm typing something and I'm posting it.

Danielle: And, like, Patrick Duffy's?

Danielle: Like.

Travis: Yes, Patrick Duffy.

Travis: Figured out first.

Danielle: Sure did.

Travis: He's like, leaving.

Travis: But how could you leave without publishing your article?

Travis: The Internet is.

Travis: How?

Travis: I can do it from anywhere.

Travis: I've already written it.

Travis: Just publish it later.

Danielle: I don't know.

Danielle: She just seemed really confused in most of the movie.

Travis: Yes.

Travis: Every person in this movie is the dumbest person in this movie.

Danielle: Yes.

Danielle: Except for Alex.

Danielle: Alex was all right.

Chris: He was okay.

Danielle: He was the only Behaving, right?

Travis: When she figured everything out, she's like, I got to find Alex.

Travis: There he is.

Danielle: Oh, also, did you guys know notice that they're like, okay, it's Alex.

Danielle: What's your last name?

Danielle: Just Alex.

Danielle: He didn't even, like, tell her his last name was Bartlett.

Danielle: Like the pear.

Danielle: Just Alex.

Travis: His catchphrase.

Danielle: Just Alex.

Chris: He didn't want to hear a Pear joke.

Danielle: No.

Travis: Mr.

Travis: Pear.

Other Chris: Again, an improvement from the book.

Danielle: Yeah.

Travis: Again, I made a note.

Travis: Oh, God, I f***** everything up.

Travis: Well, see you tomorrow.

Danielle: That's how it went.

Travis: Daniel, notice he was leaving town.

Travis: He's been there for three weeks.

Travis: He has the smallest carry on.

Danielle: Did you see the bag he walked?

Travis: He had, like, 18 different sweaters in the movie.

Travis: And his bag was his bag was.

Danielle: So small, and it wasn't even full.

Other Chris: And he had a formal suit for that dance, too.

Other Chris: So where was that?

Danielle: I don't know.

Danielle: It was hilarious.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: He's like, oh, wait a minute.

Travis: I didn't get my last passport stamp, which was f***.

Travis: Kelly.

Danielle: I have to go to the airport.

Danielle: I have to go to the airport.

Danielle: Listen, we're going to do this.

Danielle: This is my flight.

Danielle: We are going.

Other Chris: We noted the prominence of the word nut in the Chestnut Canyon.

Travis: Yeah, Chestnut.

Danielle: Oh, my gosh.

Danielle: How did you pull this off?

Danielle: Like, I don't know.

Danielle: All the things, you know, all the people acting weird.

Travis: It's the most romantic gesture ever.

Chris: The word lighters.

Travis: And she was under them.

Danielle: Yeah.

Danielle: And then there was thin.

Danielle: After that, there was, like, too much kissing, and it made me uncomfortable.

Travis: And then shooting stars.

Danielle: Oh, my God.

Travis: Or perhaps surface to air missiles.

Travis: I couldn't tell.

Travis: For pretty bright.

Danielle: Travis was like, what?

Danielle: Just desert the atmosphere.

Danielle: It was great.

Travis: Yeah, it was something like every time.

Danielle: I was like, is this over?

Danielle: It like, God, why fast forward?

Danielle: We still have, like, 30 minutes.

Travis: Every commercial break was like an insult to me.

Travis: They are not wrapping it up.

Travis: There's another commercial.

Travis: G******.

Chris: By the end, it was more commercials than movie Kelly Pitt.

Danielle: We were like, I just love him.

Danielle: I just love his words.

Danielle: And like, oh.

Travis: He write all smart.

Other Chris: I mean, at least this stuff in the movie again, the stuff that was supposed to be well written was better written than the stuff that was supposed to be well written in the book.

Chris: That's true.

Danielle: Their shots were awful, though.

Danielle: They'd be talking, and then they'd switch, and it's like their face was completely different.

Danielle: What are we doing here?

Danielle: What's happened?

Travis: They didn't have coverage or broll.

Danielle: They just did it and went with it?

Travis: Yeah, it was a single take.

Other Chris: They got to get this stuff done because they got 30 more movies.

Danielle: We're cutting down a tree.

Danielle: Okay.

Travis: Now.

Travis: S***.

Danielle: We're getting some hot chocolate.

Danielle: Where the f*** did the tree go?

Danielle: Now this tree is in this carriage.

Danielle: How did the tree get in the carriage?

Travis: What's up with that carriage?

Danielle: Also, why were they in a carriage?

Travis: Oh, boy.

Travis: So that was something.

Other Chris: It certainly was.

Travis: Yeah.

Chris: Indeed.

Danielle: I will never watch it again or anything else on Home or Channel.

Danielle: I think I want to call Frontier and just have them remove that from our package.

Chris: There you go.

Danielle: Honestly, if I'm going to watch a movie like I'm watching HBO, I'm going to have the strong language, the nudity, the sexual content, the violence.

Danielle: I'm going to need all of that.

Danielle: That was rated G, guys.

Other Chris: You're not the demographic.

Danielle: Apparently not.

Travis: Yeah, they had just one F bomb in there.

Other Chris: They do.

Chris: Not demographic.

Danielle: It didn't do it for me.

Danielle: It wasn't at all sexy.

Danielle: And if that's what they think is romance, I never want to experience romance.

Travis: I feel like it's less about romance, more like, let's remind people that Christmas is coming because all of the changes made it more Christmas centric.

Travis: Because, I mean, honestly, so for Swiss days in the book, it wasn't really that much Christmas stuff.

Travis: Except for cutting down a Christmas tree, which, again, was just the way they were going to talk about having sex without writing it out.

Danielle: Right?

Other Chris: Right.

Travis: Everyone agreed to that, right?

Other Chris: You made a pretty strong argument.

Travis: I'm just saying.

Travis: Well, she claps out loud.

Travis: She claps like all of my sexual partners is always done afterwards.

Other Chris: Confirm or deny.

Danielle: So done.

Travis: So pleasant.

Travis: All right, so final thoughts.

Travis: Perfect.

Danielle: That's my exact sentiment.

Travis: Rate it up.

Danielle: I'm glad I don't have to read it or watch it again.

Other Chris: Yeah, but are you glad that you did?

Danielle: No.

Danielle: Okay.

Chris: Just to be able to say but.

Other Chris: I mean, now you know that you don't have to, right?

Danielle: Yeah.

Travis: Just something just think about it.

Travis: If someone randomly mentions it to you at work, though, think of how smart can be.

Travis: Like, they completely changed this book when they made it into a movie.

Chris: That's true.

Travis: They left at all the misogyny.

Danielle: I want you to know that this series of romance novel books that I read, it actually is good.

Danielle: Like, they're making a Netflix series out of it, and we will do that.

Danielle: It's called Richardson, and it's being done by Shonda Rhymes.

Chris: That should be good then.

Danielle: And it's going to be on Netflix, and it's like, it's eight books, and they were way more interesting and way more racy than this nonsense.

Danielle: So we will do that and you will see how different it is when a female writes it, and it's good.

Travis: When is it supposed to be?

Danielle: It's supposed to be next year sometime.

Danielle: I'll keep you updated.

Other Chris: Yeah, cool.

Chris: Sounds good.

Other Chris: I'm down.

Danielle: Yeah.

Chris: Also, we'll actually get to see lots of parts at different times.

Danielle: Also the witcher, because Netflix is yeah, the witcher.

Danielle: We should watch the witcher because Henry Cavill is how you say his last name?

Danielle: I don't know.

Danielle: He is just such a masculine man.

Chris: He's Garral.

Travis: I don't say he's a Superman.

Other Chris: Superman.

Danielle: It almost makes me feel uncomfortable how masculine he is.

Danielle: He's got a really nice, cute dog, though, that he posted about on Instagram.

Danielle: So I like that.

Danielle: I'm going to watch it.

Chris: That's nice.

Travis: We're going to watch it.

Travis: I assume there's going to be a lot of intercourse in it.

Danielle: Yes.

Danielle: I need some to make up for this s***.

Chris: There will be lots of fun things.

Chris: I've not played a witcher game.

Chris: I did watch Matt play the witcher three for a while, so it should be pretty b*******.

Danielle: Oh, wait.

Danielle: S***.

Danielle: This is based on the game?

Other Chris: No, it's based on a game that's based on a book.

Danielle: Okay.

Danielle: Well, I don't know.

Travis: He looks like it was based on the books.

Chris: That's what the series is.

Chris: They managed to point that out.

Chris: The trailer says, like, based on books.

Other Chris: Okay.

Chris: Because we want people to forget there's video games for some reason.

Chris: Really good.

Chris: Actually.

Chris: We're also watching loosely based on Polish stuff.

Travis: So Ray would have been all over it, is what you're saying.

Other Chris: Yeah.

Danielle: We're also watching Watchmen, and that's good, too.

Danielle: But that's on HBO, so that makes sense.

Chris: I'm not caught up on Watchmen, but we watched a few more episodes the other day that still remains.

Chris: Good.

Danielle: Okay, good.

Danielle: We're not very far, but we go further.

Chris: I've watched half of the new season of The Expanse.

Travis: Yeah.

Chris: So that's exciting.

Chris: Finally came out on Amazon.

Danielle: All better choices than this.

Chris: All better choices.

Danielle: We can all agree.

Chris: All much better choices.

Chris: We could do The Expanse.

Chris: I think those books are long, too.

Chris: Like, excuse me, it would be difficult to read.

Chris: Be a slog.

Travis: Yeah.

Chris: No, I'll never read the Game of Thrones book.

Danielle: Exactly.

Travis: Game of Thrones books are good.

Chris: No, I'll just let you guys who read and tell me about the books.

Danielle: I've never read them, but he tells me about what he's reading, and I think it just sounds awful.

Danielle: Just watch the show.

Chris: No, that's what I did.

Travis: Completely disagree.

Danielle: They're like children.

Travis: It's dude pages.

Chris: I'm not going to worry them.

Chris: That's too much.

Chris: Too much to read.

Travis: You don't have to read them all at the same time.

Danielle: There's just so many words that I think are finished.

Chris: One of them at that too much.

Chris: There's people in my life who read them you all can tell me about.

Danielle: If you could just cut down your word count.

Danielle: Like, we don't need all of those words fewer words, get your point across better.

Other Chris: I think that's what somebody told this guy.

Travis: Too many words.

Travis: Put more random culture signaling in here.

Travis: Like name drop, Steinbeck books and stuff, but oh, don't actually mention them in any meaningful way.

Danielle: Yeah, right.

Travis: So that's like a soft.

Travis: What else is good?

Travis: So what else is good?

Danielle: That's just that all that stuff.

Chris: Holidays.

Chris: Travel.

Travis: Yeah, holidays, right?

Chris: Yeah.

Chris: Going to St.

Chris: Louis the end of the new year.

Travis: Boom.

Danielle: Cool.

Chris: That'll be good.

Travis: Are you going to first night?

Travis: No.

Travis: Do they still do that?

Chris: I don't know.

Travis: All right.

Chris: I think they did and turn it to something else a few years ago.

Chris: I can't remember, but I went when I was younger.

Chris: It was all right.

Danielle: We're going to Disney in January with our kids.

Chris: We're totally jealous.

Chris: And the inlaws, that's the time to go.

Chris: I want to go to Disney.

Travis: Well, come on.

Danielle: Travis is doing all the races.

Danielle: The kids are running a mile run.

Chris: I think I'm going to go try to go to Toronto in January.

Chris: Do that birthday.

Danielle: That seems cold.

Danielle: Probably cold.

Chris: It will be okay.

Danielle: Do you like the cold?

Chris: If it's a place where I don't live, it could be okay.

Danielle: As long as you would like to.

Chris: Know, which would be nice.

Travis: It's like to be cold at my house, though.

Chris: Because where I live it doesn't get cold like that.

Chris: But it's about the same as St.

Chris: Louis weather.

Danielle: I don't like the snow, but I don't like to be hot either.

Danielle: So I mean, that's an issue that's conundrum right there.

Travis: Like homeostasis.

Danielle: I want the San Diego weather all the time, but not like the cost of San Diego or like the threat of it just going into the ocean one day.

Other Chris: Good luck with that.

Travis: Air conditioning.

Danielle: Yeah.

Travis: What about you?

Travis: Other Chris?

Other Chris: Honestly, I don't think I have anything new to talk about.

Travis: Oh, boy.

Other Chris: Yeah.

Other Chris: My life has been a whirlwind of activity.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: Have you tried out all of your scotch samples?

Other Chris: I have.

Travis: Nice.

Travis: Which one's your favorite?

Travis: Out of there.

Other Chris: I think I still like the neck.

Other Chris: Door.

Other Chris: Door?

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: Pretty good.

Other Chris: Yeah?

Travis: Pretty good.

Danielle: Did you get your wife a nice Christmas present?

Other Chris: I'm going to.

Danielle: Okay, good.

Danielle: See that you do because she is a treasure.

Travis: He's got two days, three shopping Christmas morning.

Travis: If you show up at Quick Trip at Christmas morning, like, what's the nicest thing here?

Danielle: They give you like a bottle of Tylenol Foods farm.

Other Chris: It's going to be roller taquitos or whatever.

Travis: Yes.

Danielle: They have like the buffalo chicken bites now.

Other Chris: Yeah.

Travis: And like an extra big fountain soda.

Travis: Yeah, be great.

Danielle: Get the good ice though.

Travis: Christmas.

Travis: Get the good ice.

Danielle: No, but for real, you better get her a nice gift because Sharon deserves that.

Travis: She does, man.

Other Chris: She puts up with her faith in me.

Travis: Disturbing.

Other Chris: How disappointing am I?

Danielle: I had to pay for your white Castle once because you forgot your wallet.

Other Chris: That was like, 2005.

Danielle: Just know that I remember that's.

Chris: Kind of scary.

Travis: Castle.

Travis: Start looking for change on the van floor.

Travis: That's what we used to do.

Danielle: I don't forget things clearly.

Danielle: Yeah.

Travis: Do you have anything else to mention?

Danielle: No, no, I'm good.

Travis: What's your romance?

Travis: I'll be reading now.

Danielle: Wait.

Danielle: Okay.

Danielle: What is the one I'm reading now?

Danielle: You know what?

Danielle: Here's the thing.

Danielle: I have no idea because they all kind of have the same story.

Danielle: So I think that there's, like, scoundrel in the name.

Danielle: I honestly don't remember it's by an author named Scarlett Scott.

Danielle: And she's on kindle unlimited.

Danielle: And I really like her because she writes decent books, like the one that writes Brigerton, but she puts them out fast.

Danielle: Whereas the lady that writes the Brigerton books, she has a bunch of books already, but her next show only releases a book every year, and that's just too long to wait.

Danielle: Yeah, I like the ones that get them out because I read them multiple books in a week when I go to the gym at work.

Travis: Okay, nice.

Danielle: So I have no idea what it's called.

Danielle: I have no idea.

Travis: Wait, is there some landed gentry involved?

Danielle: What is this guy?

Danielle: He's an earl, I think.

Danielle: Okay.

Travis: Did the two like each other at first?

Danielle: No.

Travis: Okay.

Danielle: It was an enemy to lover's book.

Other Chris: Okay.

Danielle: Alexa.

Danielle: The next book.

Travis: Coincidence that they run into each other or something?

Danielle: No, it was like an arrangement to get married, because no one gets married for love.

Danielle: It's all just like an arrangement.

Chris: No, it's arrangements.

Danielle: Yeah, but the next book I'm going to read the next book I'm going to read is called Willful in Winter.

Danielle: I know that because I saw it was just released and that's the next one.

Danielle: And she's got all these series.

Danielle: I'm getting confused because I keep having to read them as they come out, but I'm like, what happened in the last series book?

Danielle: Because I've read, like, three other books in three different series since then.

Danielle: I just read a lot.

Danielle: And you get confused because they're all the same.

Other Chris: All these books.

Danielle: But they're satisfying.

Chris: That's good.

Danielle: That's all I got.

Travis: That's all you got.

Danielle: Okay.

Travis: That's fine.

Travis: So I've been catching up on books that I had previously started and then never really finished.

Travis: Like, I finally finished Annihilation that Tanner recommended to us oh, yeah.

Travis: Months ago.

Danielle: Tanner, our bar, is a noble friend.

Travis: It was good.

Travis: Although I would not recommend it for this format.

Travis: The movie, the way the book was written, was very hard to discuss.

Travis: I think it's very interesting because it's first person supposed to be like a journal, but it's like, okay, well, this happened and this happened, and then three chapters later is like I have not been totally honest, actually, this happened.

Other Chris: I'm like oh, wow.

Travis: All right.

Travis: That's confusing.

Travis: But certainly very that's in my Audible List lovecraftian and suggested horror instead of like the movie where it's like, well, that bear stole that lady's voice and then it sounded like she was getting killed when the bear roared.

Travis: So it was weird.

Travis: I finally finished the dispossessed because that one was on my phone and so I usually would read it at lunch break, and then I stopped getting lunch breaks because of work.

Travis: And that was really interesting, the way they kind of structured it so that it was both happening in the present, future and past at the same time.

Other Chris: Right?

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: And learning Chevy's story kind of both directions was really interesting.

Travis: I need to figure out if there I think there is at least one more book focused on that planet about Odo and the Rebellion or something.

Travis: So that'd be interesting.

Danielle: I need to amend I thought of something.

Danielle: I need to make an amendment when I put Simon to bed right now.

Danielle: We've been reading books about dinosaurs because he's really into it right now.

Danielle: And I'm learning so much about dinosaurs, but I just have to say that these people that write these books that don't give you the pronunciation of these dinosaur names, that's really disrespectful because those names are super hard to say, and I feel like an idiot try to pronounce them.

Danielle: Like, to my kid.

Danielle: I'm like, I have no idea.

Other Chris: You need to do some free study.

Chris: Work, scaly Boy.

Travis: Doing these readings cold.

Travis: Like, you do need to do the work.

Danielle: But we read all this stuff and I'm like, this is boring.

Danielle: I'm not really that very interested in it.

Danielle: And then later he'll be like, remember when we learned about this on page 42?

Danielle: And like, this dinosaur did this.

Danielle: I'm like, okay, what's the book connection?

Danielle: He knows.

Danielle: He knows all about dinosaurs.

Chris: Excellent.

Danielle: I'm sort of learning, but I really want them to put the pronunciation of the names, please.

Chris: Yeah, some do.

Danielle: I had one that did, and that was wonderful.

Danielle: And this one that I'm reading now for him currently doesn't.

Danielle: And then it picked like the hardest names.

Chris: Archaeoptery, like Pistasukosaurus or something like that.

Danielle: Yeah, dionychus.

Danielle: That's one of them.

Danielle: That doesn't look like how they pronounce that dinosaur name, but when I was pronouncing it wrong, he corrected me.

Travis: Dionychus.

Danielle: Dionychus.

Travis: It sounds like Kid Icarus trying to say dinosaur.

Chris: Oh, no, dionychus.

Chris: But it looks like Dionitus.

Danielle: Yeah.

Danielle: They should have named these dinosaurs better science names.

Chris: We have some names.

Chris: What was that?

Chris: That mean thing like northern thick scaly boy and chunkosaurus.

Danielle: See how simple one of them actually is a gigantosaurus?

Travis: Yeah.

Danielle: I thought that was made up for the Disney Junior show.

Danielle: I thought it was made up for the Disney show.

Travis: Yeah, spinosaurus an allosaurus.

Chris: They ran out of those names a long time ago.

Chris: Now it's all the complicated ankinosaurus.

Danielle: And did you know that Tyrannosaurus means tyrant lizard.

Danielle: Lizard.

Danielle: And that Velociraptor means swift Thief because they tell you this s***.

Danielle: Just know I'm going to store this away and I'm going to bring it up ten years from now.

Chris: Okay?

Chris: Thanks for the reminder.

Travis: Okay?

Danielle: I'm done.

Danielle: For real.

Travis: It's not a dinosaur, but you know no, that's ancient.

Chris: That's a human adjacent thing, not a dinosaur.

Danielle: I'm sorry, I've done.

Travis: That sharptococcus.

Danielle: We're done with this now.

Danielle: I apologize.

Travis: It's a langy.

Travis: So the other thing I'm not quite done with.

Travis: I went back and started reading Hannibal.

Travis: I was hoping they were going to tell me more about what happened to Will Graham and maybe I'm still not to that, but starts out with Lecture already in the psychiatric ward.

Travis: So Will Grab already have been cutting up by him when he captured him.

Travis: So I guess I'm not going to learn about that.

Chris: But it's interesting on that first one, I guess.

Travis: That is the first one.

Danielle: I thought we're losing him.

Chris: I thought Red Dragon was the first one.

Travis: Oh, I'm sorry.

Travis: You're right.

Travis: I'm reading Red Dragon.

Chris: Okay.

Travis: It's late here too, but they'll tell.

Chris: You at some point, I think, won't they?

Travis: Maybe they'll go back to it.

Travis: But Red Dragons, it's maybe a little less concise.

Travis: There's more to it and maybe a little more Rambly and there's like a big section where they're going back into the Tooth Fairy slash the reddragons backstory.

Travis: But it was interesting to me because apparently that guy grew up in St.

Travis: Charles in like the so he's like other Chris suggested this and I think this is probably what happened because he's always talking about Lambert Airport is that he may be able to stop over there.

Travis: He's like, well what else is around here?

Travis: Okay, St.

Travis: Charles then.

Chris: Yup.

Travis: Cause he always just dropped name drops places in St.

Travis: Louis in his book.

Travis: Very cool, but it's enjoyable.

Travis: I've got a little bit more to go.

Chris: All right.

Travis: Will Graham is not quite as cool as Clarice.

Chris: That's where they got rid of him.

Danielle: Hello, Clarice.

Travis: A lot less Hannibal so far, but the villain is a little more interesting.

Travis: He's like obsessed with the painting the.

Chris: Red Dragon Gum and the woman with.

Travis: Don in her mouth or something like that.

Travis: I was like, I wonder what that painting looks like.

Travis: And I Googled it and in fact it is the picture that's on the cover of the book.

Travis: I'm like, I'm an idiot.

Other Chris: That makes a lot of sense.

Danielle: It does that you're an idiot.

Travis: Yeah.

Danielle: Okay, that's not kind.

Danielle: All right, so he's falling asleep.

Travis: He does that.

Danielle: I want to do that also.

Chris: I'm tired of 17.

Danielle: My time way past bedtime.

Chris: You have to remember I'm like an hour ahead of you.

Chris: I'm in the future.

Danielle: Do you have to get up early?

Chris: No, I'm just tired.

Danielle: Okay, good.

Danielle: Sleeping late.

Danielle: Because you don't have kids, right?

Danielle: You do have a cat.

Danielle: Yeah, that cat is me.

Chris: She doesn't get me up early.

Danielle: That's nice of her.

Travis: Good.

Travis: All right, well, holiday episode done, thank God.

Travis: Yeah.

Travis: Merry holidays and stuff.

Chris: Yeah, merry holidays.

Chris: And we'll figure out how to start on Christmas now.

Danielle: I thought it started on Christmas right now.

Chris: That means it starts tonight.

Chris: It's Sunday, so I get to light my first candle.

Danielle: Happy Hanukkah.

Chris: Thanks.

Travis: Shalom and stuff.

Chris: Hug.

Chris: Samaya, that thing.

Danielle: Yeah.

Danielle: That back at you.

Danielle: Yes.

Chris: It's a lot of hat in there.

Danielle: What?

Chris: You said that's basically this was Happy Hanukkah holiday.

Chris: Essentially.

Danielle: If you want, I can sing you the Hanukkah song that I learned in chorus in fourth grade.

Danielle: I still remember all the words.

Danielle: No, I'm not going to.

Danielle: But I do.

Danielle: I sang it the other day.

Travis: Sure did.

Danielle: It's pretty good.

Danielle: So another thing that I remember from a long time ago, right?

Danielle: Fourth grade, guys.

Danielle: Fourth grade.

Chris: That and White Castle.

Danielle: That's right.

Chris: When you're 95, you'll still remember both of those.

Danielle: Exactly.

Danielle: Correct.

Danielle: Yes.

Travis: So I got off the mini minora for our photo shoot.

Danielle: So don't ever try to pull one over on me, because it will not work.

Travis: She did not forget.

Danielle: I will call.

Chris: I already knew that.

Chris: I already figured that knowing you.

Danielle: You're so wise.

Danielle: Like you.

Danielle: Alright, let's all go to bed.

Danielle: But let's not together.

Travis: All right, hit stop right here.

Other Chris: Yep.

Travis: Okay, that was our session for today.

Travis: Since this episode is already running long as an on second thought, today I just wanted to wish everyone happy and safe holidays, a happy New year and to strongly recommend sitting down and reading an actual good book.

Travis: Not to mention getting together with friends and family for a drink or a chat or to take in a movie.

Travis: Because as someone once said, solitude is among the greatest suffering.

Travis: It's true, I think.

Travis: Today's episode was brought down from a mount with a sprig of edelbys by Chris.

Travis: Chris Ham.

Travis: Chris Other.

Travis: Chris Jacobson.

Travis: Danielle neither.

Travis: Chris Rowe was edited by me, Travis Rowe, and was sponsored by the Ghost of Christmas Present.

Travis: Until next time, keep f****** reading.

Chris: Question of Ages new Audio Recording show.

Danielle: Me all what else is in the room and see if there's anything else I wanted to ask you about.

Other Chris: Yeah.

Danielle: It'S way more interesting over here.

Other Chris: There's my window.

Other Chris: With no blinds.

Chris: With no blinds.

Other Chris: We are so lazy.

Danielle: Is this downstairs?

Other Chris: No, this is right.

Other Chris: Where one neighbor can see it.

Chris: Yeah, I still think your guys'blind solution was very creative.

Danielle: It's like blackout blind, right?

Danielle: They're really expensive.

Chris: I've had the luxury staying there at their house.

Chris: It works well.

Travis: Can we see the mewtwo amiibo again?

Danielle: Yes, I saw mewtwo over there.

Chris: I'm not the only one.

Travis: Is that zero suit Samus also?

Other Chris: It is nice.

Chris: Oh, nice.

Travis: Even kept it in the packaging more or what?

Travis: More or less.

Travis: Got you.

Danielle: Just fix that smoke detector before the next recording, all right?

Danielle: I don't want to see that again.

Travis: It's at hand.

Travis: All right?

Other Chris: I got a battery.

Danielle: You.